Show the truth at last general said the shade 0 emer eon I 1 should like to know the true atory of that cherry tree episode well it was this way replied the shade of gen washington papa said to me george did you cut down that prune no papa said I 1 I 1 cannot tell a ie I 1 did not and there the incident closed you see the tree was not a prune se ratina at all but a prune true to nature nervous bridge player deprecate ecat angly playing cards I 1 really don t know what to play I 1 m afraid of mak ing a tool of myself lady partner reassuringly that s all right I 1 don t see what else you could have done punch keep ng afloat A month had passed since the count ess had sued tor divorce A week had gone by since the papers had men the affair my dear said the count can t you file amended papers or some weve got to keep in the swim you know thereupon the lawyers were set to work afresh ater view lovatt it s funny that love stories should invariably end with the ariage of the hero and heroine henpeck why soa lovatt because really only the beginning of their lives henpeck that may be but its the end of the love story 0 OBSTACLE my daughter will get a cool million tor her dowry oh that matter love overcomes all wise papa she papa believes in the pleasures ot anticipation he do you agree with him she oh es indeed in the sum mer he promises to buy me a sealskin coat the following winter it give up going to the seaside and in the winter he premises to send me to the the following summer it give up the sealskin coat so you see I 1 am always happy jupiter ng shakespeare is all wrong mut the leading man to the soubrette as the star walked out in front to take the call meant for the chief actors in what particulars 9 asked the soubrette the fault is in ourselves that we are underlings angrily replied the leading man as he watched the monopoly in front of the footlights A joke on H m old man Gr kicking asked the hardware dealer wanted ten pounds nails re piled the clerk an wouldn t trust us to send cm insisted on taking them with him huh I 1 hope hell sweat tor it bet he will I 1 sneaked five or elx extra pounds of cm in the pack age A domestic note tete de veau took a newspaper from hie pocket chuckling look here he said look at this advertisement smith has in the per bonal column come back and be binder when did his wife leave do you know it his wife loignon an its his cook not evenly matched have you anything to say why sentence een tence should not be pronounced upon youa asked the judge nothing your honor except that I 1 hope you will make allowance for the fact that the lawyer who convicted me had a louder voice than the one who defended me milwaukee sentinel over and over well said morrell speaking of the demise of a mutual friend a man can only die or ce and I 1 dont know about that inter erupted wiseman I 1 see by the papers that the youngest drummer boy to enter the union service is dead again the r intelligence ah they seem 0 o be two souls with but a single thought remarked the sad faced man eyeing the couple on their honeymoon well said the bachelor I 1 ome times think they have even less than that him F cnstance nn stance the downy one bah jove know they used to tax men who raised mustaches in queen elizabeth s time the pretty one well it appears to tax some men I 1 know to do it now great provocation you say madam that you were under great excitement when you struck this woman yes she had just found the family bible with my age in it their one mistake they were just suited to each oth er and might have been very happy bua well but oh of course they had to go and get married boston transcript warm work say old boy I 1 scorched a bit in an new auto and now I 1 find myself n hot water what I 1 do for youa why bail me it in effect why we say to our friend in surprise when we see him pulling at a big fat cigar dian didn t you swear off smoking the first of the year dian didn t you vow not to smoke another cigar for five years yes he replies blowing out a huge cloud of smoke yes I 1 did and say it seems to me to be about ten years since I 1 swore off almost talk about dreams coming true 1 dreamed last night that a burglar en my room took my watch from the dresser and sneaked out before I 1 could catch him I 1 woke up jumped out of bed and looked tor the watch was it gone no but it was going john s limb do you think john will grow any taller I 1 hope not he s almost too tall now for his father s old pants one of the many hicks does she take in boarders wicks sah don t speak so loud but between you and me take in is just the phrase so he M I 1 see that edison indorses this new scheme of special foods to the brain to do certain lines of work that soa yes but he 11 have to make a dem on of its efficacy before I 1 in vest but what sort of a demonstration could he make that crould be con elusive 9 he might eat a hunk of angel food and invent a flying machine probably what are you crying fora I 1 tell down on the ice and papa laughed at me but that s nothing to cry about I 1 know it and I 1 ain t crying about that but papa fell down on the ice and I 1 laughed at him well I 1 wouldn t cry about that either you would it ou got the I 1 got houston post take a bottle or avio rimer have you read any of those versified advertisements I 1 m writing for s pink pan aceal cottick yes and they make me sick rimer good that s the effect I 1 want them to have it he j the sale of the panacea sa s1 wedded to H s art what has become of the poeta oh he s quit the poetry business and gone into the artificial gas bust ness why did he do thata he was just determined to make his fortune scanning meters kan sas city times best he could do you know said the young man in the case that I 1 am poor but don t ou think might be able to live on bread and cheese and yes replied the fair maid but then he interrupted see it you can work your father for the bread and cheese and attend to the rest D lut orf farmers announced the fair tor from the city are just as dis honest as city milkmen how d ye make that outa asked her host why I 1 saw your hired man this morning water every one of the cows before he milked them bothin doin jack I 1 proposed to miss straight lace the other evening and she in aisted on my giving up drinking smoking and on sun days tom wella jack I 1 gave up the idea of mar crying her one of its uses after all said the moralizer what s the good of money well replied the demoralizer it enables a man who has it to keep away from the people from whom he could not keep away if he dian didn t have it mary I 1 hear Ms olden Is engaged to a man who stammers jane yes he was trying to sa dear me but she dian didn t let him get any further than dear unexpected endorsement indorsement Indor uncle jerry peebles was looking over the list of amended spellings recommended by the reformers good land he exclaimed I 1 dont see bothin strange in them words that s the way I 1 ve allus spelled em A pearl she harry in department store how would this book gems of thought do tor belles birthday 9 maude im afraid that belle is more given to thoughts of gems sconce what was the most important bill you ever had anything to do witha asked the interviewer the bill that did most for me answered senator sorghum was a bill for services rendered educated you say her daughters are highly educated 9 they have been taught to say this is so sudden in every modern lan buee cudse just a crank what did that new arrival wanta asked st peter le asked me if I 1 knew where he could get hold of amr old halos re plied the attendant angel he says he wants to try and build an auto A mistake in lives aren t you afraid mabel to spend jour life with that sixty year old fera mabel looking over her trousseau his life mother not mine absent M brown complains that his wife dis cou rages him by throwing cold water on all of his plans she used to be a laundress and probably thinks she s still sprinkling the clothes detroit free press all mixed up I 1 don t really love jimmy then why don t you give him his congee oh goodness I 1 d be sure to W in ave with him it I 1 did |