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Show The Tfuuufctli inf Moiufoy December 3, 1984 Page 5 ($ar er and GBeaay daydy The world that Elmer made knew this guy one time who was, well, just a little bit weird. Now me wrong he was a good enough person, but he had this strange idea that he was some kind of visionary. Elmer really seemed to believe that he was real-lif- e prophet. He had a whole bunch of these old books written by ancient philosophers and prophets that nobody had ever heard of, and he was always translating their cryptic meanings. After hed figure out the meanings of the various passages in these bizarre books, hed dash around like a crazed albatross telling everyone to prepare for the end. Since I was kind of his friend, he came to me first with his astonishing discoveries. Id be minding my own business, thinking life was pretty mellow, and in would rush my old buddy with some dire prediction. I remember one time, about a year ago, he came charging in all worked up over something, and told me that hed figured it out we were all doomed. He said that the Spirits of the Spheres had visited him and told him that the world was going to be wiped clean by a nuclear holocaust, and that those who were worthy would be taken to Sirius by benign beings. I asked him when, exactly, this was all going to happen. He looked at me with a wise expression, and said that the Spirits had told him that the event would occur in six days. Then, with a muttered prepare thyself, he raced off to perform his cleansing rituals. Being a careful person, I took his advice. I prepared myself to party heavily on the predicted day of doom as did 90 percent of the other people he had warned. We all decided that if the world was going to vaporized, wed rather be enjoying our last moments instead of crouching in a dark basement. I didnt see my friend for many months after that night. Then, one afternoon, there came a knock at my door. I opened it, and there was my friend the prophet. He started on his visionary bit again. Hed been studying his books, and seeking visions. He pulled out a thin book. This is The Prophecies of Poltroonicus," he said. Listen, itll blow you away. He began to read: Aye! What is this I seest? Four twin sparrows leaping! Harken, the Ides of March return upon the junction of Jupiter! Fie! Then he looked at me. Well? Well what? I said. Dont you see, he went on. Hes talking about Reagan bringing about the destruction of man! The four twin sparrows signify Reagans double terms! I nodded politely and said nothing. Obviously youre not convinced, he said, and retrieved yet another book from his backpack. This one was titled, The Book of Ludicroix. Just wait til you hear this, he chuckled. Again he read aloud: Lo! Came there upon the land a man enfeebled and tottered. Yea, be he most foul, verily, so foul that the people hid their faces and were unable to find them later. Let me guess, I said. Reagan again. Yep! he said, See, enfeebled and tottered, that means an old man. People unable to find their faces because they were melted off by nuclear explosions! This is it, man. The world is going to end in March. You said that once before, I reminded him, and nothing happened except that you scared a lot of little kids who thought they were going to die. What went wrong? I dont get . hyper-intellige- , ' j nt ALL EARRINGS SENSHU EYES 20 20 1NFUSIUM 23 HAIR CONDITIONER BLOW DRYER OFF OFF $3. 49 1250 WATT 491 SOUTH MAIN STREET i j (m the plaza next to dairy freez) 586-268- 6 student night at the Bookstope e, , $9. 95 dccerrmeR ioth, 6:30 - 9:00 p.m. spot sales Book scholaRships RepReshments Ooor prizes , ATT E N T I Q N Students who are eligible for Financial Aid, Winter Quarter 1985 will be able to pick up their vouchers in the Financial Aid Office during the week of December 10, 1984 The Cashier must process the voucher before December 20, in order to have the checks for the balance of aid ready to be picked up during the week of January 2, 1985 |