Show THE ODDITIES AND' HDitBUGS OF' LIFE 88 A '"V THE ODDITIES AND HUMBUGS OF LIFE —mi BY QUIZ The oddities and humbugs of human life constitute our theme — those petty and unobserved weak-- ’ nesses that exist in each of us known well enough to everybody but ourselves These we shall seek to point out — to portray that seeing we may avoid Only one thing at the start we must set down and most positively insist upon — if we never have our own way again as long as wo live — whatever wc paint whatever 'wc portray we never by any means refer to — the reader It was our practice when we were a little boy (we never was a big one) we took to being a man directly after that to stand inside the porch of house doors in the big city of London and watch the passHere we made our first ers-by acquaintanceship with the “ oddities of life” but they were of a peculiar kind that strange conglomerated crowd embracing every variety of the human species running after money and dear life in one of file worlds large cities oddities of costume carriage countenance and gesture — oddities slovenly smart dandified neat or showy knowing gawking con- templating quizzing manly dig- nified easy awkward and affected succeed in some of these we may y portraying Another feature of our experience however did not lay iri the mere oddities of life but in a department with a harder name— the humbugs of life their name is legion — humbugs imposed on society — humbugs imposed on one’s self! At these wc propose to let fly the satirist’s shaft There are doubtless individuals in this community as everywhere else good illustrations of each species of character we shall introduce We shall not aim at them hut at the class and if individuals belong to such class we cannot help it j we wish they didn’t CHAPTER I BENEVOLENT HUMBUGS “ TIIE PUBLIC WANT” One of the most prominent and soul comforting facts discovered by Quiz shortly after entering life was voalcd in the pleasing assurance pirted to him all round that no-i- v ever did anything specially ' their own glory or good hut all done whether in the way A private or public enterprise by anybody was most decidedly originated and carried on solely for the ' "welfare of the public at large This delightful fact was soon impressed upon my youthful understanding in a variety of ways I learned it from my first schoolmaster This generous man as he informed us his taking in a little circular-upohad House Academy” '“Barking felt moved thereto by “ an earnest desire for the welfare of the children of the neighborhood” and not ill the least by any reference to sundry shillings which the urchins were to pay him per week Hardly had I got over the infliction of so much uncalled for benevolence upon my youthful person before I found all my school books from the primer upwards had allobccu written for me on the same principle Every author as was most prominently manifested in his preface had observed that the last author of a similar work had failed to make the cat spelling of dog and sufficiently clear to- my youthful comprehension or he had noticed with sorrow of spirit that the picture of the cat alphabetically ac- letter 0 was company mg too much like a dog to do any good “ with a view therefore to remedy this defect and to meet the necessities of "the public” not his! necessities by any means he had sacrificed his time to get out a better book Could I fail to believe under these circumstances in the intense moral elevation of the world in which I had so recently arrived Especially in after years when 1 learned that the same reckless expenditure of benevolence had been going on long before I was born for the very clergyman who married my parents had “ taken up his cross” in accepting six thousand dollars per year most particularly with a' view that such young rascals as myself might in a legal and proper way become a resident of this particular section of the solar system But clergymen and schoolmasters were not the only individuals I discovered who were living perpetually on the altar of sacrifice Iso indeed! the whole neighborhood were affected with the same sacrificial spirit Store keepers sold at alarming sacrifices— selling “below prime cost ” was the natural bent of their disposition They A man cannot go couldn’t help it against his nature hence they' never made anything except it was accidentally or through subordinates against their strict orders The very keepers of common aid hou -t ? ! ses — sellers of Alton ale a speciea of drink popular with many iu England — modestly unfolded their unpretentious desires in the following interesting disclosure : “ Established to supply the public with pure Alton ale” Was it not good to go to all the trouble of establishing themselves that a thirsty public might have pure Alton ale 1 Why not let them get it how they could Simply because the overflowings of their generous natures ' drowned every other consideration Yet infatuated clergymen were at that very time insisting upon the fallen nature of man and its tendency to evil when here was alehouse nature to say the least wastcfully throwing itself away for no other purpose in the world than that ail ungrateful public — from whom of course they never expected the least return — might be sup1b plied with Alton ale in purity That wonderful it finding myself surrounded with so much philanthropy I determined' upon going into the same business myself' If these tilings had not been sufficient to give my youthful mind that philanthropic bias for which all the Quizs have been so emi- nently distinguished and which pliilanthrophy is now expending itself in these very articles — solely for public good — I should have of necessity caught the disease when on going out into “ the wide wide world ’’—the very widest with which I am at any rate personally acquainted — afew v years after I found myself floundering in such a sea of general benevolence that if I am not full of the same commodity I certainly ought to be I very soon found that every newspaper or magazine published iu the world had been set on foot not for money— certainly not-- but as the pros-- ’ “ pectus said to meet a want long In fact felt in that department” it was this very principle that led to tho publishing of this magazine and this of course constibetween tutes the our paper and all the previous papers published in this place (to be continued) pub-dish- great-differenc- — - — — An Old Custom — It was the custom in the middle ages for the Sovereign to add greater sanction when sealing his mandates by imbedding three hairs from his beard in the wax and there is still a charter of 1121 extant which contains in jthe execution clause words record- ing that the King had confirmed it by placing three ’ hairs from hi beard in the ieil |