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Show THAT INVENTOR CLAIMS HAVE SPEED OF 400 MILES AN HOUR According to the plans of Prof. AC. Albertson, president of the Electro-Magneti-c Rail ay Construction company. New Yorkers are soon to see something in the way of dirty peed over the rails that will make the Empire State Express and Twentieth Century Flyer look like local freights. The mere matter of eighty miles an hour will be comparatively so slow that the passengers are Uke- lbert and Twenty-sixt- h street. He has a miniature railroad there, on which he chases a toy train of one car and the queer-lookinmotor every day, in order to perfect the mechanism. The inventor says he can burn up the rails with it, and is really afraid to let it ' reach its maximum. Prof Albertson says that he him self does not yet know the exact maximum of speed that his Invention g Z3 munity from a wreck. The vakeels are to run on the rails, and ttto, to make sure that they cannot jump the track, the magnets will run alon the No difference how under the rails. high is the rate of speed attained. Pror. Albertson says this mode of construction will effectually prevent the train from leaving the track. The principle of the invention is so simple that even a layman aiay NY; i A Gentle Hint. For two hours a fashionable lady kept the drapet exhibiting his goods and at the end of that period she Are you sure you sweetly asked have shown me evervthing you have?1 1 No madam said the draper have vet an old account in my ledger Ill Af j 1. Properly Designated. 1 lieacon Jones gladlv show you She acts as though tivdav were going to last for ' ver She has no thought as to what the future mav have In store for her. Mr Baths, at Whv should she uo'ible hoi si it about what is fin store ror In r It i . at the bargain count- sfie I find II fast It Hough Getting at the Fact. Mi-- s Klderletgh IvhiKs like a in, in w ho has -- ufTi t 11 t she has suf-- t poor ml ted a rt at d a! Is cause of her mia-- t H tn THING. POOR Your wife Is of such a happy What?" Why. lie's got some trouble with his throat or his tongue and can hardly speak " "That s not bo unusual " ' No hut he insists that he s cramp " "That s a.l right too He dictates his -- torn. He did rot need to show any more New Yorker Habits. Bargain-Counte- r It" don t understand w i lo akv be lef - Him bid In Her That she shoe on a No ly to ask the conductor whats detaining tbi m. By July 1 Prof. Albertson plans to have in operation the first magnetic train the world has even seen His company is about to begin the construction of a railway between Midland Beach and South Beach S I. The road will be one and eight tenths miles in length and the rolling stock will be one little motor of the. Albert- son patent and. at the most, three cars. There will be no necessity for more than a single train for, at the lightning speed that the inventor purposes sending it over the right of way, two trains would be cumbersome. Fifteen seconds will be the schedule time from terminal to terminal, If Prof Albertson realizes his hopes He slid yesterday that he had figured It all out and made his estimates of the speed with the little models he fias in his workshop at Eleventh avenue can attain, but Is convinced that It can haul a tralu along a straight track at more than four hundred miles an hour The railroad Midland between Beach and South Beach is to be a sort of a toy ilevated structure The rails will ri st on a steel framework eight feet alvove the ground The object of this is to give the train what the Inventor regards as absolute lm- - readily understand it," said the iv veutor '1 have given seven yeats of my life to its study and perfection The time is not far distant when thi t atlroads not only of thid country but of every one in the civilized world, w ill lie compelled to adopt the electro magnetic motor It will revolutionize speed and reduce the cost of operation Although a sjieed of 400 or more miles an hour sounds extravagant at the present, it is no more fabulous than the late of speed attained by fast trains appeared to the Invent ive world forty or fifty years ago. ' The short line Is to be constructed eh lefi v for the purpose of demon-- j stiaung that under the proper condl-- ' turns a phenomenal rate of speed may be obtained with perfect safety. We expect to have the best engineers in the world here to see the initial New York World. tests woman A drum number? t'elia- - Yon know I never can guess conundrums lien two are made one. Hairy Celia-O- li, Harry' This is so sudden' Town Topics y One View of It. Views very sorry Life. of "So you put up tin rent?" "Yes " "Wis the result satisfactory? "Well, If there Is more satisfaction In having a high prid'd flat vacant than In having a low priced one occupied, It was entirely .satisfactory" Merely an Inquiry. Ah, reek'n yo aint got no good-slz'small hams is yo?" asked Uncle said the dear girl, s Mose. How Whereupon he focused his camera , 1 TIMES. IN ANCIENT e, -- - ! di-li- I wind-frette- d Dusky Monarch, When In Liquor, Would Use Only English Tongue. William N. Armstrong, who was attorney general under King Kalakaua of Hawaii, has written an annt-in- ? volume about that monarch. He says in it: It is a singular trait of the Hawaiians to avoid the use of English when sober, but when drunk to use It with much volubility. The kings im-dlate predecessor on the throne, Lunahlo, when in liquor would often refuse to converse with his native relatives in the native language, but addressed them In English, and direct ed an Interpreter to translate his speech; acd, on the other hand, a translation Into English of their conversation In Hawaiian. Th kings remarkable memory turnlshed him with a considerable vocabulary of uncommon words; alrohol seemed to open that part of his brain where they were stored, especially when, like th moon, he was at the third quarter and coming to the full. On one occasion the use of the words hippodramatlc performance secured to h.m the prestige of a learned man. TO d THE i FINISHED 1 Matter of Size. S e here, Guzzler, I want you-- i ter remember one ting (iiizb r Wol s dat? Bail evp When vmi.i ask for a dii pon pass ov r de bottle, youse don t want ter take a "dray horse" Si!'7 Burke, p ' I c ! Knew the Brand. 'Wont cale, Mr yon lake a chance on this Nevvid asked the pretty girl who wa- - do tg the holdup act In a eimrt h fair booth rr plied Newed. firmly. Not uiv That a the cake tny wife con, ' structed Not So Far Wrong. d ff rinre bitwevn lake and an oo an ' Its a lake when land surroun the water. And an ocean? When laid doi sn't surround the water." Misquoted. Muggins I un b t md you Was a fool the ot H r dav ald i f 4 I "I - FifklnsNo, I m ver said von wa a c lid vou I nieri'!v fool the otner div had been a tool all the days of your life. Escaped Through a Technicality. Did your Mr R'chum re f r to tie BUbJect of love and marriage" askel her confidential friend cl rl "If be No, said the had referred to It I should not lave let him get awav. He onlv albibd to Ya-va- r it His Anxiety. Is there dar u r from fire b Oh, no, re 'eil the hot, We are well provided with fire )?(' -- k hag about Dat P r nat is ips 'ren 1 do t f! scrum a jr s d at every littb thing1 Hod Heard Them All. Agent Vaiam, could I sell you this book of fair, tab-- No. Ive been marMrs. Muchwed ried four tire.-- , and fairy tales ar a chestnut with me New Yorker. flODEL. J riww the N report true? become alarm THE FRAMEWORK t What's tie re to FROM Bound to Catch On. Inventor I should like to get you Interested In my Improved fly paper. Capitalist What makes yon think ft will be successful? Inventor Dec atise each sheet Is got up to Imitate a bald head. London Answers. DID HE KISS HER? - If r mi should K s you would you Of (on e, but Ive got bucb a cold t! at wry loud e- - 1 i -- -- Wary. I ady ry ae CLAY wuz only dav ter At lan ta t Biggs What is that? Diggs You never hear him getting off that old chestnut about the good dying young. dv . I!e- IN habitant. -- dont care a How are you f.xe! STATUE I Fought for Peace. Doctor- - Dul that mi ilirine I gave you agree vviih your uomacli 1atuuit yes fill il'y but It raised an awful row b tori it can, to teim-- ' -- I A uh t Usual Way. ,i,d Do si If Mil i! Ideas humorist, "have all gone up t' e Urn What are you going to do about It? asked the i ul e ditor Smoke em ou' t jl ed tin funnx party, ns he piece dev' to load hi trusty pipe. TRAIT OF KING LUNALILO. Ml Id make a good one bout ii.it I What They Overlooked. Diggs There la at h ast one thing to be said In favor of the oldest In- v k ut st it lit lull Being enough of a boodler to g caught and convicted View of a Torpedo Boat Destroyer. She Can Dash Over the Sea With the Speed of an Express Train. Her Engines are Usually 5,000 H. P., And Take Up Nearly the Whole Bulk of the Interior. prv sub nt tlm ludunno mk'n what Id i h.iigo by vole j, i so fi a high villli result" My A Looking Out for Himself. Mister William, w don t you run U on-n!- er setting down put in vnlks of eggs, well beaten and do awav the strain, and let vVonderful Concoctions Told of In the potage he standing, then arrange It in Centuries Old Book. dishes, and plant therein n old volume the "Noble Bnke of flowers ookry, ffor a Prv nee Houssoldo nr Hnus-oldwritThe Dreamers Dream. uiy other Estately er! about the year 1 4 t.T, conaitis With minv a trace of life w i J f retted m p ,any rare and curious rev ip s it, u- -t Here '. s mm face an aged man on a i3') years ago. not only for or 1; nary I dii'tv way whereon the lun-- g Ilfehes, but those to be eaten on fast Jut ,i fiipuks. i'. readis It in fish Ainu! curious, i.d diowte of day, a casual nap he days. takes ing this cookery book, to fin that 'here are the same birds, beasts and Only a poo- r'd man; yet whence, through the same courses, and some- Of . - ,igj,e ion and tan steal over hie you as In c d eves times the same names to The;, ili ,m- - iuft as a kiss, which to the a modern one; but although the names tue are often the game the ingredients A bevuty Impart and a bliss the youthtime of the heart and the preparation are very different. For Instance, their blanche mange By magic race and bleat the scar have was composed of lamprey, or other The beep annealed. wives are all at ret; an inner fish, and their custards contained peace revealed lends ,wt mrrowed trace of life That Is one fresh pork mil ced small Here deep mon bookTo mate the from A tender child'lke grace on thli old man recipe and cows boil asleep cream, and amy, take when It Is boiled set it aside and let it German Publications. cool; then take cow curds and press Of the 12,703 newspapers and periout the whey; then bruise them In a mortar, and cast them in the pot to odicals published in Germany, more Put than 27 per cent are in other lanthe cream and bo.l together thereto sugar, honey and may hutter, guages than German, 9 per cent beeolour it up with saffron, and in the ing in English alone. COOKERY for Disappointing. Is he much of a boodhi" Well, he falls mst a little short of the dv sired result the de in d "What do you . , ain't. we Nerve of Them. Newlyrlche Well, ot all th impudence! Mr. Newlyrlche What Is It. Hannah? Mrs. Newlyrlche Thom poor first cousins of yours have gone and got themselves the same identical ancestors that you ve got! A Hard Struggle. called upon Miss Sulibubs the other night and stayed until nqnrly midnight " I suppose you found It hard to tear yourself away? did it though However, Yes, but the bulldog kept mv foattuil- - w know you Mrs. 1 1 do Uncle?" queried the fresh grocery clerk. "Ah, didn't say yo' ain't, said the old man. Ah don axed Is yoT" tat proceeded to take another view. - Proposal. llete is the newest conunWhen Is two an odd and lucky tine." - Leap-Yea- r Harry- - "Im - t ottld wear a No. 3 foot that picture yonder that seems to attract so much attention? She That is the ' Portrait ot a Lady," by IVAuber He It looks to me that he might have chosen a better subject for a than a rook or washerpainting "but your views of life are such that I could never think of accepting them ai my own. "Oh, thats all right," replied the smile, young man with an open-facepractice makes perfect, you know, and I may be able to satisfy you In xrfr a'irW.Vf V. l! be-I.e- As the Word Is Used Now. He (at mt exhibition) And what is Housekeeper Why Is the milk so blue? Milkman Its de cow, mum. She's been feelirf blue an sad ever since th' calf died. "Put a destroyer Into a rough sea, says Sir William White '"and the limit of speed she can make U what she can bear what the people on her can bear. Traveling at a 30 knot speed Is going at the rate of a little over thirty-fou- r miles an hour. You can travel at that speed in a railway train with comfort in fact, it Is about the speed of the ordinary train But imagine a runaway hor-- e dragging your carriage over a rough country road at thnty four miles an hour and you get an idea of what it means to go it t v knots an hour in a torj c !o boat (lood for the dtgistioti luavbf but rough in the nerves, and if anything gives wav, disaster complete and over whelming The average ace of the commanders - in the I'nib f the battle-- ; Suto 57 is about years In selecting tuvy dimers to command torpedo boats It is endeavored to get men of about 30 vr undvr Tor polo boats are the bucking bronchos of 'he sea, and It takes i voung man to ride them success-'iilly- . And what Is her Kr I lave poor nmn, r but n e to -- one g've yon, c )hl tan- - - of the tne, Be- - His Recordinq Angel. blonde you Who was that spoke to? Thats my recording angel Come again?" Town Topics. My typewriter." Ik It don't think I could His Irrpobte Query. i, i u, (. nt the way to get on w.th a : ii, io give him plenty of nir ooht d infill "Wi n i Road Sense mum, but dont your sign say, ware of the dog?" Excl ange. K-- I v "Wfll Mr. Sirius Barker, Irritably, why dont some of them try it . Washington Star. Same Old Things. Did you set anvtluug new out West m the v.av of automobiles,?" asked the first chauffeur "No," replied the other: Ms same old chickens, pigs and things." |