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Show Thursday, May 14, 1959 ANYTHING GOES I dont imagine that anyone will argue too loudly if I say that this is the age of Psychiatry. And just offhand I would say that psychiatry flourishes best in apd around Los Angeles. I understand from people who have been there recently that every other store on most streets houses a psychiatric clinic of some sort. The plumbers and grocery stores have all been evicted from the premises to make room for progress. And, of course, they advertise. You see such signs as, Five couches, no waiting, and Heads called for a,nd delivered, and so forth. I went to a psychiatrist once. I thought I had an inferiority complex. After fixe examinations the doctor came to a conclusion and said, You dont have an inferiority complex, you are inferior. Well it was nice to know I didnt have a complex anyway. Im So now when sick, I Page 3 THE VALLEY VIEW NEWS dont think Im sick, I know Im sick. So when I go to a regular doctor. Then I go to a head shrinker, as they are affectionately called. Actually a regular doctor can confuse you so much that you end up o,n the couch. Lewis Bros. Stages Depot 360 South West Temple Street Phone Elgin 77 Kearns 5 Salt Lake City Schedules Ham With Pineapple By Rolf For. instance, a friend of mine had a pain in the calf of his right leg, so off he goes to the doctor. After examining him the doctor told my friend that his paim was due to old age. This confused him no end because his left leg was as old as his right leg and it didnt hurst at all. So off to the nut doctor he goes. Did you ever notice that when a psychiatrist analyzes a patient he always sits at the head of the couch where the patient cant see him? This is so he can run out for a hamburger while the patient tells him how he used to drown cats when he was a small boy. Which reminds me of a story. Two psychiatrists were waiting for an elevator one evening. One was an older man and the other obviously had just started in practice, judging from his youthful appearance. But the strange part of it was that the older of the two looked refreshed, calm, debonaire, and relaxed. The younger man looked liked he had just had a fast trip through a cement mixer. To put it mildly he was beat. He turned to the older man and said, I hope youll forgive me, Doctor, but for the last three weeks we happen to be waiting for the same elevator. And every night I cant help but notice how calm and refreshed you look at the end of a hard day. Frankly, after seeing patients all day and listening to their problems, Im utterly exhausted. Id like to know how you look so relaxed after listening to peoples troubles all day long? To which Who the older doctor replied, listens? Which reminds me of another story. A psychiatrist was stopped on the street by a man who said to him, Doctor, my brother thinks hes a chicken, What do you think we should do with him? The doctor though a minute and said, Why dont you send him to a,n institution? To which the man replied, We thought of that but we need the eggs. - W. Kay a bill for it? Certainly, lawyer. A few days later received a letter in the the lawyer. Inside was a that read, For services said the the doctor mail from short note rendered, $25.00. And how about the farmer going past the insane asylum with a load of fertilizer. One of the inmates stuck his head through the iron bars and said, What are you going to do with that load of fertilizer? The farmer replied, Im going to put it on my strawberries. The nut smiled and said, You ought to come in her, we put cream and sugar on our strawberries. But one of my favorite stories is the one about the tourist who had a flat tire in front of the nut house. As he was going about changing the tire, he noticed one of the inmates watchipg him with great interest. The tourist took the nuts off the wheel and placed them in the hub cap. As he took the tire off it slipped and hit the hub cap on the edge and the nuts went flying into a small lake at the edge of the road. Now he was really in a pickle. After surveying the situation, he walked over to the i,nmate and said, You just saw what happened, theres a garage about five miles back. Im going to go there and pick up some extra nuts for the wheel. Would you be kind enough to watch the car for me so if any one comes along you can ell what its doing there. To this the nut simply replied, Nope. The tourist got a little hot under the collar and explained the situation to him again. He said, All I want you to do is watch the car. Ive got to back to that garage and get the nuts so I can put the wheels back on. Its the only thing I can do. The inmate told the tourist, You know, if I were in your predicament, Id take one nut off of each of the )ther three wheels and use those to put the spare wheel on with. Then I could get in the car This must have been the same aijd drive to the garage and buy the doctor who went to a party one nuts and replace them. night and was introduced to a The tourist looked amazed. lawyer. After the introductions were over, the doctor said to the Why, thats a very good idea, I would never have lawyer, Ive got a problem, peo- he said, of that. Tell me, may I in at me streets and the thought ple stop social gatherings and ayways try ask what youre doing in an inThe nut slowly to get a free diagnosis out of me. sane asylum? walked Do you think I should send them away saying, Im crazy, not stupid. .v.v.v.v.v.v.v.v.v.v.v.s .vNv.v.v.w.v.v.w.v.v.J v"" GSGXDC K2C3 GRANGER SHOE REPAIR New Manager 3539 Market St. (Albertson's Shopping Center) 8:30 to 6 P.M. Also Keys Made All Work Guaranteed DR. T. CHLEPAS, Optometrist Attractively garnished ham appeals to everyone. The ready-to-etype hams are one of the easiest of meats to glazed and garnished ham is prepare and serve, yet a beautifully ( to guests. to serve meats one of the most festive use to ths is for ham of baking An excellent method preparing bringing the ends heavy aluminum foil wrap. Wrap the ham 3by 4 inches. Smooth to meet ham and of foil up until they overlap over top piece foil underneath up ham. of sides over down Bring and press snugly. It should extend up 3 inches above bottom of is wrapped the pan to hold juices. No' need to seal. Half ham marinade mixture, same, using smaller piece of foil. Use half of at Place wrapped ham in moderately hot oven (400F.) and bake whole ham for 1'2 hours; half ham, 1 hour. GLAZE: To glaze ham, remove from oven, fold back foil and spoon out 'fat. Remove rind, score fat in diamond pattern with Brush with marinade sharp knife and stud with whole cloves. slices and cherries and with decorate pineapple (see recipe below), return to oven for 15 minutes to glaze. Brush with marinade once or twice while glazing. SPECIAL IIAM BAKING MARINADE For a whole ham, mix together: dry red 2 cup wine vinegar, ij teaspoon freshly ground wine or sherry pepper cup syrup from canned teaspoon cloves pineapple slices 1 teaspoon dry mustard yA cup brown sugar 1 teaspoon ginger 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce Brush well on ham before baking and during glazing. Watches Repaired and Cleaned New Parts Included Special $3.50 Satisfaction Guaranteed RULON'S 4145 W. 4960 So. - CY pen-and-i- nk rately. However, our staff still has the old warmth of appreciation for each customer's business; and the same desire to make available the best in banking service suited to your individual needs. Downstairs Kearns Medical Center Call CY 5200 So. 4420 West - Kearns Sunday School Preaching Service Training Union Preaching Service Wed. Prayer Service 10.00 11:00 6:30 7:30 7:30 North East Corner of Kearns Catering to Men, Women and Children Closed Mondays - Except Week Containing a Holiday MAGIC Service and Mending Service Damaged Knit Garments Repaired Knit Skirts Shortened of KEARNS Ness Building 28 W. 2nd South - EMplre pun. p.m. 79 No Show Thursday, May 14th Friday, Saturday, May 15th Special Double Bill 16th & "Th ree Faces of Eve" "Mardi Gras" Joanne Woodward, David Wayne, Lee J. Cobb The Strangest Experience a Girl Ever Had It's True This Feature starts 6:15 - 9:45 Pat Boone, Tommy Sands, Sheree North, Gary Crosby The Show Time of a Life Time In Color This Feature starts at 8:00 Roundup Saturday12 Matinee 3 Noon Starts p.m-HE- "MARDI GRAS" Colored Cartoons - "3 Stoges" - "Captain Video" Serial Fun for All Sunday, Monday, Tuesday - May Another Big Double Bill "Wild Heritage" "Raw Wind of Eden" 17-18-- 19 Esther Williams, Jeff Chandler Cinemascope and Color This Feature 6:15 and 9:25 Will Rogers, Jr., Maureen O'Sullivan Action - Cinemascope & Color This Feature at 8 p.m. only Complete BANK a.m. a.m. p.m. Out GANG! Those Top Stars, That Top Musical - In Color Ray's Barber Shop ng First Baptist Church GEM THEATRE - Magna . 51 Re-Weavi- i CUT ME OUT AND HANG ME UP! Eye Examination - Glasses Fitted Machines that can keep records and do a part of our thinking have replaced the methods of early banking. They enable us to serve you promptly and accu- Festive Fare No Show Wednesday, Thursday, May 20-2- 1 52 Room 203 See All The Big Hits At The Gem Theatre, Magna |