Show THE 4 KEE PAPI T CH IN IN CHARGE OF THE LIGHT BRIGADE Half a block half a block Half a block crowded CRAMMING THE CONGRESSIONAL FOWL WITH “CULLOM’S PILL” Cullom — “Hold her steady Cragin and I’ll send it home” Its mighty easy to say hold her steady but it amt so easy done 1 don’t think she half likes it There must be something nasty in it! 1 dont believe you caiT get it through I tried one a heap smaller than that and it wouldn t go down you’ve got to push it if you get it through and I wish you’d hurry up for I’m getting powerful weak” ' Cullom — “I’m aware its bigger than yours and a great deal nastier but she 11s ' I know she can’t swallow it herself but 1 getting used to these kind of things hold the pill and you push her onto it Steady now!” Craqin — “0 ye It unfortunately happened that the POSTAL MATTERS d individual wore a high We forwarded a cabbage through the e straw hat of the dimensions of a post office — it has not reached its destination we think it must have been eaten and the crown thereof was dilapidated to as he had putin If this is the way things pass through the a serious extent Just pulWe his denial the head of a males we want wimming appointed think they would take more interest in let was seen to protrude from the aperture “See here” said the gentleman “how ‘letters and things than mere masculine We forwarded a let- did that chinken get in to your hat?” males do anyhow “Well” exclaimed the simple-mindeter to New York about a year ago as near as we can recollect it never got there individual with an air of honest surprise “that is the strangNow and embarrassment or if it did it never was answered est thing that ever happened to me I the man we wrote to was Ticklepjtcher he was owing us three dollars and six bits suppose the darned critter must have simple-minde- bee-hiv- All in au awful sweat Onward they blunder’d Earnest to vote all tried “Early aud often” cried Into the polls they dived Noble Three Hundred! Crushed hats to right of them Bruised ribs to left of them JSore corns in front of them Forward they thundered Though it was but a sell Boldly they charged and well What a sad tale to tell Right up salt river then Rowed the Three Hundred Oh! what a grand affair How the cries rent the air Slogan cries pealing there Bellowed and thunder’d How the crags echo yet! How ail their foes were met Met face to face you bet Ere up salt river they Rowed — the Three Hundred How they ransacked the town How they ran up and down Jew priest and gentile then Could not be sunder’d When can their glory fade? Oh! the wild charge they made Weep for the Light Brigade All that is left or them — Left of Three Hundred — half-grow- d and consequently would feel under obligaNow it is not the tions to reply at once interest on this amount that troubles us We have it is the' principal involved written to the post master in St Louis about it and he says he thinks he remembers a letter such as we describe (he thinks it had a 3 cent stamp on it) parsing through that office about a year ago We are glad to learn that our letter passed through that office as it exonerates the erim-ini- s postTinaster here from all particeps PRINCE ARTHUR Prince ‘Arthur we understand is on he will call at a visit to this country our office he will hear of something to if We have never seen his his advantage mother but have been favorably imWe think pressed with her likeness when impressed upon gold it often proves a sovereign remedy for many of the ills to which flesh is heir Drop in Arty my boy happy to see you at any time ' CRAWLED UP Not long since a gentleman found in soul of the his hennery a1 simple-minde- d vicinity who any visible means of support !What are you doing here Stealing my chickens?” “No sir I thought of duinT nothin’ of the sort” lived-withou- t ! crawled up my trowsers’ legs” ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS X Y Z— When is the best time to put in watermelons? We always put in all we can about August after they ripen Gabe wishes to know why the off ox We advise won’t work on the near side him tCchange them so that the near ox shall work on the off side and then report Josii writes from American Fork Says he has been courting a young lady about twelve months —wants to know whether it would be wisdom at this stage of the courtship to venture on kissing her DeThis is a freedom that cidedly not should not be attempted under eighteen months of close attention Even then it is dangerous we once heard of a young lady who broke her neck short off in her struggles to avoid being kissed )3J3everal letters stand over for answer in our next Owing to the fact that we go to press on Monday all questions must be sent in before they can be answered At a recent meeting of the new move there was unbounded gratification expressed on learning that the tithing bag was forever out of the reach of Messrs H & Gr Why is if? Are the disciples already beginning to lose confidence in their leaders? A YERY OBTUSE WITNESS Pat Fogerty went all the way from Manchester to London to thrash Mick Fitzpatrick winding up the performance with the assistance of an “awful horseshoe” He was detected and brought before a justice A part of the examination is annexed: — Court — “Well sir you came from Manchester did you?” Pat — “Your honor has answered correct” O — “You see the complainant’s head it was cut with a sharp instrument Do you know what cut it?” P- — Ain’t your honor after saying a sharp instrument did?” C — (becoming restive) — “I see you Now sir you cut mean to equivocate that head you came here to cut it did you not? Now sir what motive brought you to London?’ sir!” P— “The 0 — ( waxing warm ) — “Equivocating again you scoundrel (rais ng up the horse-sho- e and holding it before Pat) do sir!” you see this horse-shoP — “Is it a horse-shoyour honor?” C — “Don’t you see it is sir? Are you blind? Can you not tell at once that it is a horseshoe?” P — “Bedad no your honor” C — (angrily) — “Aro” P — “No your honor but can you yourself tell?” C — “Of course I can you stupid Irish’ e e e man” P — (soliloquizing aloud) — “Oh! glory see what education is your honor sure a poor ignorant creature like myself wouldn’t know a horseshoe from a mare’s” be to goodness |