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Show I V ' I . ALMOST A MIRACLE- M. lsted. of 43.763.-M- r8. No. Case 1207 Stracd street, Galveston, Tex who is proprietor of a boarding house MEANT TO BE FUNNY CHOICE SAMPLES OF THE HUMOR OF THE. DAY. A SURPRISED A dying patient the li ter position i, tYSICIAN. overs through mble German. .go, Nov. 15.' Chk DrJ "Dr. August Koenig's Hamburg Breast Tea," writes Mr. F. Batscli, of Cake Wat Horicon. Wis.. enabled me to get rid His New Way of of an obstinate cough; we feel very Not Popular, of this caedl The editor of a monthly magazine grateful to the discoverer . ' cine. A recently started a "cookery page. wofew days ago an athletic-lookinChinaman Enters Politics. man craved audience with him. She Chinaman Mon War, a well was seen to be carefully concealing nominated for been has Honolulu, pf something under her apron. "Are. you by the home the man?" she asked, who published the Hawaiian legislature a vigorous Is and making rule party He that new way of making cake? hia of district. canvass admitted that he was. "You said, 'Mix washing-sodwith the flour, and stir CBot B Cbredreach the in a little branand sweet oil to give by lord us they mnnot stam- dixea-eportion f of the car 1 (tens Is oulf one it consistency. ' "Ye yes, non mut that la by constis. to cure ilea mered the editor. "And you said, Add any tutional remedies, lieafnes is caused by in'll condition of tlie mucus luitu$ of the syrup and a gill of vinegar, and two lnd hlan lube. Wheu this lube is inflamed ounces of gum arable when the cake bustni have a rumollnit sound or hnprrfei t bear-ni- f. and alien It is entirely closed dafnesa la is half taked.J The gum arable, you tlie result, and yules the Intlsnimallon ran bn told us, was to give the cake a rich ap- taken out and this tube restored to lta normal lies n nit will be destroyed forever; pearance on top. "I believe you are condition, pine Caaeaout of lien are caused by catarrh. editor. Condition of said the nMoh ia nothing but an lutlauii-right, trembling ' surface.H tindrnd Dollars for Well, take that, then!" 'And the In the any rate We win give One a with cannot him floored woman that tenused of by catarrh) dlgnant Send lot by Hall a Catena Cur weapon that felt like a club, but which be cured free. eirculara, & of Toled0 the was chunk a him Instinct told CHFSEy Sold by Druggist. 5ju. cake. Hall a Family i'llia are the best j THE EDITOR IN TROUBLE, G , a very Cumbering among and physivldel.nown stumedical reputable a dozen her boarders S? reet, was call on C the living cian, cold "I during caught says: dents, Qne Explanation of the Origin of the ed to attend a very c f npllcated case good of September, 1900, and it setCollege Yell Her Golfing Costume of Rheumatism. Upon I Arriving at the tled in my Kidneys. Despite thfr fact mil about forty Only Wanted Just Reward for His house he found and that 1 tried all Kinds of medicines Hard Work. years of as?, dying 1N. prostrated was under the care of physician, the and serious condition, JJi his whole excruciating twinges and dutf aching frame dangerously afft'cjyed with the refused back across the small, of my His Disclaimer.-"No- , painful disease. He to leave, and trouble with the kidney said the American father, the patient, but the m From "thereds secretions began to set in. nothing In the rumor that my grow worse, and on I fails to then, ordinary daughter is engaged to the crown he was found to be !r describe the annoy an co and suffering prince of Furrinland." lng condition. The kn 1 endured. The fearful pain through Here he assumes a pose of conscious and larger Joints were appetite, loss of pride, and resumes: , my body, loss of t ed, and could not be sleep, consequent loss of t energy, But she could have a crown prince only with extreme dir and, finally, Indication' of complete If she wanted one. ,My fortune is now could be turnt dissolution compelled me, from sheer at such a figure that at the prevailing patient of three or fout aid the .agony and pain, to either lie on the market rates 1 could givs her 15 weight of the clothing floor and scream, or forced me Into dukes, 20 lords. 10 earls or five ordithat means had to be a spasms. On such occasions my hus- nary princes. Thus you may see that It from the patient's b band called in a physician, whose mor- the acquisition of a crown prince The doctor saw that phine 'treatment relieved me tempo- would not entail painful economy upon would be of no avai' rarily. I grew weaker and thinner And me." house, the members so run down physically that nothing EXISTED ONLY IN FANCY. following him to the was left but skin and bone. All my Set of Cheap Teeth. Both Were Good. Almost immediately and' dentist... reports ..having neighbors A Vienna acquaintances friends, were addressed Hawthorne's "House of the Seven success with articonsiderable made knew about my critical condition, and heart' He Gables a Myth. had German. of made teeth ficial paper treated by on one occasion I was reported dead of the family, and now A cousin of the lute Nathaniel Hawhi own Intention. of a .and they came to see my 'corpse. At process am try his remedy, thorne, who lives In Salem, says there last the doctors attending me held a a bottle forth never was a House of the Seven brought did consultation-anagreed that If I Oil. The poor wife applied this rem Gables in that town. He tells the not could I an not undergo operation ion eased the Brecon Journal that "Hawthorne came first The applies edy. live. v Preparations were made, a patient very much; after a few hours down to visit me snortly before his room selected at the city hospital, and they used It again, sad, wonder of death, and we rambled about the old they even went so far as to have the wonders, the pain vanished entirely! haunts of his early days. I was parcarriage brought to the door to carry Every subsequent application Improvticular to ask him to point out. If he me there. 1 dont know why, but ed the patient, and In two days he could, the famous House of the Seven abI something told me not to go, and was well and out. Wtyen the doctor Gables, because at that time the conNow I want the solutely refused. called a few days aft4r, he a as In- troversy existea in some degree. folreader to grasp every word of the deed surprised There never was any, was his lowing: A friend of oyrs, a Mr. He I think 6he wears a very short immediate reply to me. T never had Each to HI j Own. knowing that my kidneye golfing skirt. house In my mind when any with bachelor the particular said T tell you, were the real cause of the entire she? She shouldnt I She Well, why wrote the story. It was just a fancy the crusty way of thinking. "1 don t trouble, brought a box of Doans Kid- has a perfect right. of own.' of business iiy henpecked VfiJleve in this : ney Pills to the' house, and requested C He Her left looks all right, too. w me to husbands. 1 thlDk 4 married man Colds neglected thousand of give them a trial. 1 bad taken "Little "So do I," live acrlflced every year Dr Wood should exercise his will. vsq much medicine that I was more It Didn't Fight Explained an "so Norway Pine fciyrup cures little cold cure if iith alimony, the lady thatf. discouraged, and bad little, Did you know that your political agreedas he doesnt Interfere with the big cold too, down to tb very verge of Howlong , any,, faittHltf any preparation. antagonist had cast reflections on your married woman exercising her won't ' Consumption. ever, I reasoned if they did not do me truth and veracity?' Oil as Medicine. good they could not possibly make me PUTNAM FADELESS DYES do not Yes. In Levantine countries they say the ex worse, so I began the treatment After the or spot kettle, hands the stain to do about are What you going the third dose, I felt something dart it?" external use of oil pievents iheuma cept green and purple. , across me like a flash of lightning, tism, gout and other kindred maladies, to me forbids "Nothing. My pride Wheat Crops. and from that moment I began to imwhich are aggravated by external fight anyone except a gentleman. And book of the north- chills, and that the internal ubo of the The & agricultural prove. The pain lii my back and kida man who calls another a liar is no west territories shows that in four oil d of Ut world. removes the toxic condition of the IV L. Douqtae thoel are the etandar neys positively disappeared, the kidM were U L. inW. gentleman. of Pearl what has nats4 and free of became the production blood which leads to the generation ney secretions years Welt (M4 Swd Free) he la th lm lx aioalh of 104 tka ay thr ural. At present I rest and sleep well, creased from' 5,542,478 bushels to maladies. these frtrv1 A aWt Fair Philosopher. BKWlRUatllb paid to bushels, and of oats from my appetite is good, my weight has thl eteteueu. raa Sluprov Igthe think "And $10,000 that of you really caterpillars. Plague 118 to 155 pounds, bushels to 8,716332 bushels. Increased from DOUGLAS norant may be. successful in life? Southern Russia Is beset with caterand my flesh is firm and solid. My CANNOT BE EXCELLED. In have relieved a of insects the the of who man said abstruse gears Swarms (offering enjoys night pillars. friends actually marvel at the change Itching pile yield at one to the curative recently taken possession of the I Best Imported and American Itnthere. Wgt In mv appearance. .Words cannot exy discussion. Ointm of Doan Never f alia properties gardens-ananswered Miss Cay- walls, streets, Patent Calf fmnmel, 6" Ca't Calf Vlrl did. Corot) "Certainly," buildings, am I not own feelings. presj my man tho CBMv ft nhtHhiiwmghly terLjaivie "'2 eat 4 tv tr farm lands in the uCSOTuTiiotfl of tlB At iwo Inn I Tb rnuln hv W, U nOhdlXP XkMir raised from the dead. 1 am satlieves in himself has a great advantThe French Army. Kief, and all over the provinces much r ul mm and prtet stamped on boiumi Is frequently And fihoe$ bp mail, 25c, txtra, JUut, Lataiogfrtc age. isfied that had It not been for Doans The Gazette of the Fiench Ministry destruction Is being caused. Near Kief w. L. DOUGLAS, BROCKTON, MASS. on based sort of took the from Nov. shows that taken 1, 1902, Ot grossest when War an train Kidney Pills, the other day express they were, I would have been either lying In the to Oct 81, 1903, the French army will two hours to plough through the barLake View Cemetery, or an invalid for consist of all able bodied men born ricade of caterpillars that blocked the When Answering Advertisements Klndlg Mention This Paper. the balance of my life. I will be only Quite Consistent. between Jan. 1, 1857, and Dec. 31, 1881. line. Miss Mainchantz I suppose youve too pleased to give minuter particulars of my case to any one calling on heard of my engagement to Mr. me, not, of course, out of idle curioB-Ity- , Jenks? MiSs Ascott Yes, aqd I confess I but If they really have kidney complaint and want to know what was surprised. You told me once that course to pursuo to get relief." you wouldnt marry him for a million .'V'l A FREE TRIAL of this great kid dollars. I Miss medicine which Mrs. Mainchantz cured lsted know, dear, but ney will be mailed on application to any I discovered later that he had two part of the United 'States. Address Co., Buffalo, N. Y, For sale .by all druggists, price 50 cents Left Quietly. Mistress I hope you did not have per box. angry wordc with your last mistress on leaving your situation. Life out of doors and out of the games which they play andthe enjoyMonkeys Hard to Train. New Servant Lor bless you, no, ment which they receive and the effort which they make, come the To make a monkey Into an actor mum. I Just locked her in the bathis a difficult feat, because he Is too Ingreater part of that healthful development which is so essential to their It room, took all my things, and went happiness when grown. When a laxative is needed the remedy which is telligent to train into obedience. away as quietly as possible. Stray Is, Indeed, a dictum with some showgivei to them to cleanse and sweeten and strengthen the interi-.v- l organs on which it acts, should be such as men that the more intelligent an ani- Stories. physicians would sanction, because its mal Is the more difficult It is to train component parts are known to be wholesome and the remedy ttelf free from Girl Goes With Every Drawing. him to do tricks, says the Pittsburg every objectionable quality. The one remedy which physicians and parents, Book Clark is a lucky fellow. He approve and recommend and which' the little onea enjoy, Dispatch. This is illustrated In the VC because of its pleasant flavor, its gentle action and its beneficial effects, is case of the horse, which is a peculiarhas just won half a million dollars. Buzz What lottery gives such Svrnp of Figs and for the same reason it is Ihe only laxative which should ly stupid animal, and has always to be used by fathers and mothers. and yet prizes? be worked mechanically; Book The matrimonial lottery, horses are exceedingly easy to train. Syrup of Figs is the only remedy which acts gently, pleasantly and A donkey, on the other hand, which naturally without griping, irritating, or nauseating and which cleanses the Is really more intelligent than a horse, system effectually, without producing that constipated habit which results from the use of the e is not easy to teach, because he alcathartic and modern imitations, and again which the children should be so carefully guarded. If you would havrf ffiem to wants own bis wilL exercise ways grow to manhood and womanhood, strong, healthy and happy, do ntt gjve Wn. Window Soothing syron. them medicines, when medicines are not needed, and when nature needs FoV children teething, (often the gum, reduce tw assistance in the way of a laxative, give them only the simple, AuunnUon, allay pln, cure wind colic. 23ut bottle. pleasant and gentle Syrup of Figs. A Plague of Rats. Its quality is due not only to the excellence of- the combination of the S' W J3L Petersburg is fighting a rat laxative principles of plants with pleasant aromatic syrups and juices, but of tremendous proportions. For plague also to our original method of manufacture and as you value the health of three days following, early trains of the little ones, do not nccept any of the substitutes which unscrupulous dealthe suburban Newski steam street ers sometimes offer to increase their profits. The genuine article may be railway have been stopped by swarms oought anywhere of all reliable druggists at fifty cents ffer bottle. Please of rats, wandering to the river for to remember, the full name Of the Company drink. When a grain elevator was CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP CO- .- ia printed on opened the other day it was found the front of every packthat the rats had devoured 6,000 sacks In order to get its age. of corn. The police are distributing beneficial effects it is alhouserat poison to all responsible ways necessary to buy holders free of charge, and soldiers ths genuine only. armed with sticks watch the road to Grump Where m earth did those the river where the rats get their students get that college yell? morning tipple. Hump Why, once upsn a time they School Book Covers. upset a hornets nest. Even with ordinary care the covers ' A Good Excuse. of school bSoke. become grimy and worn In nd time, while the destructive He was wandering in Ireland and boy or the careless girl completes the came upon a couple of men "In holts operation with extra dispatch. Table' rolling on the road. The man on top oilcloth enamel cloth, as it is was pommeling the other within an sometimes called, makes an excellent Inch of his life. The traveler Intercovering, and possesses an advantage vened. over silesia or cloth In that It is "Its an- Infernal shame to strike a easily cleansed with a' 6potge or wet man when he's down," said he. cloth. A variety of covers and many "If you knew all the .trouble I had pretty effects are to be found Jnen get hfm down, was the reply, "yotf am el cloth. rouldnt be talking like that. at that address, Some weekt ago to-d- o t DfM a p)lt-U- tt -- n Anglo-Saxo- a ) s -- d I d, -- W. L. DOUGLAS $3 $322 SHOES B , yr 84SH0Et W.L. , t tr 'UW2 !: 1 self-estee- . 1 f Foster-Milbur- afc n THE CHILDREN ENJOY v d, 'V'ZJ old-tim- - sfl -- b r -- 4 - - . ,v s men. r |
