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Show I THE KAISER'S TALK TO HELL The kaiser called the devil up On the telephone one day. The girl at central listened to All they had to say. "Hello," she heard the kaiser's voice "Is old man satan home? Just tell him this is Kaiser Bill The devil said, "Hello," to Bill And Bill said, Plow are you.' I'm running here a hell on earth, So tell me what to do." "What can I do?" the devil said, "My dear old Kaiser Bill? If there's a thing that I can do To help you, I sure will." The kaiser said, "now, listen, And I will try to tell The way that I am running On earth a modern hell. "I've saved for this for many years, And I've started out to kill. That it will be a modern job You leave to Kaiser Bill. "My armies went thru Belgium, Shooting women and children down, We tore up all her counties, And blew up all her towns. "My zepps dropped bombs on cities. Killing both old and young, And those the zeppelins diden't get Were taken out and hung. "I started out for Paris With the aid of poisonous gas. The Belgiums, darn'em slopped us, And would not let us pass. "My submarines are devils. Why, you should see them fight! They go sneaking thru the sea, And sink a ship on sight. "I was running tilings to suit me. Till a year or so ago, When a man named Woodrow Wilson Wrote me to go more slow. "He said to me, '.'Dear William, We don't want to make you sore So be sure to tell your U-boats To sink our ships no more. "We have told you for the last time, So, Dear Bill, it's up to you, And if you uo not stop it. You have got to fight us too." "I did not listen to him And he's comming after me. With a million Yankee soldiers, From their homes across the sea. "Now, that's why I called you, satan, For I want advice from you, I knew that you would tell me Just what I ought to do." "My Dear old Kaiser William, There's not much for me to tell. For the Yanks will make it hotter Than I can for you in hell. "I've been a mean old devil. But not half so mean as you. And the minute that you get here I will give my job to you. "I'll be ready for your coming. And I'll keep the fires all bright And I'll have your room all ready When the Yanks begin to fight. ! "For the boys in blue will get you i I have nothing more to tell. j Hang lip the phone and get your hat. ; And meet me here in hell." , |