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Show The early bird doesn't get the worm merely by being early. Every little presidential candidate has a keynote of his own. In case of a coal strike will the coal bin give space for a mushroom bed? The cellar of a Pennsylvania farmer baa dropped into a coal mine. Lucky man. Our own weather Is bad enough, but In China they are having a reign of terror. Being shot at occasionally is not one of the legitimate annoyances of a king's Job. A California woman with a "model husband" has been granted a divorce. She deserves it. Another blow to woman suffrage. An Illinois genius has Invented an unbreakable window. Butter can be made directly from grass, says a scientist. Possibly a misprint, for "grease." The Countess of Warwick says that a woman is at her best at fifty. Guess how old the countess Is. A Missouri girl wants 2,000 for 6even kisses. One would almost Imagine Im-agine from that that kisses are scarce. The New Jersey assembly has passed a bill imposing a $1 tax on female cats. Is there a mouse trap trust? This is not such an extravagant nation na-tion after all. A New Yorker was killed kill-ed crossing the subway tracks to save a nickel. Sarah Bernhardt will get $7,000 a week for playing in vaudeville almost al-most enough to buy fresh eggs every morning. Proprietors of Ithaca soda fountains will not hall with Joy the news that Cornell students have adopted the no-treat no-treat rule. A Judge in New York rules that mother love la not necessary to a child. In some cases we are in favor of the recall. It Is said that 200 former criminals are driving taxlcabs In New York, in reading the above sentence the "former" "for-mer" is silent A preacher says that the saddest hour of the day comes after sunset. That's when most of the vaudeville stunts are pulled off. A Parisian philosopher says that violent vio-lent movements produce violent thoughts. He must have found a slippery slip-pery sidewalk somewhere. Ten aviators have been killed so far this year, compared with four in the same time last year. Does this Indicate Indi-cate how aviation progresses? A man in Yonkers tried to kick a dog and fell with his legs paralyzed. Even nature has Joined in the general objection to kicking dogs around. Two New York motormen ran over the same unfortunate pedestrian. Those two men are wasting their talents tal-ents by not getting into Wall street K Andy Carnegie arlBes to remark that the farmer Is the only happy man In this country. And yet we seldom hear of a steel magnate dying of grief. .... I '' A Cleveland preacher says the American Amer-ican home Is rapidly disappearing. He must be missing the old-fashioned dinners din-ners he used to be invited to. Laced boots with spats have been authorized by the kaiser with the undress un-dress uniform of German soldiers. (Jerman army officers may have spats, but they are forbidden to have duels. The attorney general of Calllornla has decided that when a California woman becomes the wife of an alien Bhe loses her vote. Does a German girl who Is married to an Irishman become Irish? Because she had a revolver In her stocking a Los Angeles woman was arrested for carrying a concealed weapon. Her hobble skirt must have been longer than most of those that are seen hereabouts. Astronomers have discovered a new Btar In the heavens. Theatrical managers mana-gers discover them In any old place nearly every day, and when the natural nat-ural supply gives out they manufacture manufac-ture them. |