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Show HAD NERVE, BUT NO MONEY. Unlucky . Hitrbrock blushed and shook hands sheepishly, not recognising the man, and not wishing to show it. , Say, I want to speak to you confidentially." said the stranger. All right; what is It?" asked tbs comedian. Well, 1 am up against some hard luck They cleaned me and I want to get home. Now, don't let any one of these people see you, but slip me enough for car fare, will to-da- your "Sure," said Hitchcock, placing his In his pocket. Then he paused and queried: Where do you live?" Vancouver," was the answer. Hitchcock took a flying leap for his machine, and unless the visitors at New Orleans are more gullible, the Impecunious one is still looking for car. fare Harpers Weekly. land for Historical Work. One million five hundred thousand dollars la offered aa a prise for a literary composition, the biggest prise of Rleh Pries Its kind on record. The award will ha made at St. Petersburg on December 1, 1926, to the writer of the beat history of Alexander I. of Russia. Arakt-cheie- f, founder of the military colonies of Novgorod, left a fortune of 60,000 gold rubles (f 25,750) to provide for this unique prise. The prise-givin- g s day la the centenary of the Cxar death, by which time the money will, it is estimated, have increased to $2,000,000. of It will he used to defray the coat of publishing the work which wlna the prise. True to the Sex. On swept the amasona. Suddenly the long line of female warriora baited on the brink of battle. "What are they waiting for?" naked the war correspondent. "Powder! replied the commander laconically. "Ah, they are about to put some powder in their gune? "No; they are about to put some powder on their noses. Just because they are warriora la no reason why they should be any different from other women. And then there waa a moving-picturscene of animated puffs and flashing band mirrors. Ales-ander- One-fourt- h e Dissertation on Henpeck. Aa Ohio man li reported to be at the point of death from blood poisoning earned by henpeck. This is .rather queer. There ere many men In and around Eskridge who are henpecked a thousand times a year, and while It makes the - blood boll no poisoning has set in. Wabaunsee Tribune. Whether you be men or women, yon will never do anything In the world without courage. It la the greatest quality of the mind, next to honor. by yrara of himunklil drallng and olid suunwtrwi rrliavra jrox of nil Watt-ha- . hililliiy la purrliu.lng ISSS Ulauianili of tit aid huu.dwrJrj of Eirnai for Man's Modest Request Pecuniary Assistance. -- aymond Hitchcock, the comedian, while in New Orleans a few months ago, took the opportunity uf going to the races. Luring the afternoon be cached several ticket, the result of lie was feeling happy good guesses, after the last race, and started for the automobile which was to convey him back to his hot1!. As he was about to climb Into the machine he felt a hand on his arm, and a man shouted in his ear: "Hello, Hitchcock, how are you? Hear you put a crimp in the bookies James RELIABILITY GLUED THEM DOWN HOW A SKIPPER 8AVED rffS WHIP FROM SAVAGES. rinu South Sea leland Natlvee Wart Decidedly Up Against It Whan They Mixed Things with Capt. McCabe. SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH. "it was when 1 waa trading around r. o. nos ises the South sea islands that I had a Hath fbiuiMi ISSS narrow escujie from a band of savages that were going to take my ship," said ('apt. AleCuhe, the veteran sailor who has now settled ashore to pass his days in iels'ire, to a Seattle man. It came near having a serious ending for me, but 1 came out ahead after ail. "1 waa sailing in a pretty little schooner, the Mattie W., and we had a general cargo fur trading. Setting on deck were about 20 cases of n glue that was never known to let go, but we eonldu't sell a bit of it. "Well, we got down to Miieceiio, one of the group of the New Hebrides, and there we anchored In Manley bay. The snowy sand of the beach was shaded by waving palms and the sheltered waters of the bay were warm and aa clear aa crystal. We lay there for a week resting up and cleaning up the ship. We had been trading for almost a year then and there was nothing left but the glue nud that was plied alongside the companion way. "Well, one afternoon I let all the crew go ashore, and they were inland or away swimming in the clear water. I lay down to have a snooxe. Suddenly I waa awakened by a sharp Jolt and all around me were South sea savages. They were armed with apeara, bows and arrows and atone tomahawks Their actions were hostile and I saw right away that I waa up against It. I waa alone on the vessel with all these armed heathens. "Just then I happened to touch one of those glue boxes and In a flash an idea came to me. There waa n large bunch standing near the main fife rail and I grabbed five bottles and threw them at that crowd of savages one after the other. The bottles were thin glass and every one broke. Then, before the savages could recover their wits, I started throwing more. The glass would break and the glue ran all over them. When they tried to walk the glass would cut their feet and in n few minutes 1 had that whole crowd of savages glued to the 'deck unable to move. The glue hardened almost instantly on touching the air and this was what saved me. When I saw that they were all caught 1 signaled for the crew to return and then we weighed anchor and put off for Charlotte, in the Gilbert islands, where there were laborers wanted. I wasn't engaging in the slave trade, mind you, because these natives had come on board of their own free will and hadn't left At Charlotte a planter offered to pry those savages loose from the deck and give $1,000 to boot, and I let him do it. That planter also took all the rest of the glue that we had. That waa one of the moat fortunate voyages that ever J made. Right of Way. As a train from Washington recest-l- y slowed up before the station at a small town la Virginia the mail big was thrown to a darky lad of perhaps 12 years, who at once started off at a brisk trot .to the post office. He hid not gone more than ten yards before a large negro boy ran into lilm, almost knocking the youthful messenger off his feet. Look heah, nlggah!" exclaimed the messenger, with a glance of Indignation, Yonae tryln to git in Jail, ain't you? Youae interferin' wid de United States mail, nlg-gaWhen yo jars me yo Jars de government of de United States!" Harpers Weekly. $30 California A Ret Salt Lake Route. In a Mannar of Speaking. A Scotch witness was being examined as to the sobriety of the defendant and, In hia anxiety not to express an unfavorable opinion, had made so many evasive answers that both Judge and counsel became exas- perated. Now, sir," cried the Judge, "answer Wu he or was be not Intoxicated? "Aweel," said Sandy, T wullna deny that he was intoxicated in a manner o apeakia'. "And pray, sir, what do you mean by that? roared the Justice. "I mean, Sandy replied, very calmly, that ha could walk straight but he could na talk atraight" Harper's Weekly. the question. WAIT FOR THIS. Only $30 round trip to California, la Salt Lake Route. Write for full information to J. H. Burtner, Salt Lake City. Busy Hotel Elevators. At the Waldorf-Astori- a hotel in New York It ia estimated that the trlpa of the elevators cover about 120 miles daily. $30 California A Ret Salt Lake Route. A Cruel Pe-ru-n- a. you would toll me what. In your opinion, was the lady's reason for auch an actr aga-vChrlst- ian waa the Ingenuous reply, that she waa mad at him. Of course, she mightn't have been you can't tell much about women; you know but that's the way it looked to me." Tom P. Morgan la Smart Set Well, I reckon, Children and the Home. "Children," said Judge McEwen at a dinner in Chicago, "are the great The lack of children home builders. incans unhappinesx, divorce. In the majority of the divorce suits that I pass on and I pass on 100 a month the couples are between 30 and 40 years of age, and childless. So children should be prized and cherished, despite their faults. Faults they have, I will admit. Only the other day I heard of a little girl, who, lunching out, was detected in the act of rram-lulna large yellow handful of Spanish omelet into the pockef of her pink frock. 'Why, you little pig.' exclaimed her mother, 'what on earth are you MRS. W. H. SIMMONS. r Tl 7TR8. XV. IT. SIMMONS, 1110 E. 6tli about? Put that back on your plate IVJL St, Kansas City, Mo., mcmler of at once. Why, I never heard of xueh the KalionalAnnuity Association, a thine. What on earth do you mean writes: by It? My health waa excellent until about is bo imivvor. the child n year ago, when I had a complete col- explained. 'I good, Just thought I'd take from not getoverdoing socially, lapse too many late a piece home to our cook for a patting the proper rent, and tern.' in dreadwas a suppers. .My stomach ful condition, and my nerve all unstrung. Different. I was advised hr a friend to try Peru nu, and eventually 1 bonghl a lioltle. "My wife simply pelted me with 1 took it and then anoilier, uml kept beautiful flowers when 1 came home from the club last night." using it for three months. At the end of that time my heulth ; How nice! Waa restored, my nerves no longer Not much. They were all in flowei troubled me. aud I felt myself once more aud able to assume my social pots. Milwaukee Sentinel. jposiLion. 1 certainly feel that Reruns g 'It deserving of praise." Suggestive. There are many re axons why society Ilewltt 1 couldn't sleep a wink last Women break down, why their nervous bystemn fail, why they have systemic or night y Jewitt It must have been an later pelvic catarrh. Indeed, they are liable to these ailments. No won-l- eating game. they require the protection of Pern in. It is their shield aud safeguard. er logian, said long ago that one was necessary and Inevitable, and there are features about the present upheaval whlrh remind us curiously of that old one of nigh four centuries World. $30 California A Ret. Salt Lake Route. Special Guidance Needed. Edwin A. Halsey, late assistant charge d'affaires of the senate who halls from Virginia, is responsible for the following story: An old darkey who hail not been to church for a long time appeared one night at prayer meeting. His presence at the meeting was commented on by one of his brethren of the church. The conversation between the two was something like this: Say, Brother Johnson, I ain't saw you heah at de meetin house for a considerable duration." Dat's so, replied brother Johnson; I'se been very busy." "Well, how come heah yon Brother Johnson?" "Well, you see, it'1 like dis Brother Jackson I'se repairing a chicken coop for some white gentlemens, and I'se got a sltuwallon putting a fence round a watermelon patch for another gentlemens, and I needs special guidance from temptation. For Infants md Children. The Kind You Have Always Bought ALCOHOL 3 FES CENT. Awgetable RqmfumGrAs-similaiiii- Bears the ibr FoGdandF tiogUffSiaBacteanlfiiMdstf Infants Children Signature of r PromotcsDislionjChtetfiJ-nessandfatjContainsneilfc- Opium .Morphine nor Mineral. Not Narcotic. JkpetroUJkSMZUmMM JSSmm MMhUb- In - BABY WA8TED TO SKELETON. Use In Torments with Terrible Sorca on Face and Body Tore at Flash Cured by Cutlcura. Apetftct Remedy fbrCnJsfip-tto. Sour StonacLDlanhua "My little son, when about a year and a half old began to have eorea come out on his face. They began to come on his arms, then on other parts of his body, and then one came on his chest, worse than the others. At the end of about a year and a half of suffering he grew so bad I had to tie his hands In cloths at night to keep him from scratching the sores and tearing the flesh. He got to be a mere skeleton and waa hardly able to walk. I sent to the drug store and got a cake of Cutlcura Soap and a box of Cutlcura Ointment, and at the end of about two months the sores were all well. He haa never had any sores of any kind since, and only for the Cutlcura Remedies my precious child would have died from these terrible sores. I used only one cake of Soap and about three boxes of Ointment Mrs. Egbert Sheldon, R. F. D. Na 1, Woodvllle, ConiL, April 22, 1905." Benefit of Modern Machinery. It is estimated by the department of agriculture that laat year's crop waa produced and gathered at n saving of $085,000,000 over what would have been the coat of raising an equal crop 60 years ago. This saving waa accomplished by the use of mode, a agricultural implements. Farm Machinery. lt washing-m- achine expe-iiull- The Idea of private property has never been fully accepted by the masses of the people, and never had their cordial approval as ;in Institution, says a writer in the London News. The most popular aonga and ballads of our nation in all ages. It may be noted, have been those which described sympathetically attacks on private property, from the Robin Hood cycle to the broadsheet! In which Turpin am) Sheppard were 2usd heroes. Even nowadays the literature that really touches the people, the literature that the educated classes seldom ao much as see exposed for sale, the literature that ia sold in the email "general shop in the back street, and costa fewer pennies than the novA we know costs shillings, still very largely deals with the romantic exploits of the rohber. He la never a villain; he ia noble and generous to a fault; but he is convinced of the Impropriety of persons having too much money. ...X tea: Tit-Bit- s. In a Pinch, Uae ALLENS n For Over Worms jConvuisiousJifVQ'ish ness and LOSSOF&EEP. FhcSaufc Sfcarart of Thirty Years NEW YORK- AtO months oldJH JjDiRsJJjCircts Exact Copy of Wrapper. THE SCIENTIFIC EXTERNAL AND MODERN T. VASELINE EXTRACT OF THE CAYENNE PEPPER PLANT A OU1CK. SURF. SAFE AND ALWAYS READY CURE FOR PAIN. VRICE 15c. IN COLLAF. iBLE TUBES-- AT ALL DRUGGISTS AND DEALERS. OR BY MAIL ON RECEIPT OF 15c. IN POSTAGE STAMPS. DON'T WAIT COMES-KE- EP TUBE TILL THE PAIN A HANDY. A substitute for and superior to mustard or any other plaster, and will not blister the most delicate skin. The and curative qualities of the article are wonderful. It will stop the toothache at once, and relieve Headache end Sciatica. We recommend it as the best and safest external counter-irritaknown, also as an external remedy for pains In the chest and stomach and all Rheumatic, Neuralgic and Gouty complaints, A trial will prove what we claim for It, and it will be found to be invaluable In the household and for chi Idren. Once used no family will be without it. Many people say It is the best of ail ybur preparations. Accept no preparation of vaseline unless the same carries our label, as otherwise It is not genuine. pain-allayi- nt SEND YOUR ADDRESS AND WE WILL MAIL OUR LINE PAMPHLET WHICH WILL INTEREST YOU. VASE- CHESEBROUGH MFC. CO. 17 STATE STREET, NEW YORK CITY 34 YEARS SELLING DIRECT or Oar TthlclM nd hanm b.e bM uld dlnrt tram tartary to for third or muirjr. Wc akin for rxanlutliM mod .1 and dell You wU. r vary. oul aolfclaf I aot tiadirarcr a to tjl, qullijr ud prim. Wc Arc Ike Larfesl Maaatadarcn ta Ike WirM aniline to thrranMmvrra-tufn-lr- . WmkSM ty1 of VhM,lfi air ( Hbtbm. Held SjSbSft. Elkfcari Currlne A Haracm Mts-C-a, Br forlr,frotaloc. Qkbart, Indiana. ph5a.S7S.00. GET RICH h IRRIGATIONS world- - Irriwuad traas la th stu.ee acre aatiMtii two Fur conKtipntion, biliouxnewi, liver turbance, mid diaeiM resulting from pure Hood, take Nature' remedy, Ten. It ia made wholly of herb. s They also relieve from Dyspcpria, Indigestion and Too Hearty Eating: A perfect remedy for Dizziness, Senses, Drowsiness, Bad Taste in the Month, Coated Tongue. Pain In the Side, TORPID LIVER. They regulate the Bowels. Ftuely Vegetable. SMALLP11L SMALL PDSL SHALL PRICE, Dla-tns- disimGar-liel- D0BUWS Positively eared by these Little Pills. 'l health-givin- g Plant WESTERN SEEDS gg?T D p C III TPC new T! illuMrmed catalogue Genuine Must Bear Thi press-galler- Our distinctions do not lie in the places which we occupy, but In the grace and dignity with which we fill them. Emerson. Fac-Sim- Signature HScabottl. Cupid sometimes grafts n peach on an old shrub. SaS: SEED CO. EURT0,Y',W REFUSE nuciiluVou ELECTROTYPES IiiTMt nriKT hr nil at da owet prtrwp Ll.hlMWUIIWtfKLoy.AtotR,tCM$i DEFIANCE : by STARCH TjHbfr KirrtMs only 13 oonrcn "DEFIANCK 18 SUPERIOR THE FASHIONABLE OttBCM U till pwklRfl FEATURE of the season's styles is the Japanese Effect in Waists, Blouses, Jackets, etc., etc. It's the newest thing, and a complete assortment is found only in the $30 California A Ret. Salt Lake Rouv Results of Ambitions. Most of us are made what w0 arc hy the iimbitluns that we have never realised. up-to-da- te Butterick Patterns 10 A iplendidly Cents and 15 Cents Each illustrated sheet of them graceful Japanese of two nt (2c) by Styles will be mailed on receipt THE BUTTERICK PUBLISHING COMPANY. BUTTERICK BUILDING LIMITED NEW YORK . The Delineator. d 108! OVERBIOUXI 993! guimpc is the greatest authority on fashions for te Ladies and Juveniles. 15 Cent per Copy Gold, ZiucorCopper.il. Cjranld U ,l111 iwidaliat rntonappl Ciimnil mt Umpirawork Villa. Colo. Ucivrauuai Carttunat KnUuoanS SUSSTITUTES. n wlndcoliu BARTELQES Ak roor dealer for them. Write lor out free. HOWARD E. Kpmtmrn iirlm. (iotd. 8iivar.Iind.tli vwr.ur; tiold.Mk-- ; Soothing Ryrap. lb anna, ntdacea t. Calling the Turn. I suppose," said the city girl who was passing a week In the country, "that you know all the different flowers." "I reckon uicbhy I do, replied the old farmer. What does a forget-me-no- t look like?" queried the girl. "Oh," replied the horny-handeson of toll, it's Jist a ordinary knot In a string th ole woman ties around my finger when I go t' teown an' she wants me t git sunthln' frr her. $30 California & Ret. Salt Luke Route. COUNTER-IRRITAN- CAPISICUM SICK HEADACHE1 To live but one day in good will to all men is to antilepate and hasten that day when all men shall live In good will. Bliss Perry. pfti-- WYV. FOOT-EAS- A powder. It cures painful, smarting, nervous feet and ingrowing nalla. It's the greatest comfort discovery of the age. Makes new shoes easy. A certain1 cure for sweating feet. Sold by ail Druggists, 25a Accept no substitute. Trial package, FREE. Address A. S. Olmsted. I.e Roy, N. Y. Sira. Window For rbliilrvn trrthlnr, (mill MHf. uni VMM TMI NO MORE MUSTARD PLASTERS TO BLISTER. boo-rab- grass-wido- A SOCIAL LEADER OF KANSAS CITY agent, pricking up his ears eagerly, "unless it is a matter Attributes Her Excellent Health to that you don't care to discuss, I wish i In n nice-lookin- g It English Writer Seca Significance Glorification of Robbara. 3& 3SEB Religion. It ! all very well," said the lecturer, to say that other religions art aa good aa ours. Take MohammedanHows This? ism, for instance, that cruel creed Wa Otar Ob Buadiad I)ulln Hcward for oy Take the Lords prayer of Mohan mm of Uatarrh tbal eunot bo cured by Hul l medanlsm, the prayer that la repeated Cciarrh Can. T. J. CltEXET CO., Toledo, a daily in every Mohammedan houliq Wa, tbs aoiawlsnad, bars kxmro V. J. Cbray for tha U raan. and beliefs him perfectly hold and mosque. This la It: lx 11 oualnaol tnuuactlou aod aniacllly any obllyatlua wade hy hi firm. 1 seek retoge with Allah from abie to cany actWalkixo. hixxax fi Ziini, Wbolaaala lrun!.u, Toledo, a Satan, the accursed. In the name of Hall' Catarrh Cara la takes Internally, actln the .Allah, Compassionate, the Mercisurface of tha llractly npa tha blood and mseuua ful. Oh, Lord of ail Creatures, Oh, yaiem. Taatlmoalala aeui free. 1'rlc is cant per bourn. Sold by ail lirtnmlst. Allah, destroy the infidels and polytheTaka Hall'a family Pill, for eoastlpatioa ists, thine enemies, the enemies of Horae Was Fastidious. the religion! Oh, Allah, make their A cockney cabby who had Just afchildren orphans and defile their abodes, households, and their women, fixed hit horse's nosebag, turned to motor and their children, and their posses- the driver of a broken-dowHer Probable Reason. close hy and shouted out: "Now, and their Tua and race, sions, their wealth, in Day before yesterday, right out and their lands, aa booty to the Mos- then, clear off with your oil box, coa front of the hotel, here," said the landlems. Oh, Lord of all Creatures! the smell of it spoils my ones lunlord of the tavern at Polkvllle, Ark., cheon. fel- met a "a $30 CALI FORN I A $30 ler that hod been going with her some, Round trip via Salt ' I,ake Route. and fired three ahota at him, one of which tore off considerable of his Sale begins April 2Gih. Write today. IL Burtner, Salt Lake City. south ear aa he waa rapidly going J. east 1 waa acttln on the porch at A New Reformation. the time, and saw It all, and" Are we In for a new reformation? "Great Scott! ejaculated the Vlnet, himself an evangelical theo- Allen. POPULAR APPROVAL OF THEFT. $1.00 per Year price ao4 QUALITY. |