Show THE KEEPAPITCHININ POBSRTT to steal a pin A crime to cut a throat — But a darned sight bigger to stop From putting in his vote It is a sin a nigger Tight Bools BY JOSH BILLINGS tI would jist like tew kno who the man was who fust invented tite boots He must have been a narrow and kuss If he still lives i hope he haz repented ov hiz sin or iz enjoying great agony ov sum kind I hav bin in a great many tight spots in mi life but generally could manage to make them average but there iz no sich thing az making a pair of tite boots average Yukan’tgitan average on the pinch ov a tite boot enny more than yu kan on the bite ov a lobster Enny man who kan wear a pair ov tite boots and be humble and penitent and not indulge in profane literature will make a good husband He will do more than that—he will do to divide up into several fust klass husbands and be made to answer for a whole naberhood t Oh for the pen ov departed Wm ShakT speare to write an anathema against tite boots that would make anshunt Rome wake up and howl agin az she did once before on a previous ockashun Oh! for the strength of Herkules to tare into shu strings all the tite boots of creashun and skatter them to the 8 winds ot Heaven Oh for the buty of Venus tew make a bigg foot look handsome without a tite boot on it Oh! for the payshunce ov Job the Apostle to nuss a tite boot and bless it and even pray for one a size smaller and more pinchfulh Oh! for a pair pf boots big enough for the foot of a mountain I have been led into the above assort merit of OKs! from having in my at this moment a pairov number nine boots with a pair of number eleven feet in them ' Mi feet are as uneasy as a dog’s rioze the fust time he wears a muzzle' I think mi feet will eventually choke the boots to death I live in hopes they will I supposed i had lived long enuff not to be phooled again in this ut i hav found out that an ounce ov vanity weighs more than a pound of reason especially when a man mistakes a bigg foot for a “ small one Avoid tjte boots my friend as you would the grip ov the devil for menny a man haz caught for life a lust-rat- e habit for swearing bi encourageing hiz feet to hurt hiz boots I have premised mi two feet at least a dozen ov times during mi chekurd life that they never should be strangled again — but i find them y az' full ov pain az the stummukakd from a sudden attack ov tite boots kon-trakt- ! But this iz solemnly the last pair of tite boots i will ever wear i will hereafter wear boots az big as mi feet if i have to go barefoot to do it I am too old and too ' respectable to be a ' phool enny more v Eazy boots is one of the luxurys ov lifet but i forgit what the other luxury is i don’t kno az l care provided i kan git rid ov this pair ov tite boots Enny man ken have them for seven dollars just half what ’they post— and if they don’t make his feet ake wiis then an angle worm in hot ashes he needn’t pay for them Tite boots are an insult to enny man’s understanding He who wears tite boots will have to acknowledge the corn Tite boots have no bowels of mersey their inside are wrath and promiskious cusdng Beware ov tite boots SPLICED Another victim to the insatiate Moloch saciificed W P Nebeker was married at 12 m yesterday to Miss McKean of the 16th Ward It is expected that there will be a general turnout at the bachelor indignation meeting to be held in the big Tabernacle this evening of Hymen has just been TREMENDOUS CONFLAGRATION ' I - i A lamp hurst at Dwyer’s on Friday deluging the entire establishment ih one lurid flood of inextinguishable flame Mr Dwyer rushed up the street ciying“Sat?e it ! Save it ! Scvt the Keepapitchinin ” It seems there were two or three copies ot ithe last 1000 which had ’not 'Been disposed of The crowd hitherto impasTHE SI A Bill AGE OF OLE BULL sive at hearing these magic words rushed mi masse into the devouring element The author ' wlio recently passed and carried out entire the blazing contents through here eh route from California to of the shop: His loss is only $ 600000 Europe will please accept our thanks for Dwyer says our paper must be a salathe ensuing original lind which were mander as not one copy was burned He ft strung over the noose of Ole Bull’s splice: attributed his salvation to having the Go thou gentle Keepapitchin in on hand We learn that Ole Bull at last reader and do likewise A damsel fair has wed matrimonial crotchet took Possession of his head ' ' i ' She listened to his overtures With eager interest His cords evoked the tender ones That occupied her breast Can you tell me the name of the Territorial Marshal ? We can come as near telling it as any one who has not got a better memory than we have and we might add that man don’t live on the sublu nary surface of this terreaqueous globe It is as follows: J O H N D T M C A L h I S T E R ! way-i-b- 67 Hejd play such witching melodies Enough to make her cry And every seemed to sqeak “Come how is that for high?” Now Beauty with a single hair Will draw (Pope used to sing) So execution may be done Upon a single string Z— No we believe Bro G WDavis does His fiddle-bodid wonders but When cupid his bow drew not belong to the Danite band at present The shaft went home unto the mark " 0 And hit the Bull’s eye too As a train on the Wilmington and Dela“Wilt thou be mine? the fiddler cries ware road reached Warsaw N C the “I wiltest“ she did falter r other day a Texas chap on board asked The Bull then as a sacrifice one of the settlers at the station j “Whak Is led unto the altar dnd ot a country have you around here?’ 1 ' The Gods approvingly look down — “Oh I’ was the response “we 'have a all we lack is water Mars J upiter and Saturn mighty nice country and good society ” He was told that hell And smile upon this pair of spoons has the same advantages n Both of them top-no- te w - -- fiddle-patter- May harmony attend the pair All through life’s weary vale And the Norwegian fiddler prove To her — toujours fidele And when his silver cord be loosed May he his way then take Where rosin is superfluous And “E” strings never break C JR Dr Lucas the celebrated Irish poet having after a very shatp contest carried the election as representative in Parlia-nefor Dublin was met a few days after by a lady whose family was warm in the interest of the'' unsuccessful candidate “Well doctor M Said she “I find you have gained the election ” uIes madam” “No wonder sir all the blackguards voted for you” “No madam your two sons did not” nt F Thatcher ' |