OCR Text |
Show BRUDDER SAGG NEEDED AID His Lady Wanted Her Rights and Her Methods of Getting Caused Him Great Distress. "I wants to ax yo' advice, Rrudder Ramshack," began an obfusticated-looklng obfusticated-looklng colored citizen. "Wants yo' to tell me, in yo' humble opinion, bow to git out'n de melee I's in. I's so mixed In my mind dat aw, dess lemme 'spatiate: Muh wide broad, hefty lady, as yo' knows wants her rights, an' " "Dey all does, sab!" Interrupted old Brother Ramshack, who was no little of a philosopher. "Lady folks Is all dat-uh-way; wants delr rights." "But dlsn't gits 'em! Rotches out and snatches 'em away fum me dat's her method of puhsoot. Wants her rights an' gits 'em! I done woke up In de middle o' de night an' found her goln' th'oo man pants pockets slxty-fl' slxty-fl' cents, good money, la dem pants, oo, Bah!" ' "Why didn't yo hop up an' lam her, Brudder Slagg?" "Lmm who? Yo' Isn't talkln' to me. sah! Dat lady weighs nigh three hund'ed pounds! Nussah, de meanest I done was to set up in muh verticle couch an' ax her, 'Uh-looky yuh, lady! Don't yo' think yo' actin' sawtuh similar? simi-lar? What klnd-uh way am dat for a 'spectable mar'd 'ooman to be puh-seedln'r puh-seedln'r An' she told me to shet muh mouf, uh-kase she was dess 'joyln' her rights, like de white ladies does. Well, sah, dat made me ashy; did for afact 't wuz de last feather dat broke de Campbellite's back! An' I hollored, a.s I Jumped for de' do', fetch-taked If I would sleep in de same edifice wid no slch-uh pusson; I'd sooner sleep in de stable, I says. An' out de do' I went, an" slammed it hahd!" "Ah-hah! Dat was de way to do!" "Was it? I 'skivered dat it was stawmln' outside rain an' thunder an' llghtnln' plenty! An' as de lady didn't call me back I hatter make muh bluff good. So I hoosted old Zlmrl, de hoss, out'n de stable, an' sot about dolu' de best I could for muhse'f. An' den muh wife looked out an' seed de hoss hoomped up dar In de stawm, an' yelled at me what did I mean, o'nery scoun'rel dat I wbb. by treatlu' po' old Zlmrl dat-uh way? 'Lady,' I hollered back wld dignity, 'it's eeder me of Zlmrl. Once and for de last tim choose uh-twixt yo' husband an' dat hoss!' And she dess th'owed de do' wide open and yelled, 'Uh-come on In yuh, Zimrl!' An' I axes yo' sah, as a man o' de world an' a brudder in de lodge, what am I to do 'bout It? Whlch-uh-way am I to turn In de 'mergency?" "Go ahead an" git a divorce fum de lady; dat's what yo' gotter do. An' bless goodness! yo' got plenty o' avocation avo-cation for it, too, Brudder Sagg." "Yassah, I s'plclon I has; but, to tell de troof, Brudder Ramshack, I kaln't scarcely bring muhse'f to do It, Yo' see I's had her so long dat she seems like one o' de fambly!" Puck. |