| OCR Text |
Show WASATCH Deedee Acts ads MOUNTAIN TIMES Go-Between yoming Catholics and Mormons Switch Headquarters By Rick Brough kay, Okay. I had just gotten accustomed to the idea that KUTV Channel Two is now the affiliate for CBS; and that KSL Channel Five is now the home for the NBC network. Now comes this news: SALT LAKE CITY — In an announcement that caught the religious world by total surprise, the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced their world headquarters is moving to Vatican City, in Rome. At the same time, His Holiness, Pope John Paul I, announced that the Roman Catholic Church will be operating from Temple Square in Salt Lake City. In a joint press release, the two churches asked for calm: “The faithful and devout of each denomination should be reassured that despite the change in venues, they will continue to receive the same Gospel that they have come to rely upon for the past decades and/or centuries.” To John celebrate the occasion, Pope Paul Il, a talented musician in his own right, joined a guitar duet with Donny Osmond, singing a special arrangement of “I’m a Little Bit Catholic; He’s a Little Bit LDS.” According to the press release, the LDS Church’s new headquarters in Rome will give them greater opportunities to extend their influence throughout the world, especially to the newly-freed Communist Bloc. In turn, the Pope will find himself better situated to launch his western hemisphere personalappearance tours. And the mountain states region is a good time zone for TV broadcasts. (Noted one spokesman for the Pontiff: “What's good for the Olympics is good for us.”) The big change-over will take place by July 24, 1997 — the 150th anniversary of the Mormon pioneers’ entry into the valley. An extensive ad and P.R. campaign will be done to prepare for the change. Soon, the newly-christened Mormon Sistine Chapel Choir will be originating their braodcasts from “the shadows of the everlasting Seven Hills of Rome.” Also, uted billboards worldwide Holiness, along with will be distrib- showing Dick His Nourse, standing on the shores of the Great Salt Lake. As both men give a cheery thumbs-up, the caption reads: this will be The Place.” Spokesman for both “Soon, faiths are saying the switch may be a rude shock at first for natives of Rome and Salt Lake. “But remember,” said one background source, “these are two religions with basically the same attitudes about abortion, gays, women in the priesthood and the soundtrack from The Sound of Music.” The reaction from Utah’s Capitol Hill has been calm, except for a flood of phone calls from panicky state legislators — confused about what moral guidelines they’re supposed to follow in next year’s legislative session. Thus far, in interim committee sessions, there have been confused attempts to institute ‘liquorby-the-chalice” in Utah private clubs. According to sources, ohows pride in organizations that protect the world we live in by continuously donating a portion of our profits to: Wilderness Society © Sierra Club Sierra Club Legal Defense Fund We hope you take a vested interest in your surroundings by making The Wasatch Mountain Times an important part of your mountain Wyoming 518 lifestyle. Woolens Historic Main e Park City, Utah & Jackson Hole Wyoming 801-645-9427 negotia- tions between the two churches have taken place for several years. Early contacts between Salt Lake and Rome were made through Sen. Orrin Hatch and his friend, prominent American Catholic Ted Kennedy. B it was revealed at today’s ee) news Wyoming JACKSON conference that during the nego- Wear HOLE, FLEECE FEET USA tiations, the secret envoy who shuttled between Temple Square and the Vatican over many years was none other than Salt Lake Mayor Deedee Corradini. “I can now reveal that my role in the Bonneville Pacific Corporation was nothing more than a front, while I acted as a go-between with the Vatican and the First Presidency to accomplish this historic agreement. “Remember all those trips Yan and I took to Europe for ‘business,’ esspecially all those trips to Capri? I was meeting with papal envoys!” the mayor revealed. “And all those checks I drew out of Sallah International, that I couldn’t account for? All that money is going for the moving costs, planning, legal expenses, new outfits for the Vienna Boys Choir from Mr. Mac, etc,” Corradini explained. “Until the two churches made their announcement, I couldn’t PARK CITY IS NO. 1 WITH MARK MILLER SUBARU SUBARU. a MARK MILLER UTAH’S NO. SUBARU, 1 VOLUME DEALER New ’96’s Arriving Now! 649-2609 ° 268-3734 3734 South State * Salt Lake City, Utah Sales and men- Service tion any of this in all the hours I spent being questioned by the bankruptcy trustee and federal prosecutors. There were plenty of times I had to bite my lip, believe you, me!” Well, that’s the story, except for this note: One final matter is disposition of the world-famous statue of the Angel Moroni, which rises from the spires of the Temple. Said one church spokesman, “Our plans were to transport the statue to Rome. But every time we send a work crew up there, they get attacked by a flock of angry seagulls. Do you think someone is trying to tell us something?” @ Legacy® Wagon SUBARU.¢» The Beauty of All Wheel Drive™ PAGE 17 |
