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Show glected,” he said, “and I don’t want them reared by a stranger.” These men’s reactions are typical, despite the fact that so many women do go to work today. One out of three wives with children under 18— and 60 percent of the wives without dependent children—are now collecting paychecks. Yet many men do look askance at the idea of their own wives going to work. (ften,it’s not for the reasons thy speak aloud. Their main objiection is usually involved with the male ego—the business of being a man and,as such, the family provider. Along with this comes a concern that their routine will be disrupted and their homes made less comfortable. In some families, 2 double salary is the only way to meet the costs of living. In those cases, there is no debating whether the wife should go to work. She simply goes. Many women, though, want to work not for the bread-and-butter necessities but for the trimmings on the cake: a house in a better neighborhood, a second car, music lessons, or summer camp for the children. There are motives other than money for a woman wanting to go to work. For some, there’s a need for the challenge of the business world and the change that takes them away from the sometimes dull routine of housework. Still others, like Marian, are eager to pursue the career rainbow they had chased before All of these are good reasons. Frankly, I can hardly think of a bad reason for a wife going to work. A possible exception might be the woman who uses this as a way to escape from the problems 2nd responsibilities of her marriage. She'll find out soon enough for herself that this sort of running away hasn’t solved anything. Though I’m in favor of wives working—I’m one of the 15,200,000 who do—there are right ways and wrong ways to go aboutit. A husband who feels his masculinity threatened has a right to protest. It’s up to the wife to show how much she loves and depends on him in other ways and how much of a man she thinks he is for reasons other than his paycheck. Ws up to the wife to emphasize the positive rather than the negative. “Darling, I think I’ve figured out a way for us to get that new station wagon” is obviously a lot easier for a man to take than “If you can’t get us the things we need, I guess I’ll have to do it.” The wife whose husband says he’s worried about all the other men she'll be meeting may feel a first flush of flattery. “He’s jealous, how nice.” But it isn’t nice, and she could start to wonder whether she has given him cause, if maybe she danced little too close to somebodyelse at that last party. A husband should be able to feel that if his wife has trusted him with the girls at the office ail these years, he can now do the same for her. If a wife wants to go to wock, it’s up to her to see that her absence doesn’t turn the house upside-down, Whowill pick up the children after school? Who will press the drapes? Who will shop? How much help does she now expect from her husband? A woman who knows what it means to “get organized” is a good prospect for managing a doublelife. Even if she works, it’s still a wife’s chief business to see to it that her house is run properly and her husband has a comfortable place to come home to. Interestingly enough, that part is easier thaa it sounds. It has been found that housework expands to fill the time. Tests showed that working wives did the same household chores as did full-time housewives—but in about a fraction of the time. If that surprises you, just think how fast the house got straight- other question to ponder: “Can she afford to go to work?” The cost of making money is high. Once a woman gets a job, there are al! sorts of new expenses, such as new clothes, higher cleanirg bills, lunches, transportation, extra household help. There is alo the stark economic prospect that her salary will put her husband in a higher income-tax bracket. If she’s going to work to help pay the mortgage, how much monty will she actually have—free and clear— to do so? For some women, taking a temporsry or part- ABOUT DR. BROTHERS The best-known woman psychologist of our time, Dr. Joyce Brothers,is living proof of the theories she writes about on these pages. A working wife and the mother of a teev-age daughter, she is on tv, writes a newspaper column, contributes regularly to Good Housekeeping magazine, and de the author of “Woman” and the forthcoming “Dr. Joyce Brothers’ Practical Guide to Keeping Your Man Fascinated.” ened up the last time the two of you wanted to dash out after supper to go bowling. There is, though, a wrong time for a woman to go to work. Most doctors and child experts feel strongiy that a mother should stay at home for the first three years or so of a child’s life. I agree. Those are the formative years when a mother’s physical presence is most important to give a child a sense of security and love. Unless she absolutely has to work for financial reasons or because she is going “stir crazy,” a mother should be there during these years to feed her infant, to play little games with him at bath time, to kiss away the hurts when he falls. The mother of older children may also feel guilty about leaving them. There is no shortage of well-meaning neighbors or relatives who will whisper in her ear ominous statistics about the effect on her children. The mother worries that they will develop neuroses, will flounder at school or become delirquents. Whatreaily happens to children whose mothers work? Countless studies have been done on this, and the most interesting thing about them is that they all say different things. There is no conclusive evidence, for example, that children of working mothers are more likely to have trouble at school, to develop personality problems, or to become delinquents. Hf a mother loves her child and accepts him, he will know it. If she doesn’t, then he will know that, too, even though she may be at his side all day long. One thing to remember about going to work is that this is not one of those things to put up to a family vote. The children should not be asked, they should be told. If the adults around them seem to accept the situation as natural and proper, most children tend to follow their lead. Once the wife has faced the problems of husband, children, and houseluold, there is still an- time job may be a better financial move. This is also a good way of giving her a trial run at returning to work. If things work well for her, her husband and their children, she may want to look for full-time or permanent work. But for some working mothers, “temporary” may become the permanent answer. It leaves her free to be at home during emergencies and to share her children’s holidays and school vacations. “Temporary work is a way of letting a woman ‘have her cake and eatit, too,” says Elmer L. Winter, president of Manpower, Inc., a leading temporary-employmentservice. “She can re- gain or retain her working abilities without giving up her role as wife, housekeeper, and mother; and it’s a good cure for ‘cabin fever,’ a disease the housewife gets from being tied up in the house for too long a time.” Whether she takes the temporary route or wants a permanent job, a wife’s paycheck can be dynamite. Money is a particularly dangerous thing—since its symbolic value is high and our feelings about it are formed at an early age. There are husbands who will feel threatened by a wife's earning power, just as there are other husbands who will feel proud of her success. Before a wife fills out that first job application, she and her husband should consider carefully how the money she earns will be handled. There are several work well in one family, not at all in another household. The two paychecks could be put in one big pot for husband and wife to spend equally. Or the husbandcan continue as the sole supporter while the wife’s earnings are used for extras. Her salary can be savei for an education fund or invested in other long-range goals rather than used to raise the day-to-day standard of living. They should make the decisions out of mutual respect and affection. But purely on a businesslike basis, the husband has a concern in the money his wife earns, since she is, in principle, taking time from their marriage to earn it. We live in an age where the rules are constantly changing on us, where the roles of man and woman, husband and wife, are being redefined daily. Yet most of us grew up when these roles were clear-cut, and so we haye our prejudices about what men are supposed to do and what wome. aren’t. That’s what makes the question of working wives such a touchy one. Still, the problems are being solved in thousands of homes every day. Many a marriage, far from being hurt by the new involvement of the wife, has been broadened and enriched. Working can keep a woman younger, better informed, and morc interesting to live with. A job can increase the value she sets on herself and make those around her see her in a new light. Even a husband who has grown accustomed to her old face may grow to cherish the new one. @ Family Weekly, February 4, 1968 7 |
