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Show ti.inf 11 i " ""Tt"""'i"Mn i luirimiiirilliM TOM FIDDLER'S COLUMN. A Protested draft Shut the door for hei'ven'sake. You cannot expect your children to be religious unless you make religion relig-ion attractiva in the h me. To save money, a man should associate as-sociate with men whose incomes are half as lars;e as his own. Caxada imposes a tax of S3 on marriages mar-riages This can scarcely be called encouraging en-couraging a leading infant industry. I notice a Salt Lske paper says "gum chewing is bo longer fashionable." fashion-able." Spread the news for lieayen?s sake. It is a pood tiling for a man to have friends. If it were not for yrur friends you would never be aware of the many tines you have made a fool of yourself. ' It is said that the women of New 1 ork propose to start a daily newspaper. news-paper. That will be well enough if they will employ men to manage it for them. It may be true, that there isn't one man in ten thousand who knows what kind of a man he would be if he had plenty of money. Hut there are a great many who would like the chance to find out. A boy in Massachusetts got whipped whip-ped by his father and brought suit for $20,000. He got not a cent. A jury of fathers said he deserved the whipping. The youth should have arranged for a jury of sons. Don't worry whether the man who says nice thiujrs to you means them or not. The fact tiiat he takes the pains to say them is a compliment. He doubtless has an ax to grind, but it doesn't follow that you must turn the grindstone. "So you have eighteen children? And you used to insist that a small family was the proper thing." "Yes, I did think so till I moved to Provo and heard the arrogant boas s of Logan about her population. Hut say, we're going to down that town yet." "Why were notShadrach, Mcshach, and Abedneso harmed when they were cast into the fiery furnace?" asked the teacher of an American Fork Sunday Sun-day school. Awd a short-haired boy with a bad eye spoke up and said it was because they stood in with each -""l-jifsev js be j ; JTula iriTTlTfTf, nut. ir ofarlif I offioTeVhiUiDan be said to be eanieir6t?St the business lasts new credits take the place of old ones, and the lmponl&nce of a concern is determined by the uumber of people able to pay when they get, good and re.-.dy whose names appear ap-pear on its credit books. A British tradesman will fail with triple the assets in outstanding accounts required re-quired to liberate his indebtedness, because he considers it Httle short of a crime to bother Sir Clarence or to dun Lord Charles. Accounts of this kind are sought after and encouraged, while those who run them up know full well that the fact of their patronage is being laid great stress on in dazzling plebeian pntrons with the importance of their co-customers. The one saving feature of the system is that the aristocratic patron never deserts his appointed tradesman except for good cause, and never fails to recorr.- 'snd him on every occasion. Cor. Clot. and Furnisher. Ho Saved Something. ' ' ," We meet many peculiar charactei.'n this world. I ran across a man once and he was a man of intelligence and a man of splendid family, wealthy and all that who lost his wife, and who, in telling me of his bereavement, said: "Well, I will save something out of the wreck." I can wear her stockings. See hore." and he rolled up his pantaloons. Sure enough, there were women's stockings stock-ings of fine texture and reaching away above the knee. lie proceeded to explain that he had bought her several pairs at 2 each just a week before she disd, but she had never had any use of them, and he would have to wear them out, though he was sorry he had bought them. The idea was so funny that it was all I could do to keep from laughing right out, as the saying is, but the man was so very serious that I repressed tho inclination to do so. I told him it was sad, but as long as he could save something out of tho wreck by wearing his dead wife's hosiery he was not in such a bad fix, but still he could not see the ludicrous sido of his narrative, nar-rative, St. Iiouis Giobe-Democrat. Story of au Intelligent Cat. A New Hampshire physician sends mo tho following cat story, for which he vouches: "Among other queer tricks Dick will take off my glasses very carefully with his paw, hold them with one claw and survey them with great apparen l interest. "Tho first time he did this was one night when he had been napping and I reading. He is a jrreat pet, and going to him I bent over, without indicating by any motion my meaning, and said gently: " 'Dick, if yon want to go to bed take off my glasses." "He immediately reached up a paw and t2ok the::i off S5 defty v.s though it were an old habit. Thinking this a 'happen so' I put them on and made the same request in different words, with precisely the same result. After one more reputitiou he yawned and plainly intim.itcd that was enough . " Pi i i 1 "del p h ia Ti mcs. Still Hustling. An energetic young man with a taste for newspaper work succeeded in obtaining employment on one of the New York dailies. dai-lies. Us had said that all he wanted was a start, and he was as busy as a buzz saw thereafter. One day a friend stopped him in his impetuous chase after f.nne long enough to ask him how he was getting along. "Oh, I am doing splendidly," tho young raan answered with enthusiasm. "Have you written anything yet?" "Yes, indeed I have. I wrote ten columns col-umns and a half last week; all good stuff too." "That is good. I am glad to know that you are doing so well. Your last week's work must have paid you pretty well." "No, not so very well," said the young writer hesitatingly; "you see they have i not printed any of my matter yet." New ; York Tunes- |