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Show wei il ullUer rrr Uterally. in Floyd with iuj. ago to impress make your- Lith books, I said In 'you must Of swallow books. t but that ! fimratively, , ol one of ' Ioor Memory, During the trial in the murder case in Texas the prosecution placed on the stand Bob Sniverly, the barkeeper, who was an eye witness of the affray. As soon as Bob was sworn the prosecuting attorney turned to the witness and asked: What is your name? . That gets mo! exclaimed the witness. Why, colonel, it aint morn an hour ago that you said to me: liob, gimme another drink of that brandy, and now you ask me what is my name. That do get me. Texas Siftings. .- -t sur-pris- my pupils I to great distress. swallowed d i havehedone choke to gwinc Part'd fish it out hotter come n in a burry. Tom, a L irnorant to be anything Acyu'iloted with Him, I bad chewed up and Mr.' Ardup (at the tailor shop) Any Websters primary, difference in the prices of these pataud it Pfor a doctor terns? skill-I most I hours of bis Tailor-N- o, They are all the same. ve Toms Mr. Ardup I can take my choice of high-price- L J L life.-Chl- cago the three? Tailor Yes, you pay your money and UZtnTosey Uottom. I tins ob fools; one will take your choice. Chicago Tribune. Lriticr do en of a rain No Inducement in Sight, : Khll spen houahs wait-- t I ha! ha! simpered young suppose Its bhek is yaliA in ht Slimpate, you ladies cant help rememh bich am de wus. talkative men is on-- I bering once in awhile that this is leap i ;j year." hasnt (lo lock jor. I confess I hadnt thought of it this ffln dater man.spiscs so coldly replied Miss kin of meanness in evening at all, Quickstep. Chicago Tribune.Ji potry in er chile dat am She Hud lllm There, dah am in her talk da April fool! exclaimed Bloobumper, after catching her by j some trivial of cases whah edjication trick, on the 1st of April." Unholp a man bury Well, she replied, I'd rather be an Post April fool than one every month of the - . fTol year. Not on Nadisang at gathering a song called to which sho imitates ' different birds. singing Clamwhoopers i asked i real live birds? of Gilhooly, later on in uwbooper mansion rs. Clamwhooper Jury. They All Do It. She kept him Indoors Just an hour In till 1 ilk; But did m l tfi. iik to don her gloves Until they went to walk. Enifuf;f .1 k , smh, A Puck. Til half a ham and enougti ream to founder a a lark do thai, did mule. you? Late out; a Trustworthy Animal, Liveryman (to eustomer)-The- rc, sir, Is as good a horse as over pulled a wagon, an you neednt bo afraid of himhe's perfectly safe an' reliable. Customer (eying the animal dubiously) I dont know about that. I'd hate to trust him with any oats. Texas Siftings, A Mistake of the Day. Didnt you say the other day that the 21st of December was the shortest day of the year? asked Cumso. I did, replied Tangle. Well, it isn't, retorted Cumso, turning his pockets inside out in the hunt for a dime. The day before Balary day is the shortest." Life. riiiylng a Skin Game on nim. Uncle numstcad Im layin fer the mink that killed them chickens. Frank Towner Going to get square With him, eh? Uncle llumstcad liell pay fer 'em,-yetllis skin is vvurth three dollars. Frank Towner Oh, I see; youre going to take it out of his hide. Jury, is one thing Z house. is that? fur husband, he aiway -- N. Y; A Boomerang. Did your plan to stave off your creditors, by having (lie newspapers say you had inherited 81,000,000 from a distant relative, work? "Yes but I'm worse off than ever, Im bothered more by beggars and relatives now than I was by my creditors." Jury. Friend Why doesnt really mean je any-.Tex- as Siftings. loilrs Evidence. --Is that the papa i swan? sich They say 'tis dyed, her hair, Hill sho denies it: And truthfully. Did she but dare She easily could n 11 you where She buys it. swan, do you mean? Thats the apa ig 11 a lair Trial. makes the heart Do 'bey say, Miss .Amy." a would care for me lO Judgf THE OCCASION. TUB PRACTICAL lain Street, SPANISH FORK, William M, Thomas, DEALER Aliulm-na.- if I Mr. Van Dudcr. Supposing you go years, and then I could Jrday Evening Herald. 't know, ' try. UISPROVED. . All's Fair. IN- - POLITICIAN SIlM0 MS Handbook of American Politics, as applied to Utah, reduced to Plain Language and Easily Understood . Explana- tions, of nearly 200 pages. HANDSOMELY Vegetables, Etc. Iteh Paid I? Fat dalYss.and (Shieksns PSIETED Bologna Fresh Every Day. AND BOUND. do you do your sewing lu the air shaft? You Mrtliml til lilv , Light. -- Absence NOW READY! Spanish Fork, Utah. No. but I can hear N. Y. Weekly. ' " the poor thing, feathers pecked oft the and that isnt allowed of the biscuit, nor noth d!yj HE ROHE The most useful book of the kind ever . . Mrs. Giddy They 6.ny that young DcCourtney lias eloped with the governess. to make up for , Mr. Pcrtlcy Wants neglected education, I suppose. Judge. -- Why, -- Etc., Etc. can't ha f see. Mrs. Do Platt You He Boots, Shoes, Hats, Caps, A Tuvorlto Sent. must not pay any hat lie treats me in the tieautifully. f-- . Genuine. Uc are invited to Mr. at this window chin and calls mo iKJ . Herald. . j h-- :,DEALER3;iN.- (BISHISBiaiLi 3 cd n nnQO A A Dixguotod Lamp. Stayer Why; the lamp ts going ji, is Her flic -- Oracle (tired and sleepy) I suppose it thinks it's time something went out til HHunderStond, rt-Tl- icre MALS0LM & HUGHES ) Who is that woman loaded down with diamonds and jewels Cholmondeley That is Mrs. Ninna Uamner, the fashion writer, who has created such a sensation by proving that jewels are vulgar. Jewelers Circular. and Mrs. Bangle';, silver wedding. What shall we give their. ? that, but I never 6aw a Mr. Closefitit I'll make em a speech. d got through singingsit is silvern, you know. Good Speech !e end hide away three or Nows.' 9, Pevs-tors.- Bobs-Jone- s- Appn.pri to, Mrs. Closefist Golden H'lle Worketh Not. (At the soiree of the De Van Indispensable ms Ready 11 local to j general Political Subjects. published. Reference on. Ilarper's Bazar. - Its Art Education Neglected. Dinwiddle (sitting at his friends fireHistories of and Differences side) I don't call this an artistic chim- The between the Pdrties ney. Shingiss (who is rather proud of some Plainly Told. the about work tile mantel) exquisite Between Dunces. You dont? Whats wrong with it? . i Miss Dinw'uklic It doesn't draw well. Mr. Richfollo I understand that Beauti intends to give a masked ball. Pittsburgh Chronicle. Rival Belle No wonder, poor child No Invtnantlon. with such a complexion. N. Y.Weekly Passenger (in a railway car) Cant you make room here? All the other Tint Was Wli It Hie Meant. Preface' The National nd Local Gov mean by saying seats are full. Mabel What do you eriment Election of President and see cant Go you Twoseats along; Mr. Goslin is such a ladylike man? The Electoral Colthat I am sick? and House of Re Semite .Amy He cant raise a mustache. Hie lege Passenger Whats the matter; tricb iury. . The Supreme Court-Pract- ical ptesentatives Y. N. Sun. inosis? Politics Generally The BEATlNff I11S WIFE. Foundation of the Convention t ll mo, Bases, tf you can, The Tarif- f- Public Ex pmy parties ' now It should oomo to piss prnditures and Collections - The That tbc small boy n sure to miss the msa ReciDollar Congress-T- he Billion And hit the pane of glass. Political -J- udge. Legislaprocity Question tion The Force Bill The Bilvcr , Gratitude, Wifely Matters st Question John, I wish you Mrs. Tcnwiper Great Jsne The Third Psrty-T- he would dress better. Contest of 1800 The Parties of the Fait Australian Ballot System Tcnwipor It takes all the money can rake and scrape to pay for your The Single Tax Question National J clothes. Committee snd Platforms of ail the It's too bad. Im Mrs. Tenwiper Parties Presidential Elections from tlie Beginning, with Vote, Dats and actually ashamed to walk out with you. Cabinet Officers from Puck. politics to Harrison inclusive i F.ITort, Washington An Hnnrat Prevailing Political Termsexplsined ; John, said the ministers wife, how Ruck. The Local Politiral Situation tad to recite many more times are you going The First Campaign History Safety. that sermon of yours?" if an me Appendix. for you Girl-D- ont aslc dear, me, bother my Dont The Blase 1 am practicing a Other dance, VartRons- y- Bonn ll tier please," he returned. fall to N. Y. Sun. is sho I ready There what preach." with Kitty. . down and worship you. ' ' Gossip. 0.YE DOLLAR A COPY. Van Rentsarelow Aw, ye: Two gentlo women talked one day know lets everyone know'sho dont you overheard each word I eonecal And forthwith knelt me down to prsj that she worships nie while youMai; scy I For the poor obrent thin'. safer to be with you. Mr. Richfcllow Do you notice what a beautiful jicarly, Batiny complexion Miss Beauti lias? Kival Belle Yes. I dont see how she docs it. Good News. contents; . Know-Hailin- US. 3li . 3L iert V ay that Brown's wife pockets. ;ose. A woman of her 1 bU sa1 bot through a barn door. ?;7 g3 feekly. DM Happy. Poor husband has Murphy? Ho died fS' Iur Mrs, IT ftidnk so, mum. The wa to crack l U lwul a medicine bottle I tWlro Are Had. , ( 'You are the worst child I. guess, mo, you must '""g yourself, other-j- 3 ould have bestowed ft M)ou. Texas Siftings, i L1 j r for Money, But, Mr. Marigold,- party to a marrltige j??. i Be 7 - I for vi8nUet Him. rfKttr r "cw Mrs. Dadd U going j- j i j i u , Ambiguous, Ills Terms Were CmIi. in And you didnt ftiarry them? man- )Clerk (to patent medicine one oi Was there some bailiff. the fjulred Ilere is a curious credential from hitch In the arranirements? our customers. No," said the Justice of the peace It. Medicine Man-R- ead was no hitch. The bridegroom There Before I took your elixir mji Clerk Tribune. was strapped. tlsco You o" face was a sight. form bottle , :i circumstance. now. bend mo another J ury. didnt get ' out to the mothcr-in-lw- . Joncs-Y-on meeting last night? No. Circumstances over Ilrown me which 1 had no control prevented Jones TIM so? What were they? PressBrown Twins. Detroit Free -- I have a rert ior, replied Jan. Ahi Bad errand, pas Tbs Wsy with Men. miu1 so dead PrfathM there s man with Who never to his wife hath said: . Til not forget a single thing That you've requesud mo to " brlnjf And then When I come bom" LEAVE ORDERS AT TI1E SUN OFFICE. U LI LI : 10 rCC0f nilonff)-- Yc Ha was one . mat0, ands.-du- tHi NcwB. 1 JudgA , Weekly. alarmed, MiM Vc't a cent t9 my Weekly. t It Its e sho moves every father tew furniture. pasture, and him. ." I' am o my A hard task, Jan. t v Bbou urea .'.Indeed it is, pastor, but I ft to him gently." How will you do that? M i.r bbau tell him first thaTItlS Comes empty handodjieineoraln Nsutlcst Item. when my wife Yes," Bald Jones, reminds me of a vessel she mad gets underway." Jlow so? inquired Smith. rancor up. IiccaaMS shes got her . Texas Siftings. :0. ONLY $2.00 PER YEAR; |