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Show rood Jokes A Accoidlng to a recent dictum of the number of germs In a f Ingle teaspoon of milk, one hour after it has been hurried away from the cow on its career of death and destruction, has been reduced by modern methods from one or two millions to Iv squandered smiles 250. These germs are not In tho milk at the time it leaves the cow, but. unless ronu thing is done about it, they begin to arrive In large quantities from this moment. They come In excursion trains or on foot. The lineof germs waiting to get into an ordinary bottle of milk has been extending far out into the street. Police germs have had great trouble in preserving order, audj of course, had there been a riot much damage might have been done to ,Aut, strange to miv. Although my frowns Mowed To-nig- ht I'm away. po.rr the start: - li- DREXELS PLANNING FOR HONOR IN LONDON. Smiling Paradox. GERMS AND MILK. about A KING AS GUEST to-da- y, with care far In frowns than at INFORMATION WANTED. SMLHJ TOJM( . Not So High. John, dear, said the wife of his bosom, here is the bill for my new gown. Great Scot, exclaimed John, as he glanced at the figures, but its awful- isnt, replied his better It's the most decollete gown I half. ever had. Chicago Daily News. More Small Competitors. Weary Walker I see 500 more men has been trown out of work. were absolutely glued to their seats! Tired Traveler Gee! Deres gettib The Depreciator That's how you to be too much competition in our kept them there, was it? business! Puck. . Loves Labor Lost. said the politician after he had kissed each of the woman's six children twice around, and now I presume you'll hand my card to your husband and tell him that I shall appreciate the favor of his vote. Im sorry, said the mother, but my husband's been dead two years. And thus was love's labor lost. Detroit Free Press. BORROWING TROUBLE. Ah, Plenty of Applicants. Last week I decided that I needed a little training down, said the amateur athlete, so I advertised for a coach. Did you get ill-luc- k r - - 39 one? queried his replied the a. a., called. hackmen Chicago News. No, but 57 Daily Marion (a college girl, to her roommate) Myrtle, if you will lend me ten Tom tell dollars, I shall be everlastingly indebted to you. Myrtle (who speaks from experiBlushing Beatrice No, I told him I ence) I don't doubt it. would be his sisters. Puck. Oh! Quizzing Bess Did you you would be his sister? r. in-stan- e SURFEIT OF ADVICE. ' Expedient. Robinson Crusoe had ben v scared stiff by the tracks of tlie 'savages, and felt that his end Naturally, his first thought was to : provide himself with a.pctffin. lBut-whacoffin-nails? about he exclaimed, looking very blank. . . For a considerable timejt appearedthat there, was nothing to be done. However;.-a- s he considered the matter-further- , there at length evolve .the expedient of rolling up palm; leaves and filling them with bits, of- - rope, of which he possessed an abundance. Ive 'smoked worse! reflected Robinson, cheerfully. Puck. ' wras-at-bantK- u t - Truthful History. Tourist (out west) I presume this; neighborhood is full of exciting, history. Guide You bet. Dye see that point o rocks? When the sheriffs11 posse got after Buffalo Jim, they cha'Sed-hito the top of that there peak, 300. feet high, and the only way he could them was by jumping. Tourist Goodness me! The fall, killed him, of course? Guide No. He didnt jump. N. Y. Weekly. es-ca- pe friend. . - r A ly high! Oh, no, it they If you would entertain royalty you must have a palace. Such seems a reasonable way of looking at the matter, and when an American sets his heart on doing a thing he spares no' trouble or expense In providing the necessary equipment for the realization of his hopes and aspirations. Mr. and Mrs. Anthony Drexel are the latest of the t ich Americans to become inoculated by the microbe of social distinction, and as an Indication of the severity of the case they have secured a new Ixwdon home which Is the largest and finest private residence In Europe, In fact a veritable palace, 1 for the building alone Is estimated to l 33 have cost nearly a million dollars. The tf Drexel palace for such It Is stands on Crosvenor square and Audley ijn street, in one of the most exclusive quarters of the West end, and Is about 50 yards from the Fifth avenue of the metropolis Park lane. From tho outside the structure looks more like a large hotel than a private residence. For some time the Drexels debated whether or not they would take a New Home of the Drexels In London. house in Park lane facing Hyde park. Rumor said that they had decided on the same profession Is taking charge of .the rooms which will Illustrate the tlie great mansion left by "Barney Rarnalo. Mrs. Drexel finally decided Louis XV. and XVI. periods. Unlike most London mansions, the against it. as it was not sufficiently Drexel home is equipped with elethe interior being divided up roomy, or 'lifts, as the Kngllsh call vators into too many apartments. In addition to this, the which attended them and lso with every modern Barnato immediately after- building electrical device-foheating and light.hi? .Park dane palace is said to have ing. This winter, Mrs. Drexel 'will houseprejudiced the Drexels against it. Of open the house ifh a 'whichshe will give a course,- the mere matter of mony warming, after matle'iTb difference whatever. It will number of magjji.ficlffejiy-ap- d jjardybe. remembered that? Mrs. Drexel rent- ties. Mbs. An) horfy. Drexel ,J. ed Norris castle at an enormous fig- a great favorite with Jih$, inner cjreje ure for a whole year simply to spend of the English smart set, and her one week at Cowes, the famous yacht- daughter, Miss Margaretta, is said to be greatly admired by Queen Alexaning resort. The newj.house in Grosvenor square dra. It is reported that a suite of speis considerably-largethan Barnatos cial apartments has been set aside f.or lane and is somewhat King Edward, who is expected to be mansion, park peculiar in the fact that it has great a frequent visitor. The kings suite length, but not very much depth. This will never be occupied by anyone else has the advantage of providing a very but his majesty. This is the first on record where an American long ballroom. The interior of thief Drexel home is being fitted up to use has made such elaborate preparation a stock phrase in a literal sense with for English royalty. 01 seem a good. deal. What is to be done about them? We arc informed that they are not all unfriendly. Many of them are neutraL Many of them come in quietly, sit down, occupy themselves with domestic amusements, and do no harm. Hut among these there is still the likelihood that a real enemy to the system may get in. Until not a single germ can pass the sentry, therefore, is our milk likely to be safe. All babies are hereby warned to drink it at their peril. They will be I understand," said the chief of po-- . duly notified when science has barred out successfully every intruder, no lice, that you intend to give thje Sa. . ' I matter what his ago, nationality., or lome dance here.! Yes, replied the managers pf JJie. previous condition of servitude. Life, theatrical company,'"we have" traveling WHY THEY STAYED. arranged to do so, but I assure you that we have made it entirely. unql There is nothing; about jectionable. the dance that you would not' want your wife or your daughter to see. It is artistic nothing more. Then what the dickens do you want to give it for? Chicago Yes, my boy, American Millionaires Rent Largest House and Will Fit It Up In Regal Style with a Royal Suite of Rooms. hlunpinmis splendor. The entrance hall is white marble, but a noticeable feature Is the absence of the usual marble staircase. Instead, the visitor Is confronted with a series of paneled glass partitions, Inset with mirrors, which give the Impression that a second house has been built within the first one. One or two matble steps lead up this mirrored paneling, through which doors open into the drawing-room- , ballroom and other apartments on the ground floor. , if report spea,ks truly this house will be a palace of beauty and magnificence. Tn pest ties from the cast will decorate the oriental part. An Indian artist In decoration has come over especially to superintend the arrangement of that jtortlon of the house which will ho in eastern style; while a Frenchman la -- Hut In my heart. Wherein my treasures best I store, I find my nntlm Increased by several score ! Success. property. All this, however, is now on affair of the effete past. The regulations are so strict that only a given number of germs may pass, and even these have to give the countersign. Ilut even 250 germs to a teaspoon Actor Person SUCH Not a Bark. Terrier Dont you have watch on this craft? Tabby No. This is a Life. any cat-boa- t. dog. .y' |
