Show Y wr 1 1 PARS PAR'S GHOST ft 7 k By Tom P P. P Morgan I noyer will consider it fair treatment treat treat- r ment to to ride a fellow tellow on a rail just beca because s he happens to be a When the said rail is a three- three cornered one adorned with sundry long pitiless splinters I feel teel that the Unfairness unfairness-of of at the proceedings Is still stillmore more pronounced There are times Umes when a plain common two-legged two human human human hu hu- man finds himself in a position to envy envy en envy en- en vy th the martyrs of ot old It is true that some Borne of ot them were we're fatally toasted or treat treated d to cobble stone baths but history history history his his- tory does not reveal that any of them were ridden on rails the bearers of ot which Jounced them up p and down to the tune of Rory OMbre I maintain that thal because a fellow Is Isso Isso isso so b built Ut that he acts smart occasionally occasional occasional- ly there is no excuse for attempting tb bisect him If but It-but but it is all over now fatally bifurcated I Ido Ido Ido and as I was not do u not not know as It Itis is worth while for tor forme me tot t to get mentally mentally- red-headed red over over the matter Still I feel teel pretty sore over it yet The reader is doubtless familiar with the i legend gend of ot the boys and the frogs After the former former- in tn their innocent glee had stoned the latter for tor an hour and a half halt an oratorical frog trog with a agreen agreen green green waistcoat and a dyed mustache mounted mounted a stump thre threw away his cigar ci cigar cl- cl 7 gar and announced th that t while frog frog- stoning might be fun tun for tor the boys he f saying that it was in w f on the fr frogs gs In In the exciting Q A ing whirl of events that followed the thelast 1 I last appearance of ot Pah's Oom-Pah's ghost waa w was s fig figuratively speaking the the frog trog The primeval cause of all the trouble trou- trou trouble trou trou- I ble was my smartness I am not to blame for having been born smart and andI r I dont don't think it ought to be held up y against me as it is ts s. s L. L This one of ot the most exciting times Z of m fre kle I mean an cl checkered checkered- career happened while I was was waft a correspondent correspondent corre- corre corre corre- t of the Daily Dally The paper was always in want of sensations sensa sensa- and was re ready rey y to pay pay liberally l to have the hair hall of its itS' readers raised r r Pah's Oom-Pah's grave and the memories memorI that hovered hovered about it suggested to toto toto to me an opportunity of elevating the tb hair hall of the readers and Causing ripples of shivers to chase cha e. e each ea h other up and down the corrugations corrugations corrugations of their spines The late Mr Oom a promInent prominent prominent prom prom- member of ot the Waw-Hoo Waw tribe of Indians had been jeen largely argel 1 Engaged in the b t h rh business and b by never neglecting nor appearing to feel above his chosen profession he always always always al al- al- al ways did a land office business in extracting extracting extracting ex ex- ex- ex scalps with neatness and dispatch dis dis patch Oom O Pah Oom-Pah Pah was a hard worker vork r and with the Scriptures believed that the laborer is worthy of his hair If Pah Oom-Pah had displayed a little less impartiality he might have e car car- c carried r- r Tied ried on business at the old stand for tor fora tora a good while f longer than he be did But Buthe Buthe he he finally got to operating too n near ar home and this led to his demise at atthe the the hands hands of a friend Mr Ta Dum from a distance up the creek Tl how vIt it happened happened happened- One day y after att having looked upon our friend the enemy when it was was red red- red Pah Oom-Pah Pah h I ul I I I Malt D 1 IIII U UI I II l u I I 1 r 7 EXECUTING HIGHLAND FLINGS FLINGS feeling verY rich and stepping re remarkably remarkably remarkably re- re high started out to to make good Indians of all comers comers After he ho had attended to his mother law law in-law lawand in and li several small families he ran up against Ta-Ra-Dum Ta who was no slouch at at t the b. b butcher business him him- self He fell ll upon Pah Oom-Pah r him low lows Any real bright reader dei desirous desirous de de- i sirous of making a joke that will be fa him months the liable Hable to get six on tr public rock pile can can say that though r f all his life Pah Oom-Pah had been Lo the gentleman from up the creek laid i him than he had ever been before be be- fore e- e They laid O Pah Oom-Pah Pah m-Pah to rest in a secluded ser se se- r r eluded com corner of what afterward became be- be became became be be- came Onion pion township tow s ip and there he remained till I came along with my little pen and raised his ghost and sent It prowling around through the columns col cal cc of the Daily I I. felt f f that I was safe in In using Pah's Oom-Pah's ah s st t t. t g ghost os as as a thriller i for I had no no intent t t f tion tron of playing ghost and getting my- my f self disliked n as s I h had d d done n w with th a pro 7 sensation when Petting Jetting go all allf Bolds on truth truth and veracity I had f s with the aid of the Razo per turned a 1 wild man loose in Onion township mistaken t and afterward getting myself Nv L. L for said wild mah man had been shamefully shameful shameful- ly Iy y maltreated So So having having- no fear I wrote a ghastly shivery shuddery account of the al ali alleged al- al r i appe appearance appearance rance ghost of Com a ri i f i 4 k Pah and proved it too over thu signatures sig natures tit of the lightning rod agents Th The p public re read read believed and d-and and believed belleve and the oldest inhabitant and biggest liar vowed rowed vow vow- yow row j ed he had seen the spook spooking about in the vicinity of the grave According According Ac Ac- cording to the r and the the oldest oldest oldest old old- est inhabitant this was was no common mien and everyday ghost of ot modest unassuming manners but a bold bad spirit wit with ever every appearance of ot being on his his' muscle His favorite amusement was an Immoderate Immoderate immoderate Im Im- moderate indulgence In war dances and the oldest inhabitant swore that he had repeatedly seen the late te Mr I 1 Pah Oom clad In hi a a fi flowing flawing robe of bl blanket the the fashionable costume of t a I highland high I spook on promenade executing land flings to the music of ot the popping of ot th the tail tall of his agitated dirty blank blanket t shroud I The Th t entire township of of Onion seem sem seemed ed taken taken with the shivers for a time Ume and many an honest honest citizen citizen who at any other time would have easily recognized rec a neighbors neighbor's neighbors neighbor's white cow even evenIn evenin In th the dim dlin starlight then 1 saw Oom- Oom Oom- Oom Pah's ghost 4 The excitement had in a great measure measure measure meas meas- ure abated when I accepted an invitation Invitation tion to visit my friend out In Onion township and with him put II IIa In Ina Ina a a day at fis fishing After Ater a long da day dar of thrilling adventure adventure ture in bearding the fiery untamed catfish In his colored coffee-colored retreat in Hellbender creek we returned home hom and shortly after supper I donned my snowy white night night gown gowns arid and retired t to l res re's rest My Iy subsequent wa was was was' such as would have caused comment anywhere Shortly before midnight I began to walk in In my my sl sleep ep Wr Wrapped pp d It in in slumber slumber slum slum- lumber ber and my long white night-gown night I slipped out of ot the window down the shed shed kitchen root roof and and down dawn to to fo th the ground Off across the moonlit pastures I glided toward Oom Pah's grave with my unseeing eyes fixed on nothing with a wild unearthly dying-cat dying ex- ex pi The The young g pe people of ot the he neighbor neighborhood o hood had gathered earlier in th the evenIng even even- Ing 9 at Squire Rippey's to enjoy a lawn party given in honor of somebody somebody's birthday or or something After Atter the usual Joys toys of at such occasions had been experienced they resolved to indulge in a mild adventure of visiting Oom- Oom Pah's grave They h had d almost reach reached ed it from one direction cUon when com coming ng from the he opposite side I passed the grave grave and emerged from the little mile clump of ot trees in the midst of t whIch the mound was located r The e young ladles lad ladles es with many pYS- pYS hysterical hysterical hys hys- giggles were just lust daring their I I mean mean g gallants to gallants to enter the little tittle grove when I I emerged with colors colors col col- colors col- col ors fling Fro i time of le leaving the the house till I was about to exit from the grove I h had d no not not the slightest knowledge knowledge knowledge knowl knowl- edge of ot my actions or surroundings but aft after r that I was was k keenly enly alive to to them Just before emerging from the trees I trod squarely on a tussock in which a widow hornet was keeping boarders When I stepped on them the boarders must have been sitting up late grindIng grinding grind grind- ing lag their stingers and they came out Immediately to see see me me abo about abort t- t the mat mat- ter A moment later I was broad awake and feeling as if I was being stabbed with red-hot red darning needles The hats of the members of the lawn party jumped two feet from their their- heads as the ghost of the late Mr Pah Oom-Pah with a soulful Rise Wll Riley liam yell bounded out of the they grove and came charging toward them with its arms revolving g rapidly in the theair theair theall air all and the taU tall of ot its ts shroud popping behind it When the hats came down their owners were several hundred yards away aYay and moving rapidly In Inthe in the direction of at Lower California But urged on by the Incentives to speed that they did not have 1 I gained o on them rapidly So absorbed was I with trying to get getaway getaway getaway away from the hornets that I paid not the slightest attention to the young people and before I was scarcely aware of their presence I had over taken and was was almost in the midst of ot them At that moment I stumbled over a stake that drove my superior toe almost out of sight back Into my foot and sent me whirling in in a rapid succession of somersaults somersaults One of the young men men plunged over me drove my face into the dirt and feeling that I was more substantial than ghostly seized me as asI asI asI I strove strove to rise His excited yells brought others to his aid and I was captured and rec rec rec- It was useless for me to attempt attempt attempt at at- tempt to explain The memory of my wild man escapade was waS' too green for them to believe bell eve anything I said They would listen to nothing they Ull-they had supplied me with means of riding home after my hard run The vehicle was a three-cornered three rail trimmed with splinters and abundant dant t V variety rl was given to the monotony monotony monotony ony ony of 1 the journey by jouncing it up and down like wedding bells Jt It was terrible terrible but but if you have ever ridden n non on a rail you know how it Is yourself and if you never have experienced it no words of tine mine can can adequately describe describe de de- de- de you y J I. I scribe scrib it to you Finally in tn r response to my pleadings th they r M lot t. t me down much to my delight but I felt that their kindness was as false I as B the Dead Sea apples appler when th they y told tola meto v me ay and a mo- mo oL o- o L i k i r t Ar J j t I I l 1 U II I went ent later enc encouraged d a a small but persistent bulldog to pursue me Between the hornets the rail rait and arid the dog I I- I But let fet et us draw the veil of at charity over the sad sad scene I lived through it tt all somehow somehow-a a pad pad- sad sadder der wiser madder more more more- disgruntled d dand and sorer man of ot letters than any change of administration administration ever pro educed I 1 I |