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Show lP tpmam Salina SunGunnison Valley News Wednesday. JuLY 7. 1999 Page 3 Just Left of Center Getting to the root of violent relationships by DianeO. Hendrickson, M.S. Rape Crisis Program Coordinator We are often asked why girls allow themselves to be abused. W'e are not asked nearly as often why batterers use violence. Of course, parentsand family members naturally search fora way to understand why a teen would still care about and stay with a person who is violent toward The five C's of stress management by Elaine Blackburn, Administrator, Richfield Rehabilitation and Care Center optimum amount of stress is An good and, in fact, is very necessary to motivate and to help one sustain acceptable levels of productivity. If there is not enough of an appropriate stressor, you never get started; and if there are too many stressors, you become flustered and So, obviously, if you practice good stress management, you can do more than control your stress, you can actually use it to your advantage. The follow ing are'Tt veCYyoucan use to turn your stress into a productive force: Clarity before you can masteryour stress, you must pinpoint exactly where it's coming from. Is it part of your job or your personal life? Is it coming from current affairs or from prev iousexperi-enc- e or events? This analysis can be difficult to do but you have to be honest with yoursclland identify the source of your stress. Choice be selective in who and whatyou allow toad asastressor. The key here is to avoid what is generally considered "negative" stress such as worrying, procrastination and fear. Instead, seek out "positive" stress such as creative risk, adventure and competition. Control remember that stress is not a disease. People create it by relinquishing control. Don't allow others to stress you out. Make decisions to control where stress comes from in your life and consciously choose how you will react to those stresses. Conditioning you need to train your body and your mind to handle stress. There are many things you can do to accomplish this such as a healthy diet, proper amounts of sleep, proper exercise and diversion and relaxation techniques. Confidence them. Most battering relationships are not solely violent, but have tender moments as well. What keeps any couple loving and needing one another is complicated in any relationship, and the dynamics of a battering relationship are especially complex. In this article, we will discuss some of the factors that contribute to a batterer's use of violence. Jealousy Many high school and college students say that jealousy is the major cause of dating violence. Although it is based on insecurity, teens often think jealousy is a sign of love you so love. The abuser says, much, I want you all to myself." The girl feels flattered by (his proof" of love and may ignore the way jealousy leads an abuser to begin restricting and controlling her behavior. What starts out as romance and special love can become a prison for the young woman. Jealous and angry explosions then occur when the girl sees her friends or does something she wants to do for herself. Then, because she is afraid, she tries to avoid the abuser's bad temper and violence. She may 1 gradually stop doing things or seeing people that are important to her. She becomes more isolated and dependent on the abuser as the only person in her life. Asserting Power In our society, teenagers can learn mistaken ideas about w hat is normal in a relationship front w hat they see in movies, on TV, and in advertising. They see many situations in w hich a strong person or more you feel, the ter vou will handle stress, bel- normal. Peer Pressure and Gender Roles Some young men believe it is their right to abuse women. They mistakenly believe that men should dominate and control women, and that women are passive, inferior and obligated to please men. Abuse During Childhood Young men who grew up being abused as children or who saw their mother being abused are at greaterrisk for abusing girl friends, wives andorchiidren. Studies show that men who are in prison for committing violent crimes were often abused aschildren. A young man may have learned from his abusive parent to blame others for his problems, and to use violence to maintain control of others. Situations in which he feels frustrated or powerless trigger overwhelming rage. He may have learned to release his tension by explodingand losing his temper, no matter who gets hurt. He may not have learned other w ay s to handle his problems and feelings. If he has grown up witnessing his mother being abused by hi , father, stepfather or her boy friend, a young man may accept the mistreatment of women as normal. Insecurity and Anger Boys who are violent with their girlfriends have trouble handling their insecurities and fears. Different psychological dy nam-ic- s underlie each individual's use of v iolence. w hich is usually caused by traumatic factors or disruptive child-Ihxk- J experiences. Three of the more common psychological factors are unmet dependency needs, fear of abandonment or loss, and the compulsive need to have order and control. Although many other people have . these fears and insecurities and do not become v iolent. batterers may be affected by these and other factors that influence them to use violence rather than other means of coping. Batterers do not know how to communicate or talk about their feelings. They don't empat h i e or u nderstand w hy the i r g i feels afraid and upset w hen they get angry and violent. Alcohol and Drugs Many teens who have experienced violence say that drinking alcohol and using drugs makes it w orse. Research has not proven that there isn't any direct causal relationship between substance abuse and violence. They have often been described as exacerbating one another, like pouring gasoline on a fire. Interestingly. most abusers save their v iolence for their girlfriend. They are able to decide. even whiledrinking.iorrovur pother people. Drinking isoften used as an excuse to be violent. Abusing alcohol and drugs is often a dangerous way of avoiding personal problems. Problems with substance abuse and problems with violence must each be dealt with separately. As complicated as this all is. in order for the batterer to stop using v iolence. he must realize that onlvhec an stop it. He is responsible for his iolence and for making the commitment to change his bchav ior. If you or someone you know is in an abusive andor v iolent dating relat encourage him or her to seek help. Call New Hvrizimsal846-4244t- r orcomeinloouroflices at 145 Eiast (X) North in Richfield. New Horizons also has a hotline w hich can be accessed alter hours by calling these same numbers. Some of this information courtesy of What Parents Need to Know About Dating Violence. b Barrie Levy and lon-shi- p. I 24-ho- Patricia Giggan.s. by Jim Olsen Space . . the Final Frontier. Captain James T. Kirk and Jean Luc . Picard w ing in space. Newspapcreditors search for space every week. Last week. had to make one ol those 1 tough About this time every yearthe Div of Wildlife Resources receives elk calves and deer and pronghorn antelope lawns, picked up by people who believe the animals have been abandoned. Those who find them often take them home and then, alter finding out how hard it is to feed and care for them, turn the newborns over to the DiviThe Division doesn't have the personnel or facilities to raise young animals. and in turn sends the babies to private wild life rehabiliiators. Tremendous costs are incurred for the care of orphaned" animals but the problems become even worse if the animals sur- vive. space" decisions. When the final deadl ne comes Monday at 2 nixn. I sit dow n and kxtk at the news list, and the advertising list. My job is to put the two together. Advertising pays for the news. So. I start there first. Once I gel the ads laid out. I look at i the news. Zoos and natural parks have plenty of North American elk. deer and pronghorn. and are usually unw filing to take on additional animals. Ifcaptive-raise- d animalsare turned loose, they become nuisances, pests and even dangerous having lost their natural fear of people. So w hat's the best thing y ou can do, should you find a elk calf, or deer or pronghorn fawn in the wild? If you find an unattended newborn, leave it alone and walkaway. It's probably being watched front some distance by its mother. If the baby is in go about thcirdaily the young animal chance of survival and fawns, almost camouflaged with well-adapte- d on its own. Calves and well odor-l'rc- c a spotted coat, are to surv ive w ilh only pe- riodic v isits from a parent. The Division also discourages people Irom picking up baby birds. About this tunc each vear. babv I guess I have decision lor the future. Do I stop try ing to be community sensitive'1 I can brace my self for the calls that say . "All there is in the (fill in the new spa per) is news I rum (fill in the other low n ) !"( )r do I keep try i ng to put Sal na i sin Snlina.Gunnison new sin Gunnison. and Sanpete news in either paper, even if that means holding a story lor a week to do it. I need your help. I new would like some input. I appreciate any and all opinions on the issue Please feel free to tell me how you feel. My 528-111- 528-761- 1 Y Satina Sun. Sometimes, it w orks. Sometimes it doesn't. With the introduction of the Sanpete News, the space con- it tinuum is stretched even tighter. got a call from a mother who had submitted a photo and story about an event that had happened. Her message Sunglasses are Ihe fashon accessory this summer. I Contact lenses let you change your sunglasses to match every outfit inexpensive). was something like "You always ask for news, and we bring it in and then you don't publish it. That is whv no" body supports the Salina Sun I held the photo and Ireely admit story Space, that final frontier, w as the Gunnison 1 . culprit. II vou closely examine the two pages dedicated to Sal na aaa ne w s. al the news was about things happening in the very near future. By near future. I mean events happening between one issue and the next. These have priority over stories that happened in the near past. I held two stories that I deterI i mined would still he timely for the next (this)issue. 1 routine. They know has a much better to both communities. I catagorie it into groups, Salina, Gunnison, Society, every thing telephone number is 524-7- 8 14 or Fax number is else. Here is w here my dilemma begins. email do my best each week to keep news address is newstg'gtelco net. Address from onecommunity. say Salina. out of isP.O. Box 84. Gunnison. Utah 84624 the Gunnison Valley News. I also work hard to keep Gunnison new soul of the W5j. obvious danger Irom cars or some other hazard, simply move iloutol the way and back away. Don't carry the fawn away, and don't take it home. It's almost always best to leave a baby animal exactly where you find it. Wild animal parents often leave their y oung unattended while they feed and it to make a ere not the only people search- have todo that once in awhile. I do Wild animals belong in the wild, says DWR sion. the more you manage the more stress, your y ou w ill feel and to finish the cycle, the group maintains power by using violence to control others w ho are less powerful. They may even see adults they know using violence to show they have power. So they assume that maintaining power with violence is Valley News isss inn. :M4. i sps PcfukIk pxMaLc paid at Gunnison I tah Postmaster send address changes to Gunnison Ncwv Bx Gunnison, IT MG 4 The Gunnstn j!lev News ix published eash Ytedncsdav tor Slvcar in Sanpete Countv. S2 N ai in I tah, and $fcear in I S js 1. Publishers: Jim & l.uri ONcn Kditor: I ori Olsen birds begin jumping from their nests, which have become Uxt small for the grow ing nestlings. Because baby birds don't fly very well. they usually endup on the ground, where they will continue to be fed by their parents, until they learn to fly If a baby bird is encountered, the best thing to do is to leave it alone. Don't try to put it back into its nest and don't take it home. Parent birds will continue to feed and care for their young, wherever they land. Please resist the temptation to bring young animals and birds home. Your . gixxJ inlentionsw ill probably spell trag- edy for the young life you had hoped to save. Salina Sun l SPS 47V0M) Peruxiic.il postage paid in Salina. I tah Postmaster scnJ address changes to th, Salina Sun at Box 8s. Salina. I tah 84n54 The Salina Sun is published each Wednesday fix $ 9, year in Sevier County. $25 year in I tah. and S'Uyca in I S Publisher Jim A: Lon Olsen Editor Jim Olsen The office is lixaied al 1 E. Mam in Salina address, new so gtelco.net Wed Ollice Hours. Monday Jam - Fn 1 - 5 p m w Eax (4''M528-"6l(4 '5)529-78 4 the Njuivi unniwm nghts Ncwv All i' pt.(x?m vf i he (iunmvn ValWs News No pjr heroin mu lx rvprlUvcU wilhxHK pn or written .wnxni AH fVMXvou hv VinA Valle 2nd Annual Garden Landscaping Walk Through! Saturday, July 10 July at the 15-1- 9:00 A.M. Walk Through Begins at Richfield Block 7 Nephl Rodeo Arena (Imlted supply o( ticket Vouchee) When you purchase $25 or more of Wrangler Pro-Rod- WranglerCut eo Cowboy Blue Denim Basic Equipment the one There's only jean endorsed by Professional Rodeo Cowboy's Association, 100 Jeans Cotton for durability.comfort and Always at the best price fit. in town! Wrangler Cowboy Cut Jeans. Salina 212 So 8th w 529-740- Odt OPY 7 Auction Refreshments Prizes jeans andor shirts Wrangler Headquarters iRniHMsiiRfiaRitserajsii; I vt. u |