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Show jM Suitor of iM-mm Y KENNETT W&mmm Jt J1AEEIS Mil l&mlL ?ff If - MELISSA WOULD SIDESTEP THE CAP AND BELLS. Mrs. .Merriwid, sitting before her mirror, dipped her dainty finger into l pot of Creme Diane, and smearing Ihe thuriierous compound on the low-er low-er part of her face, began to rub it hi with considerable vigor. Her maternal ma-ternal maiden Aunt Jane, finding her thus employed, expressed some sur-j sur-j prise, the hour of the operation being untimely. "Too much of it only makes 'em deeper. Melissa, my dear," she observed ob-served kindly. "Makes what deeper?", demanded her niece with some asperity. Aunt Jane coughed a deprecating little lit-tle cough. "Excuse me." she said. "I'm doing this because my face j aches," explained Mrs. Merriwid. "Do i you understand, auntie? It isn't because be-cause of any waste of cellular tissue attributable to senile decay and riotous riot-ous living, as you seem to sweetly insinuate; in-sinuate; it's because I've overstrained my cheek muscles smiling at Mr. Mot ley's merry jests. That's what a person gets for being polite. -I feel as if I'd just emerged from a protracted gum chewing contest and had lost out on a technicality. Kindly hand me a towel. That man is a pest." "I thought you liked him." said Aunt Jane. "You said lie was such good compauy, if I relm-mber rightly. "Not stock company, however." said Mrs. Merriwid. "For a one night stand he's all right, but he's no attraction attrac-tion for a long run. He palls, dearie, and I'm no pallbearer if 1 am still in mourning. I can take a joke as well as any woman, buc I lack the capacity of the comic section editor's waste-basket." waste-basket." "You're the most changeable woman wom-an I ever saw," remarked Aunt Jane. "I like a little variety I admit, but continuous vaudeville Is something else again," said Mrs. Merriwid. "You tug the potatoes and that the dress maker had sent back my skirt with puckers all down the seams, Henry wouldn't have leaned back in his chair and whooped with merriment. That's what Mr. Motley would do. He'd instantly in-stantly see the funny side of it, and the next thing you know I'd be trying to make a good impression on a sympathetic sym-pathetic jury. There's one thing: If I made a plea of justification on the aforementioned grounds, it would tickle their sense of humor to such an extent that they'd aquit me without leaving their box." "How .can you talk so, Melissa?" said Aunt Jane, reproachfully. "Dearie." replied Mrs. Merriwid, "men like Mr. Motley ought to be exterminated. ex-terminated. Life isn't anything more than a joke to them at the other fellow's expense. It's a scream when a fellow being slips on something and -fractures his spine; and when somebody's some-body's new five-dollar hat blows off and rolls in the mud, he howls with j joy. Language is something for him j to play on, the Jew is a 'kike,' the I Irishman is a 'harp,' the Italian a j 'dago' and the negro a 'smoke,' and their mission in life is to furnish funny fun-ny stories about themselves for him to tell. That's proud man's sense ol humor and I wish somebody could tell me where the sense comes in. A woman can't see anything particularly mirth-provoking when people are butted by goats or kicked by mules; it takes the fine perception of the masculine mas-culine mind to properly appreciate the ludicrous element in the casualty ward." "It was only yesterday morning that you laughed when I burned my my front with the curling iron," Aunt Jane accused. Mrs. Merriwid giggled at the recol lection. "I know I did, dearie," she admitted, "but it wasn't so much the calamity as the way you looked, and besides, I didn't bray. There's a dif He'd Instantly See the Funny Side of It. see how it's beginning to affect me, doni you? After a session with that Motley individual I feel as if I wore large checked, high-water inexpressibles inexpress-ibles and red whiskers and had to talk up to them. Believe me, sweet Aunt, it's demoralizing. I pity his wife if he ever gets one." "I don't 6ee any reason why he shouldn't," said Aunt Jane. "I do," replied Mrs. Merriwid. "He couldn't pay a lady any serious attention. atten-tion. As between a funny man and a at man, dearie, the fat man stands the best chance of being loved. Mr. Motley would say he couldn't stand a Blim chance, but, thank heaven! I'm not Mr. Motley or Mrs. Motley. You know, pet, we like to be taken seriously. seri-ously. Perhaps because we haven't any sense of humor. I'll tell you about that. Precious: If what Mr. Motley and others of his noble sex are afflicted with is a sense of humor, let us offer thanks that in all our close association with them we havn't caught it. I'll say for poor dear Henry Hen-ry Merriwid that he hadn't any to speak of. If I told Henry all at once that the girl we had engaged the day before had departed at three p. m. tvith my' souvenir coffee spoons and that the w-ater front In the kitchen range had burst and that the moths had got into my furs and ruined them ind that I'd been omitted from the in-ritations in-ritations to Mrs. Swellup's reception and spattered hot fat on my arm fry- ference between a musical cachin natory tinkle and a haw-haw. 1 haven't got a red face and bulging buttermilk eyes, I hope. I don't wear fancy waistcoats and patent leather shoes with scalloped tan cloth tops. 1 don't shave my neck or drench my handkerchiefs with cologne or brush a six-inch strand of moist hair across a bald spot." "I don't see what that has to dc with it," Baid Aunt Jane. "Then you must be suffering with astigmatism, myopia and strabismus," replied Mrs. Merriwid. "I don't take anything back about the disadvantages of a chronic cut-up from social and matrimonial points of view, but a man can be perfectly killing, the life of the party and even a sad wag il he's the kind that can get away with it." "Then I infer that your objection to Mr. Motley is based ratherv upon his personal appearance and manner than his characteristic propensity to jest," with it," said Aunt Jane. "You may not have a keen sense of humor, auntie dear," said Mrs. Merriwid, Merri-wid, "but you're a great little inferrer at that. A lady's suitor may be something some-thing of a joker, but he mustn't be joke." "You mean too Jocular, don't you, Melissa?" asked Aunt Jane. "I mean Oh, what's the use!" said Mrs. Merriwid. (Copyright, 1913, by W. G. Chapman 1 |