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Show Why a!l this abuse of the meek and f mue? The mule is a faith.'ai worker, and no one can gainsay that ie sings contralto with fervor and linked sweetness, long drawn out! 'rving was a man who could appreciate a mule, and la his description of he beautiful and skittish Sleepy Hol-owe firmly believe mention of the nuie was omitted merely through oversight! His muleship would have 'ocked well against a background of .all foliage in the heart of the Hollow, g'lioping like mad along the highway where the unfortunate Ichabod met his unseemly fate, or serenely poking ais nose over the barnyard fence at the Van Tassel homestead! Somehow we love a mule. Considering the size is ears, his feet are so fanciful and trim, his coat is so sleek and he is patience on a monument waiting for something to kick at! But we cant blame the mule for kicking. The city rtan kicks at the janitor, the country man kicks at the calves in the cabbage patch and if your ears weie as long as a mules you would kick also or anyone else you got a chance at! A mule will do a hard days work, be ebummy all day and calm as a cucumber just to get a chance to put out the glim of the lantern when the hired man makes his last round for the night! At climbing mountains and passing dangerous defiles, the mule is safety Itself. His step is sure and his delivery certain. Beware of the delivery! A mule would make a good billiard player; he never misses what he shoots at! When a mule crooks his neck around, looks at you oui of those great, solemn eyes of his, shifts his tail slightly to one side as a woman does her skirt when she a newspaper, changes hands to-bbegin to awaken your confidence. When you see the mule throw his weight on one leg and amass all his movement, strength for a string-hal- t toss confidence to the winds and dodge that is, ifyou have time. If you havent time it wont make any difference an hour later, as a mule always gets what he goes after, and the handles on your coffin wont cost any more now than they will in the n future when you fall into a hole! But for all that, we love the mule. We love him, not for his kicking qualities, but for himself alone. When a mere boy we heard a mule sing for we mean that the first time! If he had ever sung before he could have done better that time. But somehow that vocal solo endeared us to the singer, and we prefer any day to a phonograph. Some time, when we become opulent and gouty we are going to have a beautiful hoipp in the subuibs beside the rippling lake. There will be flower" and other glad things inthe front yard, but to the rear will be located a weiner-wurssmoke-housand an army mule that can reach extra upper C! If the fish dont bite then it wont be our OLD STYLE IN VOGUE. lowly Designs That Were Popular In 1830 Have Found Are Called On to Solve a pan-handl- said Charlie, who a faithful subscriber to the colored supplement. It is ten miles to Bumperville and no freight train before midnight. Ere the starry stars burst through the canopy of night he would starve like & common hobo who chalked gate posts and begged for dookies of the kitchen mechanics. Nay! Nay! Pauline, he would not let the gnaw of hunger eat at the vitals of his inner self like a rat chewing an old snoe in the garret. Philosophically Charles Dana Knotington tapped his forehead with the Index finger of his right hand and, sinkirg down beside a pile of ashes in the back lot of the Pumpkin office, pulled from his pocket the Morning Cow Bell and began to read. It is to think, was Great Problem, HE 'discriminating a have dressmakers serious problem to settle just now. In the 1830 designs which are fast becoming the smartest and newest of fashions for 1903 the cape, the revers, mantelet and peionue play an Important part. The grave ' question to be decided Is whether their gracefully falling lines, which are inseparably associated with the sloping shoulders of long ago, will Mt. this! Whats horiible! Pelee swallowed up a thousand lives! Life is but as candles snuffed out In The entire the twinkling of an eye! Island buried In a storm of ashes! ASHES! The recumbent form of Cbarles Dana arose vigorously to a rectangular figure! Ashes! , he gasped, Ashes! In a moment he was gone, but In the dusky shadows of eventide a dark form might have been seen diligently engaged at the ash pile in the alley back of where the Podunk Pumpkin had its abstract being! the next issue of the appeared this notice: And in kin A DASTARDS Pump- WORK. A miserable tramp printer of the filled name of Charlie Knotington several hundred envelopes with ashes p from some Podunk sold and last Tuesday evening them to our Inhabitants for ten cents each as souvenirs of Mt. Pelee. Hanging is too good for such hoboes." But many miles away, like Sheridan, Charles Dana Knotington was sauer-krau- t calgily smoking a clear leaf cigar in the rear of the office of the Strawberry Point Sweet Corn and beside him rose, full high, another pile of ash and clinkers, or Mt. Pelee after the eruption! and clinkers ash-hea- 5?? The editor of the Richfield (Utah) Reaper is so nervous these days he jumps when the fair typo drops a three-equad or the devil enters his presence unannounced. The reason is f his son, aged seven and years, has a bow and arrow sent by a loving aunt As a result the Reaper family members are all Indians and the boy is zealously stalking them in a mad desire to snatch their scalps. He is also practicing the William Tell racket on his sister. Pity the poor editor! one-hal- This cruel war against the married who are forgetting to have children bids fair to decrease the pug dog population as well as reduce the waiting list of the old bachelors union. Celibacy and forgetfulness promise no longer to be popular. Staid benedicts and buxom dames who have been reveling in the clatte-- y gallop of the society bridle path have been reminded there is nothing In that beautiful sentiment: What is home without a mother," if there Is no nursing bottle In the domicile and no yowl in the nursery. WTe cant have mothers without babies, although we can have babies without mothers after tbe first throes of parentage. Thus it Is barely possible that the society woman may yet weep for jealousy of the mother of nine children and a haughty stare, and begin to recruit our army ere It Is yet too late. Yesterday we were Toshouting, On with the dance! day we are wondering how a hobbyhorse would look in the front parlor! From careless, childless tyrants of pleasure we have been snatched like brands from the burning pyre of oblivion and sanctified in tbe consideration of tbe propagation of a numerous progeny! It is well! What we need In this country is a liberal ratio of one boy to the tail of every pug dog in the land and two girls to each pair of curling tongs in the department stores. The ratio may not be truly commensurate with the needs of the ladies, but It assures us of the masculine gender more taffeta from which to pick our matrimonial troubles! Down with the thoughtless, shame upon the fecundious who would populate this country with old maids cats canines! Let us and curly-taileawake to our duty! The day of revenge Is at hand when we can defy the owner of the apartment house and the autocrat of the flat building! Do you not hear the children weeping, O my brothers? or words to that effect! The day of atonement is coming when eleven children, a hopeful wife and a mooly cow with a liberal flow of lacteal fluid, will constitute the average family, around which a proud father throws his protecting arms and smiles in the assurance of having done something for his country, his flag and the census enumerator! absent-minde- d d 5 5 5 A very large, hideous hoodoo, with deer colored eyes and a grapevine tail, has been chasing the Wayne (Neb.) Democrat man in a mad effort to induce him to take to drink. The hoodoo put an imaginary brick in the wheels of the job press and broke the press, the heodoo wagged his tangly tail in the way of a form and it pled, the hoodoo blew his breath Into the concentric of the gasoline engine and ft coughs terribly, but produces no power. The rnoodoo went further and kicked in th'e windows, disrupted the printshop chimney, melted the rollers, broke the ofljlce towel and other commandments. I The editor fumigated with formaldehyde and thought he had the hoodoo faded." In a moment of ttnguardednese, however, the evil spirit Pointed his linger at the old Prouty Press. The Avopperjaw fell into the tumbllngpot, the gingcumcrack jumped the bVd of the rollerinktum mid the Junk called with a dray. But you cant 1 eep a Democrat down, ud the editor was all smiles next day whooping er upifor Wayne and Wayne p-a- business. i n TRUE HISTORY OF THE' LIFE AND DEEDS OF ST. PATRICK " fault 5 5 5 When the Hindoo editor is weary of or of the the clank-clansick at heart because rollers wont work, he announces a suspension for a few weeks and takes to the woods. The Hindoo, in the United States, would grow lethargic but once in the same field. During his itinerary some Hveiy country printer with a pocketful of type would drop into the field and have his bacon well cooked in no time. In America one has to kpep moving to hold advantage. If some one wise in Hindoo physiology will tell us as to the longevity of life in Hindoostan, then we will know which plan is the better, that of the Hindoo or the American. job-pres- k 5 5 5 A much mooted question among the heirs was whether the doctor or the editor should be last paid. Arbitration resulted In a resolution to pay the doctor last and to let the editor go to the damnltlon bow-wow- 5 5 5 The reason an editor dont print eyerything that happens is because he enough as it is. la round-shouldere- d one. broad-shouldere- d to-da- tunnel-explosio- t shoulders prevailed for three decades, themselves these were gracious fashions, rich, flowing, half concealing, half revealirg. A trifle too abundant for the stout woman they may have been, but a blessing for the thin However you look at it, the freakishness which has revived them for gena vigorous and eration is past' understanding. Wnat is a poor girl to do? She has her square shoulders and has acquired them by hard labor. She cant get rid of them for shes not a Gibson or a Christy girl on paper to be subtly and imperceptibly modified to the 'requirements of the mode. One dressmaker, suggests some neat little pads, which by shortening the length of the neck would give a perfect slope to the shoulders. These would be carefully made to suit each pair of shoulders, the dress would be fitted over them and they would finally be sewed In 4he dress. But, of course, they would be of no use in the evening frock. Another suggestion Is the resort massage, to abto the stain from any violent use of the arms and shoulders and to spend as much time as possible with heavy weights In each hand to pull down the shoulders. Of course, a girl may . Join the Independent party and declare that a sharp angle In her cape collar is much smarter than a soft Incline, 1830 Styles on Modern Shoulders, to predict that seem tolerable on the square, some- but it is pretty safe shoulders decided that if sloping its of shoulders times pointedly square, are the only proper kind to yo with uy e akers - of-h- Charles Dana Knotington, the itinerant type sticker, wag weary, hungry and footsore but not discouraged. He was a man of many towns, a peregrinang bum printer, known to Butte, from Kalamazoo, Mica., He was not only known of Mont. men but his acquaintance was wide, He knew a varied and reminiscent. man who worked with Horace Greeley and once he had held cases longside on the Butte Miner. With o Laarus the perfesh he was a man of many In ties, typographical and railroad. fact his knowledge of great editors and association with swifts," was as endless as the railroad ties over t which, during a nomadic career, he had passed on the bumpers. , Thus it was, in the course of events, he had landed in Podunk and sought the usual employment But, alas! the deadly machine had shown its head in the beautiful little city on the Squirt-le- t and Charles Dana Knotington The alley had been turned down. wherein once was heard the silent messengers of the gang as they in the sticks, wa3 clicked, clicked the invention of man, with no more ruthless clank and clang, had usurped the bread and butter or hundreds like Charles Dana K. Having been refused work he asked but the cruel for a heart of the editor was petrifying fast and Knotington turned from the office Podunk Pumpkin with sorof the row in his very soul. But ho was not discouraged. Had the he not successfully combated of life innumerable stern realities rose joyously times, and exultant, above the sordid obstacles that barred his printorial fcay? Aye! aye! Favor-Dressm- Shorn of fiction, the life of St. Patrick is one of interest. The wise men claim St. Patrick as a Scotchman, Englishman, Frenchman, Spaniard, or Welshman, but every son of Erin knows that the saint was an Irishman. St. Patrick was of the Irish royal blood, and to show that he was not of any other nationality let us examine his ancestry. His father was Calphurnius, a deacon, son of Potitus, a priest in the Roman Catholic church. His mother was Conchessa, a near relative to St. Martin of Tours. Potitus was son of Odais, son of Connudh; son of Leobut; son of Mere; son of Oda, son of Ore, son of Muric, son of Ore, son of Leo, son of Maxime, son of Oth-rason of Erniede, son of Euse, son of Piliste, son of Pherum (Farine), son of Briottan Maol, son of Fearghus Lethdug, son of Nunhaidh, a quo of the Nundians, who were descended of Magog, son of Japhet. Calphurnius was the Latinization of the Celtic, the later form was Maculpum, now MacAlpin, one of the early royal families in Scotland, who came into that country from Ireland, where they were of the royal and noble lineage. As a child, St. Patrick was called Suc-cabut when be was baptized Into tbe Catholic faith his name was changed to Paderic, or Patrick, which means a nobleman. So here is our saint's name, Patrick McAlpin, - who as a boy first came into historical prominence in Gaul, then a Roman province. St. Patrick landed in Ireland as a missionary In 432 A. D. Ireland at that time was peopled by a fierce and fiery race of sun and idol worshipers, whose priests were the Druids. They had, strange to say, a code of morals of their own, and they treated women with the greatest consideration. They were barbarians, for the Romans, who for nearly 400 years had been the conquerors of Britain, had to acknowledge that they could do nothing with the people of Ireland. St. Patricks great ambition was the conversion of his old master. Prince Miichu. He traveled north in the direction of Milchus castle, but when he came in sight of it a great red light in the sky caused him to halt In wonder. He soon learned the cause of the His fame as a converter of glare. souls to Christ had preceded him. Something made the old warrior Mii chu feel, when he heard that St. Patrick was traveling to his castle, that he would be led to desert the gods of his fathers. Miichu determined to prevent such a humiliating fate by dying as he had lived, so he set fire to his ancestral home and perished in the flames sooner than be converted by St. Patrick. From the funeral pyre of his oid master, St. Patrick burned with a new and brilliant idea in view. The court of King Laeghaire (Anglicized to OLeary, and ancestor of that family), son of Nial Mor, of the time of the Nine Hostages, 12Gth monarch of Ireland, whose reign opened 378 A. D. (he married first Inne, daughter of Prince Luighdrach, and became ancestor of the princely families ONeil and McNeil St. Brigid, or Bridget, who is the patron saint of Ireland, is of this house), was about to meet to celebrate the festival of the Fes of Tara. Here all the priests and dignitaries gathered to worship in the national fashion, and St. Patrick determined to strike a blow at the fountain head at once. The sequel showed how wise a determination it was. As he approached the vicinity of the palace, St. Patrick lighted a fire, to camp for the night. This was a grave offense, for no fires were allowed to be lighted until the sacrificial fire ef the following morning was ignited. The king saw the rebellious blaze in the distance, and sent to find out who had kindled it. St. Patrick was discovered sitting aa bold as a lion at his fireside on the plain, in company with a few followers. The king, who knew too well with whom he had to deal, ordered St. Patrick to be brought to the idolatrous celebration bn the following morning to pit his supernatural powers against those of the court magicians and high priests. At daybreak, therefore, behold the Druidical high priests and St Patrick arrayed against each other, King Laeghaire and court and people looking on expectantly. The Druids had the first inning. They made snow fall to the depth of several feet, but they could not get rid of the beautiful. They caused black darkness to cover the land, but when they called for light the light declined to come. So they had to suffer the ignominy of accept1 ing the proffered assistance of St Patrick, who caused snow and darkness to disappear in a twinkling. Then St Personnel of St Patrick. St Patrick is believed to have begun his missionary labors in Ireland In about the year A. D. 432, being then In the very perfection of his physical manhood. In figure he is represented as being over the ordinary hlght of men, but attenuated by early suffering in slavery, and in consequence of his strict obsenance of the rules of fasting and abstinence laid down by his instructor, St. Germanus, of whom it is said that, from the day on which he began his ministry to the day of his nevdeath, a period of thirty years, he er touched wheaten bread, nor did he allow himself the common seasoning of salt with his barley, the only food which he permitted himself. In temperament St. Patrick wass soma-timegrave and stern, and though of acts severity, was moved to at tne to compassion meited easily mental or suffering of physical sight affliction; and, like most great men who have made themselves a place In the worlds history, he had an unsudbending will and temper prone to den bursts of anger; in his case, however, subdued and kept in check by watchfulness and continual His dress was a tunic, or long garment, of coarse wooj or serge, which covered the whole body and reached quite to the feet; a cuculla, or small hood for the head, which ended in a point, and, when not drawn over the head, hung over the neck and shoulders; and an Inner garment of haircloth. He wore the tonenre, but no covering for his head other than the cuculla, and his feet were bare, save as they were partially covered by the thin sandals. Cal-pu- t, self-denia- l. The Day Generally Observed. Few anniversaries are more heartily observed than is the natal day of St. Patrick by the loyal Irish people ia America. The wearing ,of the green has become a very common practice, and the Irish national societies put forth their best efforts in the line of entertainments and parades. In Ireland, the celebrations less formal, but more universal. The shamrock tt worn everywhere, in commemoration of the fact that when St Patrick was preaching the doctrine of the trinity, he made nse of this plant bearing three leaves The cape, revers, mantelet and pelerine are here,' along with the immense flowing sleeves and voluminous frilled skirts, and about forty-fiv- e women out of fifty have square shoulders. It will be seen, therefore, that the question Is of importance. As to just what is the best thing to ' do under the circumstances, opinion is much divided at present Many women of an independent cast of mind,; and some otherB who believe in piquant contrasts, maintain the fact that sloping shoulders were once worn with capes and pelerines is no reason why square ones should But not become them just as well. that the eternal fitneses of things cannot be eluded so lightly Is shown by the fact that the illustrators who seek to adapt their handsome girls to the prevailing style of dress and the dress to the girls have of Tate considerably toned down th a aggressive squareness of shoulderk which only a short time ago was onof the most valuable possessions of each proprietary type of girl. Square shoulders have been admired from time to time. The Egyptians admired them and so did the Greeks, bht from the days of Venus de Patrick challenged the chief pries to a trial that looked all in favor of the latter. He proposed to have the priest placed on a pile of green wood, and the boy, Benignus, who accompanied the party, placed on a pile of dry wood, and a test was made to see whose God would protect his own from the flames. The priest accepted, with the result that he was burned to ashes, while the flames did not injure the boy at all. Then King Laeghaire, with rage In his heart and a smile on his lips, invited St. Patrick to come to his palace on the following day. Armed men were stationed on the road to kill the saint and his followers, but they saw only a few deer pass them in the night. Then the king played his last card. A cup of poisoned wine was given St. Patrick when he reached the palace, but the saint turned the cup upside down, the poison fell out, and again the king was foiled. Then he decided to make the best of it and gave St. Patrick the freedom of his kingdom to do as he pleased. SL Patrick was at Madh where he In Our Grandmothers Day. was warned that death was near. The saint proceeded to Armagh, where he Medici until they came in again ' made his episcopal headquarters, as with the they were first Bishop of Afimagh. While here eclipsed by the luxurious fall and an angel appeared to him in a vision Clytie-lik- e droop of the shoulders and gave him minute Instructions called swan-lik- e by the poetical and about the size and style of the pro- champagne bottle by the irreverent. The high favor of the sloping shoulposed cathedral. Accordingly he built the wall 140 feet long, the great hall der came in the 30s, wita the fashwas 30 feet long, the kitchen 17 feet, ions which demanded their support and the treasury for the sacred vessels and became them so well that the 7 feet, as the angel ordained, and combined influence of fashion, and when it was done the saint went, to Rome to bring back a linen clpth ' Needed a Reminder. marked with the blood of our Lord jCn man told a story on him-hel- f Jesus Christ, besides certain relics of the at Murray Hill hotel the other SS. Peter and Paul and Stephen. He ' . . Say. was told in a dream to return to the I had for the occasion recently, province of Uladh, which was the scend first time in my life, he said, to of his first triumphs. When he arYork lawyer, and New a big employ rived at Saul he took to his bed and died on March 17, 492 A. D., sixty went to former Attorney General John W. stated my case, and gave years after his arrival in Ireland, at him Griggs, a retainer. for 225 the great age of 120 years. The aposWithout betraying the slightest tle of Ireland and its first bishop breathed his last surrounded by con- feeling as to the size of my fee, Mr. me verts of his ministry. He found in Griggs told his secretary to give disIreland 3,000,000 of pagans, and in six- a receipt for the amount, and missed me with the remark: ty years he had changed the religious When you want me to proceed aspect of the land so completely, that your case, send me a reminder. there was not an idol to be found on with is This only a retainer, you know. all the land. s New York Mail and Express. on one stem, as a symbol of the great Bishop Opposes Prohibition. mystery. In every household a plateCharles B. Galloway of the Bishop ful of the herb is placed on the breakMethodist church has written a letter fast table of the "master and the in which he condemns the movement drowned in generous draughts .of for statutory prohibition in Mississipwhisky, after which the bottle is sent pi. The bishop declares emphatically to the servants In the kitchen. Among against the proposed legislation, holdthe higher class at Dublin the celebrait to be a bad thing which has tion is topped off with a big ball at St ing created strife and opened the question Patricks ball, Dublin eastle. at the session of every legislature, while the present law of local option, St Patricks that of allowing every county to deVirtues. Among what may be called the hu- cide the question for itself, is by far man virtues of St. Patrick, there were more satisfactory. The bishop has a three for which he was very Hrje following and his stand on remarkable; his sense of justice his the qire t'ca will undoubtedly defeat directness of purpose, and his unflinchthe measure. ing administration of law dnd enforcement of discipline. John Adams Granddaughter. After completing his labors, the Miss Elizabeth Coombes Adams, apostle directed, it is said, by an an- granddaughter of John Adams, second gelic visitant, proceeded to Downpatpresident of the United States, celerick, where, having ended his earthly brated her 9Gth birthday the other day mission, he passed gently into the oth- at her home id Quincy, Mass. Miss er life to receive the reward, of h.s Adams attended every presidential ingood works. He had become blind and auguration from that of John Quincy quite feeble before the time of his Adams to that of Grover Cleveland. Her father, Thomas Boylson Adams, death. His age at the time of mortality is variously stated at from 82 to was the fifth and last son of President Adams. 121 years. up-tat- e , Pre-emine- An Old-Tim- e Beauty. 1830 fashions the required shoulders will be forthcoming. Will Accept Scholarship. Prof. Schmidt of the German university of Education, who accompanied Emperor William to England last November, and went to Oxford to investigate educational conditions there The German government un says: reservedly acknowledges the great value of the Rhodes scholarships, and will do its utmost to assist German students to avail themselves of them. You may state that the prospects of our accepting the scholar ships are altogether favorable. Them are no fundamental difficulties whatever in the way. Nothing but the difference between German and English university requirements suggests possible obstacles, the preparatory education of German students being so far in advance. Dead Mans Wishes Unheeded. Amos Mecartney, a California pioneer, died in Oakland a few days ago leaving to his family an estate worth . about half a million,; It was his wish that there should be no religious services at his funeral, as he did not desire anyone to talk of the hereafter, of which no one knows more thin I. If a small band can be engaged to entertain thofee at the funeral it is all that I require. His . wishes were not carried out, perhaps because his family feared what the A clergyman neighbors would say. delivered a regulation discourse, and instead of a band there was a genteel . quartet. , . Fights for Seat in Congress. One of the unsuccessful candidates for Congress in the last election was George C. R. Wagoner of St. Louis, by calling an undertaker. . He has instituted a contest against Representative Butler for- - the short term from that district ending March 4. Mr. Wagoners testimony arrived at Washington in six large boxes. As these boxes were not easily carried Mr. Wagoner had them equipped with regulation coffin bandies. With that fashion of attachment they were lifted from the house of representatives mail wagon and borne to the room of the election committee, where the contest is to be considered. Think Position Unlucky. Secret service men are coming to the conclusion that It is unlucky to be appointed a guard to the President. Frank H. Tyree, one of the men assigned as President Roosevelts bodyguard, is seriously ill and may not recover. Tyree succeeded William Craig, who was killed in the accident at Pittsfield, Mass., last September, in which the President had a narrow escape, and secret service men fear that the position carries with it bad luck. Craig had taken 'the place of George Foster, who was With President McKinley when the latter was shot at Buffalo, . ? Shah a Poor Geographer. Lloyd Griscom, en route by way of his native land to his new post as minister to Japan, has reached London from Teheran. He says the Shah of Persia has queer ideas about geography. The ruler expressed a desire to visit the United States and asked if he could go all the way by the Siberian railroad or if it took more than one day to cross the Atlantic. He was greatly distressed when Minister Grig-co- rn enlightened him. |