| Show 'tZ THE KEEPAPITOHININ 8 THE PERFECT IVcrdsby Music - - - Chorus — CURE uno noo If Satan should set up his YOUBET YUBLIFE Should be sung with a sort of jumping accompaniment) Our paper is the cure the cure It is the perfect cure: If movements now should trouhle you— It is the perfect cure Chorus — Or should good people lose their heads Their lives we can’t insure Unless they read the “Pitchinin” ’Twill work a perfect cure Chorus— The cure! It is the Just read It is the the cure! it is the cure Chorus — perfect cure the Keepapitchinin— perfect cure Or should you split yourself in two To make yourself more pure Just wrap our paper round yourself— ’Twill work a perfect cure If Cullom’s hill should prove an ill — A thing you can’t endure — Subscribe for Keepapitchinin — ’Twill work a perfect cure Chorus — The Chorus— Oh! drugs and things are very mild And very good I’m sure But when you split yourself in two You need the perfect cure cure &c men should come thing by no means sure For all the vices they may bring — ’Twill work a perfect cure If fbrty thousand A Chorus— If you should Chorus— tire of this “Yew Move” And sigh for something newer Just burn your revelations up And buy the perfect cure Should Congress ever fly the track And honest men get lewer We’ll quickly show them what they Jack And work a perfect cure CORRESPONDENCE “Mr Editor: t I Chorus — would have free speech free Sir ress free fights female suffrage niggar abies and all! I’m no conservative sir And if a man wants to marry his grandmother let him if Uncle Sam and the old lady are agreeable I would have no sordid bowing of the back of the poor man to the rich but say allow every poor man $20 dollars a day (if he can get And it) and found if you can find him e furthermore I would not let a team appear on the streets lest it might d hurt some man’s feelings T A new era hail dawned for Utah! We will have light instead of darkness! There are four new lamps on South Temple Yes Sir! and I would have a libstreet erty pole one hundred and fifty feet high on every corner and on some corners two and if a man happened to be small in stature he should have all the privileges of the tallest specimen of humanity that ever went unhung — provided his wife Sir when I introvert would let him one of my visual organs while the other soars aloft through the illimitable diapho-nou- s ephemerality I sigh to think that over 1800 years have passed away without your paper went up town and saw so many people with relaxed faces and I thought surely papers in their hands the U P R R had paid up its indebtedness but I found it was something better something that comes home to every man’s bosom the great'Gvent of the great year 1870 had transpired and your paperwas making happy thousands of the honest in heart I am pleased to see a man who has the manhood the temerity to come boldly forth and start a free paper in Utah— a paper untrammeled — wherein the thinking man — the man of meteoric mind — can have a chance to let the brilliant scintillation of his genius illuminate a dark degraded degenerate world I see in you sir a man who would not put over the moon simply bea cause its light shone on some other planet as well as ours No sir but 1 behold in you a man who would be as free as the eagle which soars aloft with terrific scream and unblenched eye visiting the topmost pinnacle of Ensign Peakl — who is not afraid to let his thoughts soar aloft Truthful James” through the empyrean infinitude nor bow the back to anything save mammon I feel to exclaim with the poet: Tiie Ladies— The other day we saw “Why may not Columbia’s soil ladies in Dwyer’s buying our paper some as isle Britain’s liaise men as great We are glad of it — it is really a ladies Excel what greasy Romo has done Or any other man beneath the sun” paper — we intended it more particularly for the ladies Echo answers You bet your life! Sir—When one-hors- high-soule- down-trodde- n half-bush- back And get you on a skewer ’Twill be because you’ve not come down And bought the perfect cure ANOTHER HIGH-HANDE- D OUT- - RAGE We stop the press to announce that the whole city has been thrown into a feverish state of excitement and boiling indignation by one of those fearful outrages which curdle the blood and cause peaceable and law abiding citizens to awake as from a hideous nightmare Is this the age of enlightenment we hear so much about when a peaceable citizen can be knocked down in the middle of the 19th century — in broad daylight — on the public thoroughfare and a copy of a free paper wrested forcibly from him on the very threshold of Dwyer’s News Depot? Where are the guardians of the public peace? This man had probably been born of poor but honest parents and had labored faithfully for years upon the Utah Central in order to acquire means sufficient to purchase for himself aDd his posterity after him a copy of our valuable paper and when this end is attained and the object of a life is within his grasp a ruthless hand wrests it from him before he has even got to the middle of the “New Move!” We demand of the city fathers that a strong police force be placed opposito Dwyer’s in order to prevent a recurrence of such outrages V Any one inserting our advertisement will be entitled to send us a copy of his paper gratis for one year 'j |
