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Show ? Fourth! I The in Boomville f Celebration u Described the Small Bey. " ky OOMVILLE Will : Cele-6- l brate the Nation's Smith and 1 stood with our hands In our pockets tal Day. and read the notice In flaming red s as "Cy" Smith unrolled the poster preparatory to tacking it on Doc Blaston's shoe shop. We didnt understand what that natal day" business meant, but celebrate that could only mean one thing this season of the year. flT vEf) let-ter- Whoopee! Boom! Cracky! and Sammy and 1 shied a tin can at Doc Blastons setter pup and dug down the alley as Tied a Can on the ,a8t a four browB legs could carry us. Pup "Hey! Stub, it's to be; theyre puttin' the bill Stub dropped the bait can up now. half full of worms and Joined the of the glad tidings. Two minutes later we ended up in front of the bill to read further. "I call that a mighty neat Job of printin, said the editor of the Weekly Banner, who had happened along. We broke the claws holdin' the arrows off our eagle wood cut two years ago and blamed if we could find the piece this year. The old bird looked mighty squatty until we hit upon havin' him sit on that log from the Mink Lumber Companys ad.1 Looks like that old turkey buzzard that rooBls on the rotten log in Deacon Shuffecorns pasture, sniffed old Prof. Kraln. Kraln had started a paper In opposition to the Banner three years before, but it bad fizzled out after intermittent Issues for six , tinsel and red, white and blue bunting. We never had any real fun until late in the afternoon, when we tied a can on Doc Blaston's setter pup and set off a bunch of firecrackers in it. We hated Doc Blastou and had even less regard for his setter pup, because be wouldn't chase a ack rabbit. We were sorry afterwards we did It, for that premature can spoiled a whole lot of fun next day. Every dog in Boomville decamped that night; even the cats roosted in the trees for two days. A boom that rattled the window frames awakened me before day next morning. With no bat and only one suspender over my shoulder 1 scurried down to Uncle Billy's blacksmith shop. Uncle Billy was out in front shooting off the anvil. He had a whole quart can of powder. Carefully the square hole in the anvil was filled with powder and a hardwood plug whittled to fit it. A gorove in one side of the plug was left for the fuse. Uncle Billy scratched the match down the leg of his overalls, touched the fuse and then hurried behind the shop door. The aged blacksmith was slightly deaf and liked a noisy Fourth. Thirteen times the powder was injured in and touched The events of that day crowded upon each other fast and furious. The parade started half an hour late because the Goddess couldn't get her brown hair waving to the best effect After the parade things dragged a lit tie until the speaking began. We wouldn't have stayed around near the speaking except we sometimes got a dish of les cream for turning a freezer for Jim The Hon. Tim Todhuntei othy gave the oration and Deacon Heffle-tow- old Shoebuckler's general son-in-la- dln-nerpa- fellow-millionair- Record-Herald- mer- o, Ojoth Tom not 1o honor 41fi Id concldev h. UtTngr fc. honored - ajkJ 1 it'lhe sid sson:i .Tomnvy (VdKng' 'tfivo. i$, spu A Bit of Advice. Tie the thumb on little Willie Ae he wanders forth to play. It may look a trifle silly, But hell need the thumbe some day A thin line of cottonwoods and few scragged elms on Cowskln creek, five miles away, were the nearest chafe at the restriction trees to Boomville now. Jim McGood HeAndmay protest against the plan. solved the shade problem. He would But youll have his benediction When he gets to be a man. build au arbor, himself, if they would give frlm the sole privilege of selling lemonade and ice cream near by. Jlm'i offe- - was accepted. Where to Draw the Line. On July 3 Sammy Smith and I were Wo hear a good deal about a sans pretty busy. We kept the road warm between the place where Jim McGood Fourth, hut what is really needed is the ability to draw the line betweer was putting leafy branches of cottonwood, brought from the Cowskin harmless noise and a combination olC grove, over a frame work of plaak, and train wreck, dynamite explosion an the hack part of the livery stable war with the improved Implements oi where the floats were being decked la modern warfare. . A Prophet In His Own Country. I don't believe, remarked good old hunt Loeezy, "that Llge Potter is read the Declaration of InThat dependence. is he started to He had The Deacon Was read ita of n them. Oh. It waa the most delightful wed "My happiest days, said Mr. RockI ever attended. the check for ding a as be ingham, signed Was It?" puriwse of satisfying one of the credYea. cried." Detroit were everybody itors of bis tilled il Free Press. the days when I was carrying a that my wife bad filled with HARD LINES. her own hands." Hm," replied Ills candid in those days I aupimse you could sit down comfortably and eat with your knife, and never had to be aonstantly on the alert for fear you might say you done It.' "Chicago er Q Spb8fe chandise store. He had offered to give $25 as the first contribution. His rival in business, old Dan Turner, across the street, growled and said he did it Just for advertisement A man's business was the last thing attended to In Boomville during the next three weeks. Floats bad to be built for the Goddess of Liberty and her attendants to ride on. Boomville had no treea that would do as a shade, fer the drought three years before had killed even the trees in the city park. Where the young cottonwoods, 20 feet tall, used to grow, was an oat field. Beside the oat field was a stretch of ground that once bore the appella"Joe' tion of Dascom boulevard. Skinner said hed have the best crop of potatoes on that ground this year ever raised In Boomville, If the bugs didn't hit em or the hot winds blow, I reckon they ought to be better than ordinary, bein raised on that high-flutiground, he used to fling at Joe Dascom, who helped him hoe At the Wedding. off. Very Excitable. th declarati0!1 from his hip pocket and started to read when Sammy Smith touched a cannon cracker off behind the speakers' stand. The deacon was naturally very excitable. He tried to proceed but his hands Jerked spasmodically. Suddenly the declaration parted in the middle where it had been folded In the months. But there wasnt anything squatty deacons pocket. They sent after a about the birds of freedom, as far as we new declaration, but the crowd had kids could see. Besides, we were busy left before it arrived. The greased pig had been caught reading down further what was going and the entries were Just in for the to happen. slippery pole climbing exhibition when Fine shade, grand music, magnificent parade, most eloquent speakers my recollection came to a vivid close. in the state. Races! Races! Races! That night about nine oclock I waked Ball games, climbing the greased pole, up with a bandaged eye, a swollen and one arm in a sling. They told catching the greased pig, a grand Jaw me Sammy Smith bad climbed er and tlght-ropof exhibition spectacular I went to sleep happy. walking by Capt. McMaln. The grand finale, $95.50 worth of fireworks, let off from a stand In These front of the city calaboose. i For the Babies. were a few of the features that would 1 want to get some fireworks for mj mar the usual lethargy of Boomville on July 4. little boy something that will be saf Shore goln to have $95 worth of for him to set off by himself, explain I fireworks; therell be pinwheels, giant the young mother. fire crackers and skyrockets, till yon Tea, maam, replied the courteous I dealer. How old is your little boy? can't rest," said Sid Glrkens. Hell be 14 months and two days know, cause dad was at the meetin old the night they voted to have 'em. I don't believe we have anything he It had been five years since Boom ville had bad a celebration. For 12 could be trusted with. Oh, dear! Haven't you any safety years before that time the eagle had screamed in fashvociferous ion as regular as Independence day came around. That was when the boom was on the town. In those days Jeff Dascom gave $150 to buy fireworks. Jeff borrows his chewing tobacco now. The bubble had burst-ed- , the lean days had come and patriotism had waned in Boomville. The celebration this year was due to young Leon Talbert who had bought out THE DAY WE CELEBRATE doin' very well In Chicago." Oh, I don't know, replied Uncle LlphuleL "Llge usier be a purty sharp chap before he went there." Yes, but we've been takin' this Chicago paper four years now, and it's never once mentioned his name, even when the hull Put ter family went there ter visit hliu! Puek. Almost Brutal. The honeymoon bad almost bumped ts last hump. "George, dear, she said, do you how nervous you were when ou proposed to me? In facL Yes. answered George. I waa ao rattled that night I didnt resize what I waa doing. Yet, being a woman, hla acknowledgment did not seem to satisfy her. Utiicago Dolly News. THE WAY OF IT. Hostess Why didnt you Splasher with you? bring-Cap- CapL Bolson Duty, Mrs. Clutter-buc-k. We couldnt both get away, v-- to run low, and It seemed as though Plumvllles celebration, was not destined to wind np In a blase of glory. Rather, that was the way It seemed before Dickeys arBribed funds began Roar of the : British Lion ? WHEN h g a -- Hostess And you won? CapL Bolson No I lost! Trying Profession. get paid very well for designing these striking art posters, A You Spatts rival. The finance committee of the celebration felt that he should and would provide the needed funds for the fireworks, and the chairman waited upon him at once and broached the subject WRIGHT A. PATTERSON What Dickey said to the chairman (hat official did not repeat, but he did report to the committee that the funds for the fireworks would be forthcomold Peter Brown died ing, and the town paper contained the left hie fortune a very following notice on the morning of the third: one to hla P. Chawley Brown, as CELEBRATION EXTRAORDINARY young man signed It, ATTRACTION! or "Dickey Brown aa he The committee on arrangement! of waa familiarly known to hla intimates. tlm Plumville Fourth of July celebraBut the fortune had conditions attion, announce the engagement of a tached, conditions that were a beastGENUINE ENGLISH LION. ly bore, dont you know. The only one In captivity In thle Old Peter had been one of the old country. He will be securely caged, and will provide entertainment by settlers of Plumville; hla son had roaring when hie tall la twleted. been born there and married there, DO NOT FAIL TO SEE IT. and Dickey had first seen the light The admission price will be cents. of day at the same place. But with When Fourth of July morning the Increase of fortune Dickeys mother had developed society lean-lng- dawned, a large size tent was one of the features of the grounds on which and she had taken Dickey cast where the could dabble in the the celebration waa to he held. Across edges of the society sea, and Dickey It In large letters was the sign: had grown np In the atmosphere of THE ENGLISH LION HEAR IT Saratoga and Newport, with an occaROARI sional visit to London whan Urn "seaThe eurioslty of the visitors and son" waa on. When It came to the question of a the townspeople was at white heaL university nothing short of Oxford and they flocked Into the tent as sooa would answer; all America was too as It was opened. There was Dickey in a hastily conprovincial to be thought of. So it was structed his of cage, securely bound down on he that spent the greater part teens and neared his majority la Eng- all fours, properly arrayed In his land. at all timea a willing student of checked trousers, white spats, with his monocle fastened securely In place English snobbery. It was with considerable disgust sod himself decorated with a bushy that Dickey read the letter from his tall. The chairman young hoperul, American lawyers warning him that garbed In continental uniform and If he wished to have the handling of cocked haL was operating the tailhis grandfathers money after his piece. This was but a doubled strand twenty-fiftbirthday It would he nec- of rope fitted around Dickey's stomessary to comply with the old gentle-- ach so tightly that when given an aii's expressed command that he extra twist or two It became torture spend each of hla birthdays from his to the victim, and produced the promtwenty-firs- t to his twenty-fift- h la his ised roar. The crowd went wild with delight town Plumvllle. native of at the novelty of the entertainment "A beastly bore, dont you know, said Dickey, ts he read the letter for while Dickey roared, and howled, and the third time. I say now, why could swore, and vowed vengeance upon Plumville and the enllre nation. not the old codger have left that out? The $100 worth of flreworka wltn It was on the first of July that Dickey arrived at Plumville, monocle, which Plumville wound up Us celebrabrilliantly checked trousers, whltn tion were promptly paid for when the spats, walking stick and all the other bill waa presented. Dickey spent his essentials without which life in Lon-Io- birthday in bed In the town hospital, would be scarcely worth the living. and baa not been heard from since the Plumville Just at that time was very day following, though the fame of Plumvllle'a British Hon haa spread much Imbued with a spirit of patriotism, and looked at everything English from ocean to ocean. Should he fall 'ery much as the audience looks upon to return for hla birthday this year, he villain In the show. The town was the town will be able to replace the tolng to celebrate, and they were go-'- present hospital with a more commodito do it on a very big scale for ous 'Structure out of the old gentle-maB'Plumville. Everything had been fortune which It inherits, for with the exception of tin should Dickey not meet the conditions evenings fireworks when the sub if the win. - dont yon? Kuller Bkoem Ob, yea, but it hardly pays in the long run. Spat te No? Kuller Skeem 1 have to eat expensive suppers to induce the proper grade of nightmares to furnish the ideas and then there are doctors bills., too. TWIN SOUL8.. Before we were married you said my slightest wish would be your law. Exactly; but youve got ao many wishes vigorous and that I am unable to decide which Is the slightest! Chicago Journal. d Knew the 8ex. Minister I am exceedingly gratified at the wonderful Increase in the attendance of men at our Wednesday, Friday and Saturday evening Good prayer-meeting- For the past three weeks the church haa been thronged with men. g Hla Wife It's time. N. Y. Weekly. house-cleanin- Good at the 8tarL I have patronized the same tailor for ten years, said the slouchy-look-In- g man. "Your suit must have been made of good stuff replied the candid bystander. Chicago Record-Herald. HIS QUERY. Miss Smartt You don't seem te think very much of Mr. Zorkins, yet you are with him a great deal. Mr. Swelle Oh! I know hea an awful Idiot; but what can one do? Hli political views are the same as mine Cruel' Insinuation. Old Lady' They tell me madam, your husband Is continually-smokindreadfully Young Woman (bursting Into tears) 1 dont believe 1L your horrid ols A Stern thing! Old Lady (astounded) What's the matter with the woman? Officious Bystander Her husband-dead- . Baltimore American. ' A Fruitless Scheme; The Jinkses have lost that splendid cook of theirs. "How cans that? "So man.' were after her that the eldest son married her to keep her In the family. Baltimore American. If Youre a Good' Losert-"TherBrown I beard your daughter's Is a chasm between me and graduation essay. It waa s remarkWhst Is the best way ton society. able production. Wood Yes; but can she alt down me to cross It?" "Bridge." Baltimore American, and explain what It means? |