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Show AggieLife Page 6 Wednesday, March 3, 2010 HowTO The ultimate guide to everything and anything How to survive an election scandal River, killing the woman, then don't report it until the car and dead body are found. You should state in court that you weren't under the influence, refuse medical care, claim emotional distress and ask the citizens of Massachusetts to decide whether you should resign, like Ted Kennedy in 1969. Because of this event, he chose not to run in the 1972 presidential election, but served as a senator until his death Aug. 25. Once again, it's ASUSU election time at USU. We've already had our own juicy scandal, so I thought I'd give the candidates some pointers on how they can get out of scandals, if they get SKI PATROL MEMBERS are dedicated to the safety of individuals on the ski slopes. To be a ski patrol person, one has to take a class called the Outdoor Emergency Care (OEC), that takes about 90 hours. photo courtesy TREY LEONARD Saving lives on the slopes currently employed as a ski patrolman, but he took the OEC class at McKay Dee Hospital. He said his class was like cramming three majors into a three-week course. Keith Moore is the director of Powder "We cover everything from medical termiMountain's ski patrol and said ski patrol nology to bandaging," he said. "We do what's members are " a little bit EMT, a little bit called moulage, where we role play different mountaineer and a little bit ski bum." events. One time we had a time where we To be a ski patroller, one has to take a class opened the guy's jacket and sausage came out, that takes about 90 hours, or three and a half like he was cut and his intestines were cornmonths, called the Outdoor Emergcency Care ing out," Van Dyke said. (OEC), he said. Belliston said his favorite part about workTyler Belliston, volunteer patrolman, has ing as a ski patrolman was the free skiing and been a ski patrolman for eight years and is a having an office outside. part of Powder Mountain's volunteer week"No one does it for the money. You do it end patrol. He said he became a ski patrolso your office is a 20-acre or 10,000-acre ski man because his dad has been one since he resort," he said. Belliston was 3. Moore said one of the nice things about He said ski patrol is dedicated to mounhis job is the free skiing, but it's more than tain safety. that. It's a brotherhood. "We work with avaHe said, "You can lanche safety, customer go to another resort and "Some days are better safety, checking out lifts, meet up with the ski customers, escorting snow than others. Most days patrol people there, and cats and more," Belliston they know what it's like." it's a pretty nice job, said. "I've dealt with Moore said he's and we all feel lucky everything, from people done some odd things as to have it." stealing snowboards to a ski patrolman, such as putting people in helicoprescuing sheep from the ters." - Keith Moore, director of mountain. Moore has been a "We rope them, tie Powder Mountain ski patrol patrolman for 20 years them and put them on a and said it's a good job, toboggan, and take them but that some days it down the mountain," he really is just a job. said. "It's definitely a job." "Some days are better than others. Most Van Dyke said he's impressed with the days it's a pretty nice job, and we all feel lucky amount of time that people volunteer for the to have it," he said. job and the training. There are days when patrol people are "I am shocked at how much time they give under the weather, or the weather conditions away," he said. "For teaching the class and for on the mountain are inconducive to skiing in testing, they were all volunteer." general, and ski patrollers are still out on the Belliston said when people show interest mountain, Moore said. in becoming a ski patrol person, they are Powder Mountain has 68 volunteers on the taken out on a couple ski runs, to get a feel ski patrol for nights and weekend skiing, with for their ability. Then they can take the class, about 20 to 24 working each time. There are and if they pass the test, they can be a patrol about 39 people on pro patrol, he said. Pro person. patrol is a paid position and a daily job. Moore said that in the past, the patrolmen "On a typical day, we're booted up and on have been firefighters and EMTs, as well as the mountain by 8:15, and we usually start being the original patrollers. He said the difthe last closing sweep at 4:30," Moore said. ference between the two groups is that EMT training is for rural areas and OEC training is "But depending on weather, visability or late injuries, we could be up there longer. I've for the outdoors and back country. been there sometimes till 3 or 4 a.m." — april.ashland@aggiemail.usu.edu Wes Van Dyke, a volunteer, said he is not By APRIL ASHLAND staff writer Great Summer Jobs in California for the largest family-owned pest control company in the US. 100% commissions up-front. Gas & cell phones paid. Check out www.clarksummerjobs.com FOR THE UTAH CONSERVATION CORPS! www.usu.ediducc UtahStateUn ive rsitY or call now 877-899-1205 :CLARK :• •.• • PEST CONTROL wrapped up in them. If you are losing an election, claim fraud, demand a recount, then make sure your immediate family is in office and hope the government puts a time limit on the recount. This method worked for George W. Bush in the "Floridagate" scandal of the 2000 election against Al Gore. The question of the "hanging chads" mixed with the familial relationship between him and Jeb Bush, his brother, was a recipe for media fire. Bush got away with it and served as president for eight years. Al Gore wrote a book. If you are accused of being a "Rake, Libertine, father of a bastard, a gross and licentious man, a moral leper, a man stained with disgusting infamy" all for having an illegitimate child, take your cues from 1884 presidential candidate, Grover Cleveland. After word of his sex scandal was made public, Cleveland owned up to the accusation, admitting to having an affair in 1874 with Maria Halpin. Everyone has dirty laundry. If yours is brought up, telling the truth will show honesty and promote loyalty. If you publicly admit to smoking an illegal substance during your younger years, immediately backpedal. Claim that you "didn't like it" and "never inhaled." This little number is credited to Bill Clinton, who later "did not have sexual relations" with Monica Lewinsky, debated the definition of "is," argued the definition of "alone" and had a "deep and emotional connection to 'Starsky and Hutch." If you're driving drunk with a woman in your car, crash in the Chappaquiddick If your accused of groping women, attempting to remove their bathing suits and admiring Adolf Hitler, take notes from Arnold Schwarzenegger and fall back on your extensive movie career, where the sets can often become "rowdy." You don't need political savvy to run for office, just a toned physique, good friends and an "outrageous, but not offensive" personality. If allegations are made that you were trying to bribe your opponent to drop out of the race in a church building, claim that it wasn't really a bribe, and if a disciplinary council doesn't act in your favor, scream conflict of interest. It seems to have worked for a USU candidate. Kasey Van is a sophon majoring in pr journalise and intern s tional studies Question: and commen can be sent a k.vandyke@ aggiemail. usu.edu. Street Speak Have you never left a tip at a restaurant? .- V - e , 111111 I A.• f,.- ' ' %_____, — "Not on purpose. Once as I was leaving a restaurant with my friends I saw a man that was eating near us get up and swip the tip we left. " "The only time I have is when the waiter spilled an entire pitcher of beer on me." —Jen Kenison, sophomore, nutrition — Nathan Ballard, senior, mechanical engineering "I was at a breakfast place and the waitress was being real catty. She was rude and yelled at me after I tried to refill my own drink because it had been empty fora long time." — Tony Lithe, senior, biochemistry 0 • , • _ , • • „\ "As a poor college student I'm very good at finding reasons to withold a tip like when I don't get mayonnaise for my fry sauce or they take too long bringing me a straw for my drink." - i © 1 . , i , \, —John Yelland, sophomore, general studies photos and information gathered by STEVE SELLERS Everybody reads The Statesman. |