Show THE EE El 0’ DAY— A LITE ft A R Y Ln 59 AGA Z I NE w— THE ODDITIES AND HUMBUGS OF LIFE BY QUIZ endured military rank solely and entirely to save their country and without the slightest reference to any honor or dignity to Be obtained thereby proves liowr alarmingly united mankind arc on this question Don’t they die all tlie time for “glory?” and don’t that alwavs mean their country’s and not their own ? Did any one ever die for a ' “TIIE PUBLIC WANT” (Continued) No one need be surprised that I found editors willing to sited th$ir last drop (of ink) in special aid of the want so “ long felt in this deM and which a special partment providence with an eye to the general glory imivese had undoubtedly raised them up to meet When all our public institutions are based on an intense appreciation of some “great public wants” Railways arc built canals are dug docks are laid out to meet a great public want at least that is all they arc ever built for according to the of-th- prospectuses The shareholders of The ‘dicourse “ want ” nothing rectors Vwaut” nothing The printer who gets up the prospectuses “wants” nothing “A public want” has swallowed up their souls and left them ready to die as directors on fifty dollars allay or to languish out their existence in the painful reception of two hundred per cent That the public may premiums have its railways its canals or its dock they are willing to receive any dividend however heavy or fill any sinecure however useless Tliesc facts are or ought to be a weighty rebuke to the arguers of the degeneracy of our species In further proof yet of the general tendency towards spontaneous benevolence on the part of the prime movers in big things generally in the world we cannot pass along without including in the list members of Parliament or Congress Prime Ministers and Presidents AVas there ever one of tliesc public martyrs to legislative honors that would ever have taken upon liimself public distinction “naturally so distasteful to him” but for “a deep sense of the requirements of his country” Bee how reluctantly they all go' into office and sec how gladly they all leave it The hope of retiring from'pub- c life some day is the only thing !iat supports them in their suffer-lg- s The only reason Avliy they of not all go into retirement at once because they don’t wish to de- troy its chastity by taking their nworthy natures there too Soon If there be not enough feckless encvolcncc in the Various Parlia-leiit- s ‘Congresses and Diets to Live society we have the military forld to fall back upon Tlie mini- erof immortal men in every lamb 'ho from time immcinoria!- have ! i Colonelcy or a ! p The united histories of the world connot prove such a case These multiplied evidences then from the schoolmaster to the legis-- ’ lator of the disposition of tlie world generally to throw itself away and use itself up in the meeting of “public wants” lias gone far to convince Quiz that luckily lie has found liis way ‘on to one of the purest minded of worlds ever destined to practice on benevolent principles and to such ail extent is he impressed with its spirit that lie is convinced that nothing would ever have induced it to become a world at all but the necessity it felt mider of meeting some “great public want” long felt in its portion of the uni- never verse Utotes the Wvelt Stand by to Dodge— Dear Editors Peep 0’ Day —Several of your friends have assailed your unworthy servant Uftd most hum-hie contributor with imperative demands that on the peril of his' immortal boots he forthwith publish a three page article containing a list of all the names of tlie persons or “ institutions ” ho liasy or ever means to quiz during the term of their respective subscriptions Fifteen young ladies owning “hat and plumes” wont stir a peg till they know whose particular hat and plumes were referred to in “No 2” Six and twenty persons owning bull dogs or other canine angels intend to sue him before the next 'District Court for of character defamation Four proprietors of “ magnificent struc- times fast approaching completion” are aroused and sixteen masons know for a ccrtanty it Is they who laid at “ least two bricks yesterday” aiid in their wrath they intimate that somebody they know may ‘get “laid’ as well as the bricks if lie aiiit smart In all these troubles the only friends who' stand by hint are the “ two editors” who swear go where he be thus martyred in the public lie is certainly comforted cause the prospect of the dinner but by lie cannot bring up a family upon Wliaf he asks for is au inthat crease of salary alicf a loan of six policemen to protect him on his rounds if you slfo&’Id happen to have such a thing’ about you The only other' consolation to liis anguished fctlings that can be offered will be he thinks to al- low the following appeal to reach the public eye : He wishes to inform liis large circle of friends that’ he only quiz- zes the distinguished of society" if any body therefore gets quized it is because they are distinguished (See the goalc ?) Having thus as it appears to liim made things comfortable all round he will begin again-an- will lie dinner shall never want a seeing that he immortalized tludrs Your emit ibiitor feels it hard to‘ ! d on the ‘six policemen whom lie trusts will never leave liim — except at meal times when they can all go home— he will makehis usual investigations and report-tthe public as before All that lie wants is the privilege of showing' Noth- somebody or something up reasonbe could tl more links he ing able As he has a young and tender family" to support he trusts no’ kind hearted person will object be- ing quizzed if they" do he can only beg them in the language of tho venerable Dow to “ Stand byr to Dodge” A New Way STOCK-G- to Raise tlie following ct act passed : Be it enacted lv tlie Governor and Legislative Assembly of the Territory ot Utah that after the passage of this act all cattle found trespassing on any per- -' sons lot shall become' the property of tho person on whose ground they are found If this act gets passed many" of us that now liaVe nothing beyond gardens and corn stack? will soon have a nice1 comfortable' lot of cat- tie of our own ! I knoV cow that wilf soon become mine anyway1 and I liaCe my eye too on a beautiful young Calf that I fed nil last winter some--'body- ’s ! A Receipt a Sermon — Spend the first half of your time in asserting you have? nothing to for say" Jialf and then take &p tlie latter m saying' it - A vULGAti nnson who hfs got im nursely rich by the recent demolitions in Paris-waanxious to marry his only son to one of tin daughters of the Mar-- ’ de He asked the Marquis: piis “I wish you’d ht my son marry one of vour girls’ ’ “Certainly Which does lie want: tlie girl tint waits in the kitchen or the cirl tint waslk3 ” |