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Show sult. The rub lieutenants do more to e keep a passable sidewalk for the of said cub lieutenants than all How the magistrates put together. th-used to swsgger up snd down the Konigsstrasse, around the Flatx, in and out of the restaurants! I rejtas-sag- y member doing some myself, nnd I was a diplomat, suptosed to be immune from the rank discourtesies of the military. Hut that was early In my career. In n year nm so remote as not to be readily recalled, the United States me off to Karst belt because 1 packr-bad an uncle who was n senator. Home paiiers were given me, the permission to hang out a shingle reading "American Consul," and the promise of my board and keep. My amusements were to be paid out of my own pocket. Straightway I purchased three horses, found capable Japanese valet, and selected cozy house nesr the barracks, which stood west of the Volksgarten, on a pretty lake. A beautiful road ran around this body of water, and It waanT long ere the officers began to psss comments on the riding of "that wild American. Aa I detest what Is known ns park riding, you may very well believe that I circled the lake at n clip which must have opened the eyea of the easy-goinofficers. I grew quite chnmniy with n few of them, and 1 may apeak of occasions when 1 did not step off the sidewalk as they came along. A man does more toward gaining the affection of foreigners by giving a good dinner now nnd then than by International law. I gained considerable fame by my little dinners at Muller's rathskeller, under the Continental hotel. Six months passed, during which 1 rode, read, drove and dined, the actual labors of the consulate being cared for by a German clerk who knew more about the buslnemi than I did. Hy this you will observe that dlpln- side-steppin- t By HAROLD McGRATH Amlbmr mf "Tha Nm mi lha Baa. "Hoods and Monks," Llo. n llat-- f rifM, IMu, MuMtk-Mwn- a IwJ CHAPTER I. It la rather difficult In these days fur mao who takes such scant Interest to foreign affairs trust a whilom diplomat for that! to follow the continual geographical disturbances of Kumjiean surfaces. Thus, I ran not distinctly recall the exact location of the Grand Duchy of Itaischelt or of the neighboring principality of It meets tuy needs and huwever. to say that Ilerlln and Vienna were easily accessible, and that a three hours' Journey would bring you under the shadow of the Carpathian range, where. In iny diplomatic days, 1 used often to hunt the "bear that walks like a man." Harschelt was known among her slater states as "the meddler, " the "maker of trouble, and the duke as Old Grumpy llriimmbar. To use a familiar Yankee expression, liarwhclt had a finger In every plo. Whenever there was a political broth making, whether In Italy, Germany nr Austria, ItaraecU would snatch up a ladle ami start In. Rhn took care of her own affairs so easily that she had plenty of time to concern herself with the affairs of her neighbors. This is not to advance the opinion that Harm-hol- t was wholly modern; fur from It. The fault of llarachelt may be traced back to n certalu historical pillar of salt, easily recalled by all those who atRublK-rlntended Sunday school. Is a vulgar phraao, and 1 disdain to uae It. When a woman looks around It Is Invariably a portent of trouble; the man forgets his Important engagement, aud runs amuck, knocking over people, principles and principalities. Dop-pelkln- pur-pose- s, g snd General Miierrlscb, of the em peror's body guard, who was. I'm sure good enough in his own opinion fo. any woman. Kvery train brought ti tbe capital Mime suitor with n eon collated, hyphenated name nnd a pedi gree ns long as n bore's Idea of t funny ctory. Hut the prlneesa did no, cate for iedigrees that were squint . One and all oi eyed or them she cast aside aa nnworthy her consideration. Then, like the anelen She shouh1 worm, the duke turned. who, having m marry Dopirf-Jkiuii- . wife to do the honors In his castle was wholly agieeahle. The Prince of Doppelklnn reigned ; over the neighboring principality. you stood in the middle of It nnd were n baseball player, you could throw s stone across the frontier In any dlrec thin. Hut the vineyards were among the finest In Europe. The prince was a widower, und among his own people was affectionately styled "der Rot naxig, which, I believe, designates an illuminated proboscis. When he wasn't fishing for rainbow trout he was sleep lug In his cellars. He was often miss. Ing st tbe monthly reviews, but no body ever worried; they knew where to find him. And besides, he might Just as well sleep In his cellars ns In his rsrrlage, for he never rode n horse If he could get out of doing so. He was really and easy-goinao long aa no one crossed him severely; and you could tell him a Joke once ami depend upon his understanding It Immediately, which Is more than 1 can say fur the duke. Years and years ago the prince had had a son; but at the tender age of three the lioy had run away from the castle confines, and no one ever heard of him again. The enemies of the priuce whispered among themselves that the boy had run away to escape compulsory military service, but the laiy's age precluded tbia accusation. bow-legged- ginxl-naiure- d u EXCURSIONS. Commencing June 1st. Frequent dates during June to eastern points. Finest train service, and grandest scenery, via Colorado Midland Ry. Write U H. Harding, general agent, Salt Lake, for full information and A BEAUTIFuL COMPLEXION details. New Revealed. FREE DIRECTORIES: What beauty la more dealrable than an exquisite complexion and elegant TIME CARDS. Jewels. 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Por reservations or other Information ask your loeal agent, 311 D. F. Walker Bldg. Balt Lake City. 5wwwwxT.r.T.r.T.r.x. aasBrinnl I U Two dally palatial Attorney A Counselor. ' Or Write J. H. Burtner, 0. P. A., 1S9 Miin Street, Salt Like City All Our Country Friends iar. This Duchy of Harschelt la worth looking Into. Imagine a country with telegraph and telephone and medieval customs, a country with electric lights, railways, surface cars, hotel elevators and ancient laws! Something of the customs of the duchy must be told In the passing, though, for iny part, 1 am vigorously against explanatory passages In stories of action. Harschelt bristled with militarism; the little mar always Imitates the big one, but lacks the big man's excuses. Mil- f ffhO Dspot: Third Weat Street, between North and South Temple Streeta. TRAINS 1.EAVB: Going west at 6:45 n. m.; 7:45 a. m.; 13:10 p. a.; 3:00 p. m.; 8:16 p. m.: 11:00 p. m.; 11:50 p. m. Going south at 8:00 a. m.; 4:50 pi m.; 6:30 p. m. 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If you could not read, so much the worse for you; you had to pay n guide who charged you almost as much as the full cost of the fine. The oppoiltlon polltleal party In the United States Ik always howling militarism. without the slightest Idea of what militarism really Is. One side, when an officer pleas, in comes along, or take the coneequenccs. If you carelessly bumped Into him, you were knorked down. If you objected, you were Arrested. If you struck back, ten to oue you received n beating with the flat of n saber. And never, never mistake the soldiery for the police; that. Is to say. never ask a officer to direct you to any place. This 1 regarded In the light of an in work ana at great expense. It la the' method used by tbe fairest and mosg beautiiul women of Europe. Hundreds of American women who now un it have expressed their delight and satisfaction. 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If this article Is marktd It means the time has come to pay up. Please take notice and try to realize the poeltlon we are forced Into without any desire on our part. OREGON g be Local rejffwseaar' tire for Stockton to nnd vicinity look gftur renewals nnd Increase subscription list of n prominent monthly magazine, on n salary and commission basis. Experience desirable, but Good opportunity for not necessary. Address Publisher. BOX MMAift TO OUR READER. Should Call 0 327-- 29 a World-Famou- macy lias degenerated Into the gentle art of exciting Jaded palates and of scribbling one's name across passports; I know of no better definition. 1 forget what the largess of my office was. Presently there were terrible doings. The old reigning grand duke desired peace of mind; and moving determinedly toward this end, he declared In public that his niece, the young and tender Princess Hildegarde, should wed the Prince of Doppelklnn, whose vineyards gave him a fine Income. This was finality; the avuncular guardian had waited long enough for his willful ward to make up her mind as to the selection of a suitable husband; now he determined to take a hand In the mat ter. And you shall see how well he managed it. It Is scarcely necessary for me to state that her highness had her own ideas of what a husband should be like, gathered, no doubt, from execrable translations from "Ouida and the gentle Miss Hruddon. A girl of SO usually has a formidable regard fur romance, and the princess was fully up to the manner of her kind. If she cmild not marry romantically, she refused to marry lit all. 1 can readily appreciate her uncle's perturbation. 1 do not know how many princelings she thrust Into utter darkness. he would never marry a man who wore glasses; this one was too tall, that one too short: and when one happened along who was without visible earmarks or slgus of being shopworn her refusal was based upon Just "Heeause!" a weapon as invincible as the fabled spear of Parsifal. She had spurned the addresses of Prince Mischlcr, laughed at those of the tthe short dash Count of Indicates the presence of a hyphen) Main St. and Hear the s The prince advertised, after the fash ion of those times, sent out detectives and notified his various brothers; but his trouble went for nothing. Not the slightest trace of the boy could be found. . So he was mourned for a season, regretted and then forgotten; the prince adopted the grape arbor. 1 I saw the prince once. do not blame tbe Princess Hildegarde for her rebellion. The prince was not only old; he was fat aud ugly, with little, elephant-lik- e eyes that were always vein-shorestless and full of mischief. He might have made a good father, but 1 have nothing to prove this, those bottles of sparkling Moselle which he fulled to dispose of to the American trade he gave to his brother In Harschelt or drank himself. He was G8 years old. A nephew, three times removed, was waiting for the day wnen be shonld wabble around hi the prince's shoes. He was a lieutenant In the duke's t, body-guar- n quick-tempere- heady chap. Well, he never wubhlcd around In his uncle's shoes, for he never got the chanee. I hadn't been In Harschelt a before 1 heard a great deal about the She was a famous princess. This made me extremely anxious to meet her. Yet for nearly six months I never even got much s a glimpse of her. Half of the six months she was traveling through Austria, , the other hair she kepi out of niT not Intentionally; she Vn-'nothin of my existence; simply, fate moved ns about blindly. At conn she was in variably Indisposed, nnd at the first court ball she retired before I arrived 1 got up at all times, gulloped over roads, but never did 1 see her. usi rode alone, too. pan of the time. horse-woma- ITO UE CONTINTLD.) Fit any "talking machine and make it almost as good as the COLUMBIA GRAPHOPHONE. i |