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Show SGFT-WMGED PEACE ONCE MORE BROODED OVER CLABBER HOUSEHOLD. Head of the Family Arises and Declares De-clares Himself Moral Contained ' in This Story Not Hard to Perceive. Mr. Clabber had stood all the rest with as much equanimity as he could muster. But when Mrs. Clabber began be-gan to sniff and sniff and sniff just because be-cause he was smoking his old brier pipe then indeed Mr. Clabber stood up for bis rights as a sovereign man. "Mrs. Clabber," said he, arising and speaking with much dignity, "ever since I came home this evening from a hard day's work in the marts of trade you have sought every reasonable reason-able and unreasonable opportunity to aggravate, irritate and otherwise annoy an-noy me. You have frowned and scowled and your conversation has been confined to monosyllables. You have burned the steak and you have undercooked the potatoes. Knowing that I like my rice pudding soft, you have let it cook hard. You have mislaid mis-laid my slippers and have lost the evening paper. Knowing that I like to play with the canary, you have put him to bed "Nor, madam. Is this all. You have grumbled and you have growled. I repeat it, madam; you have growled. You left your sewing in my easy chair. You opened a window so that the draft nearly blew my head off. You are wearing that old Persian wrapper, which you know I dislike, and you have referred to my family four times each time in disrespectful terms You have sniffed when I have gently remonstrated with you or worse yet you have either remained truculently silent or you have banged a door. Not only have you banged doors, but you have banged plates, knives forks, spoons, cups, saucers, windows and overdoors. And now, Mrs. Clabber, when I light my pipe you begin to sniff in such a manner that I can stand it no longer. What, madam what is the reason of all this? Oh! You are out of sorts, are you? "I see! Out of sorts! Permit me to suggest, Mrs. Clabber, the strong advisability ad-visability of laying in an early supply of 'sorts ' Your present paucity of 'sorts' is wearying and distressing to a degree. It threatens the happiness the life happiness, Mrs. Clabber of two human beings. I do not know where sorts are to be had, but let me suggest that you apply there, wherever it is, as soon as possible for a generous gen-erous stock. Sorts are evidently necessary nec-essary to your wellbeing and happiness happi-ness and I think it would be advisable for you to lay in enough sorts to last you over an emergency. You, being out of sorts, have used all mine and I find out that I am out of sorts myself. my-self. That is why I am putting on my hat, Mrs. Clabber. That is why I am putting on my coat and taking my pipe with me. I am going out to see if I can accumulate a few choice sort3 and bring them back w:ith me. Perhaps Per-haps when I return you will have found a few available sorts and What? You think you have scraped a few together now? "Well, well! This is encouraging news, Mrs. Clabber. I see, too, that you have recovered that pleasing smile which was ever your dearest charm. And so, madam, I will take off my hat. You may hang it on the rack. And here is my coat. I think that now you can even find my slippers. slip-pers. And my tobacco jar. Bless her heart! And now I know she is going to sit on the arm of my old armchair and light my old brier pipe. Ah, yes! It is very evident that we have all sorts of the very finest sorts back In stock again, Mrs. C. Out of sorts, indeed!" |