Show cs THE KEEPAPITCHININ 42 r A THE KEEPAPITCHININ: PAPER A Ccvotcd to Cents Scents Sense and Nonsense Principal Editor Deputy Asst Editor Dep’y Asst’s Clerk UNO HOO UBET URLIFE B I Z Ness J which witlinone to molest or make them afraid (Hear Hear) But through thekanyons stealthily 1 The white man name in wrath Black bloody bugs were in his hands And death Was in his path ’ t ‘AT his approach the Ravage rabbit tore fiercely away through the lofry cane brake while the canibalous cricket with one wild wail of despair plunred madly into the seething waters of City Creek This the picture then What do we bewas Per Annum in Advance hold now? I A city of magnificent distances 100 Six Months 10 in the midst of which may be heard the Single Copies clamr of our steam press as it throws off CLUB RATES: its thousands upon thousands of copies $ 500 Five Copies to one address Ten Copies to One Address and one and the steady tramp of our army of carto the clubber 1000 riers as they go forth'’ to disseminate light J8£p“ For sale by all respectable Newsdealer intelligence' &c VI here is only one thought that mars the festive jocundity of this oc- everywhere oasiorf— it is the evident jealousy whoe sweltering: venom rankles and festers Jn ADVERTISE 31 ENTS 'the puny besoms of oiir weekly cofempo-rariesOwing to the limited space devoted to Adver(This was "followed Hby sixteen tising we shall be under the necessity of restrict cheers and a tiger and two clubs for ouf ' TE RMS s $1 50 ” ing Advertisements to TEN linesor less Terms each insertion FIFfcv cents glilbe 7“ ' “ paper) V i'- All Communications on Business in order to receive attention must be riddi esstd— UNO Hoo & Co Box D Salt Lake City THE SKELETON IN' THE MUSEUM Professor Barfoot drew us intothe Museum the other day to see It is said that every chouse has - AUGUST! 1870: skeleton MONDAY 4 its Skeleton blit not every house ’could S' contain a ' skeleton like this WThe first EDITORIAL thing that’ struck us was a fragment of bone which the Professor informed us ‘THE 24TH” was a portion of the curricular vertebra We told" him that was our idea exactly" He then' launched’ forth into a vivid des- cription of the various bones (we lound the skeleton consisted almost exclusively of bones put together in various ways) “ Friends and Fellow Citizens:— We remarking as follows: “You see the are quite unexpectedly called upon to ad- - d i d tie og of the dress you n e do not know whether we y can make our naturally powerful voice yideta tarsus and the dorsal bicuspids being heard to the limits of this vast concourse somewhat imperfect renders the occipital of people As we said we did not a ntici- - extradition indistinguishable while the (Wediere pro- - Q$ pate being called upon js as - y0u will readily perceive duced a neatly folded manuscript from our almost We here remarked that intact 'breast pocket and proceeded as follows:) lfc was Qulte evident that the os frontus “Twenty-threyears ago to day at six o’clock in the morning this whole Terri- - was all right but we were at a loss to tory was one vast : howling wilderness account for the absence of the os Tiindus (Applause) lhe red Indian scoured the LThe Pfesfor was evidently qmte unpre- plain where now our plain women scour the floors (laughter) while the sage pared for this display of osteologic lore brush and greasewood towering in majesty After enjoying the astonishment which over it lent a grateful shade to the blood-was plainly depicted in his countenance (V - fee'? - r ’ ’ e -- his thorny sides against the everlasting rocks of Ensign Peak while slimy reptiles drew their repulsive tails from out the ‘deep— fathomless mud of the adobe yard The Yesper hymn was wafted through the evening air froth the stalwart No Iron throats of the spotted snorted aloud its discordant notes on the palpitating air at five o’clock in the morning just as you were getting your morning nap but the modest mouse and timid bed bug went” forth hand in peacefully over this broad land bull-fro- g f°r - Th“d “im 1° proceed which some hesitation having evidently arrived at the conclusion that we knew a thing or He then two about osteology said “The maxillari of the C'tvernus articulating the andilorius exteras with the milo hyoidenn groove of the cisor sella turcica was deficient in the We said yes there was lumbar region plenty of lumber to be had ior$500 a hundred now He evidently misunder-th- e stood us as just at this juncture a conception arose in the “happy family” mis-han- d 'Vr' ii" MNmaitiiaaMMiiHMaHaiiaiMiiiuiiiMMHMiiaiiiMMHMmMniiiimiiiMiinHiHMHiiMiiaHmiimHNnHiupiHiHiHiiiiiiMiMHiNHliimiM cl ?' iT' - duKngj aj New Zealand pjokey strangled two cockatoos find a acSing dove f We j told t he 'Profess- r thf there was one point ®pon which he (had 'not touchedT’th'at if would Be i in possible to tell to which end the teeth belonged until the tail was discovered iWe also emark-e- d that it was a very singular circumstance connected with this skeleton that it had so e much while many humans are Warm-ini- ? entirely deficient in this up with our “You will find Professor in every instance where an animal has attained its full growth and is not extinct that you can lay it down as an invariable rule — whether the animal be found in Asia Af ricain theKorth Pole or in the islands of t he seathat the' head will inevitably be fohnd at the opposite end of the body from the tail It is a singular fact that none huge ertatures have ever been ab'eto make both ends meet this probably accounts for their early demise JusfrVat this juncture George Francis Traiiv who had been listening with rapt attention timidly approached us hat in hand and making a lowsalam asked us whom he had the honor of addressing? We” remarked: “We sir have the honor sir to edit the Keep pitchinin” Had ar thunderbolt fallen in their midst back-bon- subject-we-continu- ’ have been more turned upon our heel steppedviuto our carriage and were whiifedAtay to the Bank astonished- xTl - ARPENTERS " We have Kard that some of our young ladies objectrto be seen walking with car-- p We h aVgr i e ve d more than a e fit e rs little over this If there is one class of mechanics more than another who do ' t business on the square it § the carpenters are They Jt isj true plane dealing some of them jh'ipe things Jittle too 'I- close occasionally but you givethem 2 bits and a plane and they will work their way There is one smoothly through the world very singular thing about them they never make a window or a door without lining it and then they are very likely to ha ye Jits which affect their jointi principally Some of them if not watched will chisel a man out of his board though we don’t think they pocket nails as much as It is a sinthey used to some years ago gular fact that the more hurried you are the more they go limbering around As Jones says in build! ng they first put in the lights and then-t- he not properly idol worshippers they make something to a dore No matter how bald a man may become a carpenter can always replenish his lodes Nothing delights him so much as to get a' 'is "not' true that a beam in ’his eye carpenter should have a strongback and af No matter how feeble theg weak brain brain may appear dining the engagement it is always clear and strong when it comes1 But their forte ismathe-- 1 to the charge We know a gentleman who had i matics a house built costing several thousand) It - 1 ! I ' |