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Show MMESiEwwwMmwswmwMwmmkilkMikflMiimMRMflswdi Old Th Lend Distance Reeorrf. THE "SCOTTY tM Mllee Over Mountain and Plalna'ln laaa than 45 hours) demon- - Tho Truth at Laot "General, said the ihade of Emor-on- , bating that "Santa Fa" track, oqulp-inaI ahould like to know the true and amployaaa ara of tho da itory of that cherry-tre- e eploode." pandablo kind. Well, It waa thla way," replied the hade of Gen. Washington. Papa Probably YOU wouldnt caro to rldo aid to me: George, did you cut down aa faat You prafar tho luxury of S that prune aeratlnaT No, papa, said Rogular Train from Utah and Colo, L I cannot tell a He. I did not And rado to Everywhere East and South there the incident dosed. You aee, the tree waa not a prune seratlna at woat all, but a prune ceraauo. nt Keeping Afloat. A month had passed since the count, ess had sued for divorce. A week had gone by since the papers had mentioned the affair. My dear, said the count, "can't you file amended papers or something! Weve got to keep In the swim, you know. Thereupon the lawyers were set to work afresh. A Ticket Ratea and Ask mo Trua to Naturo. Nervous Bridge Player (deprecat lngly playing cards) I really dont know what to play. Im afraid of making a fool of myaelf. Lit--1 Lovatt Bitter View. A That so! Jupiter Nodding. "Shakespeare is all wrong," muttered the leading man to the soubrette as the star walked out in front to take the call meant for tfie chief actors. In what particular? asked the soubrette. "The fault is in ourselves that we are underlings, angrily replied the leading man as he watched the monopoly In front of the footlights. I J; r; f. con-dualv- He might eat a hunk of angel food RAIMI) "Its funny that love stories and Invent a flying machine." A Joke on Him. "What's old man Groucher kicking about? asked the hardware dealer. H4immimimnfrHH' THIS i BEAUTIFUL ORGAN reWanted ten pounds o nails, us trust wouldnt an the clerk, plied to send em. Insisted on taking them with him. Huh! I hope hell sweat for it" Ill bet he will I sneaked live or lx extra pounds of em In the package." jj Limb-itation- s. Do you think John will grow any teller!" I hope not." Why?" Hes almost too tall now for his fathers o)d pants. One of the Many. Hicks Does she take in boarders. ! Wicks Dont apeak so kmd. But between you and me take In la It. just the phrase. Sh-h- ' ) ) , . - ' ! - ' ; - ) , , addr L A. BENTON, ! ) ' Q. A. P. D. BALT LAKE CITY, UTAH Oregon Short Linb RAILROAD DB Bl E. BVRLEY. 6.F.AT.A. R S. SPENCER. A6.F.ST.A i THE OVERLA1.D ROUT1 f Leading Music Dealers. -II S. Main Street, Salt Lake City, Utah. 101-1- 1 HIUIUHll.il mure to au icon SPEED 01 IKE COMFORT KRQ BAFBTY 201 MAIN SALT TTNION IT. IASI VJnbxcelled CUT, (Tffli VTAB. ACIFIC D 1 ROGRESSIVB OVBRLAND ROUTS) 44 444444444444444444444444444444444444 44 44 4 44 44 44 44 44 44 44 4 4 44 44 44 44 44 44 44 44 44 44 44 44 44 44 44 44 44 4 44 p. m. dally. Oh-- 4 rorvatlon, Drawing Room and Standard Pullman Sleeper, Tourist and Dining Car. FREE RECLINING CHAIR CAR. I 4 ' ' 4- - Ask nearest agent for information on Pacific Coast Excursions, or write to J. L. Moore, Dlst. Pas. Agent, Ssn Pedro, Los Angeles A Salt . 4 Lake R. R., Salt Lake City. 444t4444t4444t 44444e4444444444 4 t i THE DOCTORS WHO CURE Noee and throat h)ea. Nareoos Kidney and Uver Duos on. Madder Trouble Heart Plooaioo. DlHaari of Pile Visthe Stomach and Bowel Female tula and Recta Dlieaae Chronic Diorama of WoComplaint Rlchat men and ChSdren, Spinal Deaftiea Dleraea Skin Tronblea, TrouAethma. Bronchial and bles. Rheumatlcm. Hay Fv.r, NeuDlo-cao- c Ear and ralgia, HyeteiU, Rye Qoltra (or bis neck), Varleooel LoS Manhood, etc.. Blood Dlcaaoc Scrofula, and nil Prlmta Dimes forma of Nereoua and Chronic Disease (that are curable.) We cure Iha lleuor habit la I daya or no pay. rSTABDU Milwaukee Sentinel. Oftt cur DR. A. J. SHORES. Mary I hear Mlaa Olden la engag el to a man who stammers. Jane Yea. He was trying to aay "dear me," but ahe didnt let him get any further than "dear ." Just a Crank. Unexpected Indorsement. "What did that new arrival want? Uncle Jerry Peebles was looking asked 8t. Peter. over the list of "amended spellings He asked me If I knew where he recommended by the reformers. time. Good land! he exclaimed, 1 don't could get hold of four old halos, reThe Pretty One Well, it appears to see nothin strange in them words. plied the attendant angeL "He says tax some men I know to do it now. Thats the way I've alius spelled 'em." he wants to try and build an auto. A Mistake in Lives. 8ha. How "Arent store) yon afraid, Mabel, to spend Harry (In department would thla book, Gems of Thought, dufyour life with that fer?" do for Belle's birthday? Mabel (looking over her trousseau) Maude Im afraid that Belle ia Ills life, mother, not mine. mere riven to thought! of gems A Pearl, sixty-year-ol- d MOTTO: A low mild and palalaaa ft quick treatment. i t i DR O. W. SHORES. let tar free to alL Call or writ Do net d repair because you live at a dlstaaea from the city. Dr Shores new system of It easy to set export adrica end treatment at home. HOMI TREATMENT makecovers every aymptom of dime which enables thorn to dlag-ho-m Their sew symptom blank I what ran be dona for ye and whit your rear and tall you what your trouble llat and tho coat of the euro will he. W KITE If you cannot call, for their new aymptom EXAMINATION. Whether you taka treat moot ar Bat, take advantmse of tho FREE Iks advice code you nothin Ha us F'rlnstance. Great Provocation. "Yon say, madam, that yon were under great excitement when you strnck this woman." "Yes, ahe nad just found tho family Bible with my ace In it." bait t Downy One Bah Jove, y' know, they used to tax men who raised mustaches In Qneen Elisabeth's Clayton Music Co.( m roruLAi ip , The - DM NO ,4 ad-fac- ! WITH DOBCT CONNECTOR UNION PACIFIC vmch Over and Over. "Well, said Morrell, speaking of the demise of a mutual friend, a " man can only die once, and I dont know about that, Inter rupted Wiseman. I aee by the papers that the youngest drummer boy to enter the union service is dead again. Him i ppniBtnlPB, IN FIGURING YOUR TRIP EAST THAT THI 4 "Have yon anything to say why sentence should not be pronounced upon you! asked the judge. "Nothing, your honor, except that I hope you will make allowance for the fact that the lawyer who convicted me had a louder voice than the one who that" i ft . Their Intelligence. "Ah, they srem to be two souls with bnt a single thought, remarked the man eyeing the couple on their honeymoon. "Well, said the baohelor, "I tome-time- s think they have even less than SLEEPEM BBSSBBaaEEHHIBRBBBaaaSEBCaMHHSEMmHBV . Free Reclining Chair Oere. Dining Oar Berrios a la earls oe all through train. For Folders, Illastraled Booklets, eta., know! It isnt his wife, L'OIgnon Its hla cook." swered. defended me." I TO ST. LOUIS WITHOUT CHANGE OP CARS - an- , I FROM OGDEN OR BALT LAKI Not Evenly Matched. j j TOURIST 4 4 palatial Vestlbuled Trains leave Salt Lake City 8:30 you portunlty. REMEMBER we have b$en In business hero for FIFTY TEARB the oldest house In the State. OUR GUARANTEE on an In- -' strument Is absolutely good. We fully warrant everything wo selL If yon doubt our financial rat- Ing look us up. We refer you to any Banker or Commercial agen- cy in this State. AMD Domestic Note. Tete de Veau took a newspaper from his pocket, chuckling. Look at this Look here," be said. advertisement Smith baa in the per sonal column. 'Come back and Ill be kinder.' When did his wife leave, do A We have just completed arwith the largest rangements manufacturer of Organs In the world, whereby we can now offer to our many patrons here an Instrument delivered at your own station for what has ordinarily been known as FACTORY COST. This Is an arrangement that should be Investigated thoroughly before you look elsewhere, as we are sure It will appeal to you. REMEMBER we save you from, SIS to (76.00 on one organ. This Is certainly worth saving. EASY TERMS. You can send us 1160 to 66.00 per month, to suit your convenience. WE PAY THE FREIGHT. We will deliver one of them organ at any R. R. station In Utah or Idaho without any additional charge to you whatever. Do not lmag- Ine that it Is Impossible for us to do aa we say. Our system of our outside business Is handling wo perfect that we caA without any trouble whatever make de--1 livery to the smallest town In this western section. WE BUT IN CARLOAD LOTS and are thus enabled to make the ridiculously low prices that we do. YOU GET THE ADVAN-- : TAGE OF THIS. Write us at once if Interested. If not see that your friends hearof this great money saving op- PULLMAN THROUGH "Why, I saw your hired man thla morning water every one of the cows before he milked them. One of Its Uses. h CHOICE OF ROUTES. her host After all, said the morallzer, whats tbe good of money, anyway? .Well, replied tbe demoralizer, it enables a man who haa It to keep away from the people from whom he could not keep away If he didnt have ft DENVER? but" Johns S FAST FLYERS DAILY BETWEEN OGDEN AND Best He Could Do. said the young man In the case, that I am poor, but don't In Effect you think we might be able to live on "Why, SUbbles, we say to our bread and cheese and kisses?" friend. In surprise, when we see him "Yes, replied the fair maid, pulling at a big, fat cigar, didnt you ..Then," he Interrupted, see if you wear off smoking the first of the can work your father for the bread and year. Didnt you vow not to smoke cheese and Ill, attend to the rest another cigar for live years? Yes," he replies, blowing out Dilution. huge cloud of smoke. "Yes, I did Farmers, announced the fair visiand say, it seems to me to be about tor from the city, "are just aa disten .years since I swore off. honest as city milkmen. "How d'ye make that out? asked Nothin Doin. .Jack I proposed to Miss Straight-lac- e the other evening, and she Insisted on my giving up drinking, smoking and automoblllng on Sundays. Tom Well? 'Jack So I gave up the Idea of mar rylng her. t THE TOURI8T8 FAVORITE POUTS You know, Almost "Talk about dreams coming true I dreamed last night that a burglar entered my room, took my watch from the dresser and sneaked out before could catch him. I woke up, Jumped out of bed and looked for the watch. Was it goner No, but It was going. GENL. BALT LAKE CITY. "Yes, but he'll have to make a demonstration of Its efficacy before I Invest." But what sort of a demonstration could he make that would be "My daughter will get a cool million for her dowry. "Oh, that doesnt matter love overcomes all. of anticipation. He Do you agree with him!. She Oh, yes, Indeed. In the summer be promises to buy me a seSlskiu coat the following winter if Ill give up going to the seaside, and in the winter he promises to send me to the seaside the following summer If Ill give up the sealskin coat. So, you see, I am always happy. CO., MMMiaerAlaMleMlaMMllMlaMMMMimMMMM MKMMMMMMMMfcMMMMiSlSMMMUjMM Wedded to Hia Art "What haa become of punkline, the poet?" Oh, hes quit the poetry business and gone Into the artificial gas bus! ness. "Why did he do that? He waa just determined to make hla fortune scanning meters. Kan as City Times. Wise Papa. She Papa believes in the pleasures WRITTEN GUARANTEE COLUMBIA PHONOGRAPH So. Main St. Both Fhones. S27-S- Taks a Bottle or Two. Rimer Have you read any of those versified advertisements I'm writing for "Phlsslcka -- Pink Panacea? Crlttlck Yea, and they make me sick. Rimer Good. That's the effect want them to have. It helps the sale of the Panacea. MATHEWS A FLEGAL. Psychologists and Phrenologists. Consult Prof. B. N. Matthews. He gives you name and tells yoq what you need and wish to know. Hg asks no questions and coniines him elf to the truth. Prof. Matthewq holds the secret of power and pen sonal Influence: He reveals your post sibllities and enables you to realizq them. Everybody he reads for Is as( ured of success. His advice on love, marriage and business is sound anq reliable. He settles all disputes an(J helps you to get the money or prop erty that justly belongs to you. He tells you when to make investments and what to invest In. If It Is not convenient for you to see him. It will pay you to write. This gentleman iq truly gifted and the wonders he has accomplished form the topic of con venation in every city be has visited. The sceptics and the helpless are especially Invited. He locates friends and relatives and anything lost or stolen. Reading, 11.00, Room 25. Gladstone Hotel, 119 Main St.. Salt Lake City. s' , TnlMlng Machine Company In the Worid Uoee With the Machine. should Invariably end with the marProbably. riage of the hero and heroine." G. P. WARREN, What are you crying for!" Why so! Hcppeck General Agent. I fell down on the Ice and papa Lovatt "Because thats. really only the beginning of their lives. laughed at me. Lady Partner (reassuringly) Tho Atchison, Topeka A Santa Fa That's all right. I dont aee what else "But that's nothing to cry about Henpeck "That may be, but Its I know it and I ain't crying about the end of the love story. you could have done. Punch. Railway Company. but papa fell down on the Ice " that; 411 Dooly Block. and I laughed at him. NO OBSTACLE. 8alt Lake City, Utah Well, I wouldn't cry about that, either. You would If you got the spankin got" Houston Post NOTHING IS CONCEALED. orature. t Backed by the Largest to Hi Might. "1 see that Edison indorses this new scheme of special foods to stimulate the brain to do certain lines of work. fr New Onee. FREE TRIAL AND EAST PAYMENTS. Tbs new 19M models of tho COLUMBIA GRAPHOPHONBS embody all of the latest improvements In tho talking machine vorld and ara the standard of perfection. ANY OLD MACHINE TAKEN AS PART PAYMENT In exchange for the latest types, and don't forget that (SmTECCB SKULQS SPECIAL. I NEW RECORDS FOR OLD ONES. or broken Disc or Cylinder records taken as part payment fist Coaoultailea e t hi peraoa or II DEW rLUtes DV Of A fey mli. 1 Wesk Men If you softer from any of tho weaknesseser or diseases caused by Isneraue excels contusion TOU ARE THE VERT PER- SON WE WANT TO TALK TO. ear skill In curing We have proven the diseases by publishing CHRONIC from home many voluntary testimonials adarea sag asms plot people, giving WR CANT PUBLISH OUR CURES IM PRIVATE RISRASES Hrooe Sdro Because It would betray e have ta prove our skill In this alaaa of This la ear troubles hi another way. plant to I a a I Bvenbig I I OSleo him DRS. SHORES & SHORE53, Pay When Cared Ws sura you lint and then nek n REASONABLE PEE when yon ara sand. Yon can dapend upon ear word, thorns lute of NOW WE patients have Indorsed a WANT TO CURE TOU with Iha dleUnet andamtandias that we win net demoted a PEE until wo euro yo TMappHee tn Seminal Weaknes Sperlast Manhood,Varicocele. Diseases ef the matorrhoea. Prostata Gland, Unnatural Lome Power rhoe Gleet. Strietar Contagions Blood Pol eoa and all WEAKNESSES at Cbaoultatka and advlea fra to I; Sundays and Holiday IS n ta U Expert Specialists, Pletvse mention this paper. at. |
