Show THE KEEPAPITCHININ 7 ttiiwiinnnnmvH and although it had been the earnest desire of his heart from his youth up to follow this vocation yet influenced by the considerations aforesaid he was very reluctantly compelled to abandon the idea BY UNO HOO and turn his whole attention to agriculture Now in order to follow this business We have read a number of works on successfully reasoned Ticklepitcher “one entitled one Learngardening and agriculture must have a field of operations “Four Acres Enough” another ‘‘Five ing that Jones had a field of three acres Acres Too Much” etc Now we do not on the bench which he had never cultiwish to set ourself up as a model of per- vated but once and which then owing to fection as a farmer or gardener but we the fiict that there was no available water must confess that we are decidedly of the and its being a dry season had not been opinion that we shall be able in the esisu-in- quite so luxuriantly productive as might article to convince the most skeptical have been expected from the assiduity that of an acre will be found with which it was cultivated he visited amply sufficient provided it is properly him with the snug little sum of 500 dollars The young husbandman must in his pocket in order to effect an exmanaged avoid extremes but in case you must ac- change which might prove advantageous cept one extreme or the other “Five to both parties On inquiring of Jones Acres Too Much” would perhaps be pref- in regard to the land he found that he erable to the other extreme of not enough had been misinformed so far from Jones But when we show conclusively as we desiring to sell he was anxious to buy shall do gentle reader that of Ticklepitcher wouldn’t believe what he an acre is abundant y sufficient — where Jones had been offered for that choice is the being bearing the semblance of bit of land Perriwinkle stood ready to man that cannot secure it? Ticklepitcher pay him down one thousand dollars an secured more than this and he was a acre in gold “However” said Jones “as stranger in the land Now it may be you are a new comer and not much exnecessary to remark that Ticklepitcher perienced in these matters I don’t mind was a philosopher in his way He had letting you have one acre on the northread “Combe on the Head” “W(h)atts east side for $500 just to give you a start” on the Mind” “Locke on the Under Ticklepitcher no longer regretted his instanding” and during his journey over ability to swim he fek in very deed that the plains had become somewhat familiar his lines had fallen in pleasant places with “Bacon on the Stomach” Perhaps Gratitude was not wanting — an unbidden his sagacity was never more conspicuous tear trickled slowly down Ticklepitcher’ s than in his exchange on the plains He honest nose and Jones while pocketing had a fine wide track wagon which he ex- the money was obliged to turn aside to changed with Old Sowiett for an old nar- conceal his emotion row track on his representation that The extent of Ticklepitcher’s labors on Ticklepitcher s wagon was entirely too this End perhaps the world will never wide to get through the South Pass know Suflice it to say they were not so and remunerative as Ticklepitcher had fondly Ticklepitcher saw the alternative with that promptness characteristic of The first year the water anticipated decided instantly to ex- failed great minds The second year grasshoppers change The proved somewhat burdensome Immediately on arriving in the Terri third year he raised part of a crop The somewhat a tory selecting tranquil spot he determined to plant one- fourth distant from rhe haunts of men he seated fourth year of the land and summer fallow the himself in a convenient position and de- other of an acre Fortuliberately pandered oh the situation Re- nately for Ticklepitcher a Jot of the alizing as he did that self preservation is neighbor’s cattle broke into his field and the first law of nature and having read devoured his little all Ticklepitcher had our work-i9 volumes on the “Ramifisuffered and been strong but this was the cations the Human System” wherein last feather which broke the camel’s back we have demonstrated the absolute necescalled in a neighbor to Ticklepitcher sity for the consumption of food 'licklc-piteh- whom he had once rendered a service and being a man of deep penetration had him assess the damage done his field' became convinced that food most be As it was impossible to estimate precisely obtained Now he reasoned in this way what the cattle had actually eaten and he food may be obtained in two ways i e was naturally anxious not to over estione may pursue that employment which mate the matter Ticklepitcher modestly Washington the father of his country suggested the propriety of calljng it six considered “the most healthful mot use- months labor at $4 per day This amount ful most noble employment of man” proved adequate compensation for the agriculture or he may go fishing loss sustained Singular as it may apTicklepitcher had been brought up by pear not a season passes but his little all poor but honest parents who had his wel- is taken in this way - Still Ticklepitcher fare at heart — he had been advised by assures us that he bears no malice all he them not to venture into the water until asks is justice that is a fair and just valuhe could swim Adhering as he did with ation of his time He still experiences religious pertinacity to this advice he some difficulty in keeping up a lawful had utterly failed as yet to acquire even fence Why is it? the rudiments of this useful art Swimming he knew was an mdispensible acThe author of tho“ Black Crook” is complishment for a successful fisherman building a villa near Fort Chester NY HOW TICKLEPITCHER BECAME WEALTHY AN AFFECTING TALE g h three-fourt- AMENDMENT TO CULLOM’S BILL Jones sends us the following amendment to Cullom’s bill— “And be it furthermore whereas be it nacted notwithstanding howsever that them 40000 trupes whats goin tu Utah tu keep peeple from marying their which is horrible and hadn’t ought to be done ony in cases of extreme peril tu the nashun— cases where the gran-moth- popilation is going to Abrahams bosom faster than the law allows — without any reciprocity treaty be and the same trupes is hereby orthorized before tha start over the planes to clean out Washington New York Shekargo Hosting and Sensinatty eethr of wich has more law brakers than LTtah and the same trupes is by these presents orthorized too stop prostertution in all them places and to konfiskate all the property in them a fore said towns fur the benefit of the sitizens of the United Staits” We publish cheerfully the above amendment but we don’t think it is correct in For instance Jones don’t particulars seem to remember that there are a great many respectable people in those large cities of the East and it would interfere materially with the peace and prosperity of the nation to interfere there whereas in Utah there are only a few people and it would not concern many if they were exterminated besides it is not exactly a gramatical document however we will let that pass OFFICE HOURS Business From 130 pm to 135 done in this office at the drop of the hat Gentlemen will please keep their carriages as far from the main entrance as convenient We moist have free access to our office Our Hired Girl” says our first paper has thrown a flood of light upon the “New Move” Says she couldn’t see until we it opened up the subject thrnugh ‘ — now it is all as clear as mud‘ ADY ERTIEMENT8 G W DAVIS HAS GOT SHOT AGAIN— Cannons’ Cholera Cordial also Mustard Mustang Liniment and all the delicacies of the Season Cod-fis- h WANT TO LEiiltN A EE ABOUT Kragin Kullom and Ivolfax and to see all his komic 'kollectin of kards kail in James Dwyer HOME HUSEUM AND HEN AG ERIE IF YOU Go and see the bears climb from 9 a hi too pm YOU WANT YOUR iUMTW TAKEN f with a highforehead and smiling go to ' ' Savage & Ottinger r IF 4 |