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Show GATHERED-U- P SMILES HUMOROUS STORIES WORTHY 01 PERUSAL. The Stranger at the Experience MeetArtistic Slip-Uing Old Farmer How Imagination Affects the Smoker. p grew with me. At last the demo obtained such a mastery over me I forgot to mention that it. was not the Demon Rum, but the Demon Soft Drink that at the mere sight of a confectioners or a drug store I experienced a mad desire to rush in and have an ice cream soda. Remonstrances had no effecL When I read in the paper that in yesterdays hot spell twelve persons had been prostrated by the heat and by the soda fountains I laughed the warning to scorn. But at last my turn came. One day, after putting away fifteen glasses of my favorite beverage, I did not feel well. I went to a doctor. Alter I explained matters he drew such a picture of the future condition of the coats of my stomach that I summoned up all my will power and resolved to reform from that moment. Brethren and sisters. I am a changed man. From that hour I have never touched soft drink. When the hot weather comes i indulge in beer with moderation, brethren and sisters that is to say, with as much moderation as you can reasonably expect from a thirsty man in summer. And I feel, brethren and sisters, like a fighting cock Notwithstanding which statement a muscular Christian advanced upon him at this juncture and put him out William E. McKenna. fifty-on- e Love Laughs. Id care not for honors or wealth, be said, "If your love should prove a lie; I'd cara not for pleasure or health, he said; Td chiefly desire to die. Id care not for home or for friends, she "laid; Lifes joys would seem a jest. When your passion wavers or ends, she said, "I shall seek for eternal resL. Yet to-da- y he digs deeply In Nome, they say; And in politics out there he wins, She rules in a Brooklyn home, they , say, And rocks a cradle of twins. Channing Pollock. Reassuring. An Artistic Slip-UThe old tarmer could raise excellent produce, but he had almost no schoolIn fact the old man could not ing. write or print, and he was obliged to resort to a novel scheme to take his orders. Instead of writing he would draw a picture of the vegetable or fruit ordered and beside it he would put a figure denoting the number of quarts, pounds, etc., of the thing desired. Tnis scheme worked very well, and the good housewives were willing to overlook some mistakes, as the farmers produce was much above the ordinary marke: stuff. But one good woman was very much mystified one day when the old man came in lugging a big watermelon. Why, I did not order that, John, she said. Yes, indeed, you did, maam, he said, earnestly, for I drew it in my book. 1 drew the picture and put a figure one side of it, meaning one watermelon. Youve made some mistake," she said. Lets see your order book. He opened the book and triumphantly pointed to a picture. There it is, theres the watermelon," he said. "Why, it looks to me more like a potato, she said. Why, it is, John; dont you remember, I ordered a peck of potatoes? and the olJ farmer grinned shamefacedly while the good housewife went off into peals of laughter. i p. ' Too Much. The wisdom of the sages is in her tender eyes. The pathos of the ages Is in, her maiden sighs. - In her sweet face each feature A meaning doth disclose, But,' oh, what pen can picture ' The sorrow of her noes. ' Tom Masson. Love Query. Say, Made, would yer love me Just der same if I didnt woik ter yer like dis? At the Experience Meeting. "Brethren and sisters, said the stranger who had just risen, I want to confess that I was once the slave of drink. I Amen! Hallelujah! shouted an enthusiastic old lady. I was a mere child when I began to form the pernicious habit. Perhaps my parents were to biame for rot looking after me more .carefully, but we will let that pass. .1 grew up to be a young man and my appetite in Rapid Life and Limb Transit Riding the horseshoe is a most curious custom that prevails at the located at Whitsell, Tennessee. The entrance to the mines is at the top of the mountain one of the many parallel ranges of the and the miners live either on a bench of the mountain, halfway down, or in the town of Whit-we- ll (Special Correspondence.) at the foot. The first sight that greets the trav- the English refused to become disThe track on which the coal is careler to Havana as he comes into port couraged, even when one of their bat- ried to the railroad running through is Morro Castle; the last thing which teries, which had taken 600 men seven Whitwell is a steep Incline two and he sees on leaving is Morro Castle, days to' build, was destroyed by fire. a half miles in length, and the miners and it and its neighbor Cabana Fort- They continued to push their trenches go up in the empty to their ress are the places that he has in toward morro and planted mines un- work in the mine; but to each mans mind to visit, whatever other points der its very walls. belt is hooked his horseshoe, on of interest may Jiave escaped his The governor of the Morro was the which he descends to his home again. notice. naval captain Don Luis de Velasco, More properly, it is a muleshoe, be It is a massive piece of work, and about whom the glory of that cam- - ing longer than wide. At the toe a coal-mine- s Cum-terlan- coal-car- s lt red-face- THE HORSESHOE. Tennessee Miners Risk A Rejected Favor. They boarded an open trolley car. Silks, feathers and flowers decked the girl, while the young man smoothed his new trousers with pride. They had eyes and ears for each other alone, and when the girl received a sharp rap on the shoulder from behind she uttered a little shriek. Eyes flashing, her young man turned to see a rough, fellow citizen offering a dainty bouquet tied with a knot of blue ribbon. Do not notice him at all, the young man said, with great presence cf mind, and looked away. Anothei rap upon her shoulder and she whispered: Harry, I think Ill say No, thank you, to him. Hes intoxicated as anything and may get violent if I ignore him. Harry turned and shook his head at the man when the flowers were thrust forward again. Then they were flung in the young ladys lap. "Oh, Harry! she cried, "Ill fainL Hold me! Oh, gracious me, I knew she didnt sew them on tight. Its the bunch off the right side of my hat. Stop the car, roared the excited Harry, and they left amid the unconcealed giggles of their fellow passengers. pepper-and-sa- goin to shoot you. I only shoot lions 'an tigers and things like that RIDE DOWN d Morro from the Sea. stands as one of the many links which paign gathers that is, on the Spanconnect Cubas present with her past. ish side. He was the Idol of the solAnything which has stood in our own diery, the inspiration of the officers, country for an entire century is old; and the admiration of the enemy. He had we anything with the authentic knew cf the preparations made by the date of 1589 the date which Morro enemy, and tnat he had no materials his bears it would seem worthy of the with which to sink a counter-mine- ; force was was in the much hard It veneration. depreciated by highest year mentioned that the plans of this service, and it had consisted of trainfortification were traced by the cele- ed solders, whose places had now been filled by others less experienced. brated engineer Juan Antonelli. The high rocky point at the narrow But he refused to surrender his entrance of Jhe bay was an admirable charge, and the council put It in his site for a strong fortification, and the power to do as he thought best. one planned by Antonelli was brought Forty four days after the English to a successful completion. It is an landed their mines under Morro's excellent example of mediaeval fort- walls Wire sprung. Only one had any ress, witfl its deep moats blasted out effect. The report of the explosion of the solid rock, its drawbridge and was heard within, and the officer of portcullis; the upper wprks, though the day investigated at once, and reold, are of semewhat more recent ported to Capt. Velasco that the damdate. Finished before 1600, the heav- age was so trifling as to be almost iest strain did not come upon it for none at all. And yet this officer, almost two centuries. In the wall of Milla by name, was in no wise in the upper part, near the angle where league with the English. The Engthe sea meets the land, is a tablet lish leaders inspected the breach from whose inscription tells that it was their vantage point by means of erected to the memory of the gallant glasses, and, influenced by the chief Capt. Velasco and Marques Gonzales, engineer, came to a conclusion exactly who fell in the defense of the castle; opposed to the one reached by the it was very near here that the Eng- Spanish officer of the day. lish forced their way in and took posThe mine was sprung shortly after session. 1 oclock at 4 the English standard In fancy the traveler may go back mass of ruins, for 140 years to that summer which saw floated over the was else. Capt. Velwithin it nothing the beginning of the most important asco was wounded mortally early in immost of Cubas history epoch On 14th the assault. the day of one. Looking portant save this last over the parapet in the wall of which August the conquerors took possession Railroad Term A Misplaced Switch. the tablet is placed, one may see of Havana. Tres Reyes" (Three Kings) is the stretched cut before him the scene of A Metropolitan Tragedy.' the hardest military struggles of the specific name of the castle, although There was tragedy in his eyes. You English invasion. All of that section it is nevei called that, and many uo see he was very much in love, was speaks of that summer of 1762 to not know that it has any claim to is the generic poor, but proud. those that have read the history, for that name Mcrro He stood facing the girl, his facd set in the lines of blank despair. She looked at him calmly. There was a mile regret in her expression nothing more. You promised me faithfully," he said. Not alone in his words but in the intensity of his voice she could read a bitter reproach. I am sorry, she said simply. "I did not know that you really cared so If you would only wait if much. you would only give me a little more time ." I have been waiting longer than most men could bear. My trust in you was never shaken before. Now, when my hopes have been raised to their highest pitch " But lest the reader misunderstand we will explain that the man was not in love with the girl to whom he was talking. She is agent for a laundry and has promised that his laundry would be done that afternoon. Her promise is unfulfilled and the man will not be able to call on The Girl with whom he is in love. Sadly he leaves the office of the laundry fingering tjie two dimes which will just pay for a telegram, to The Girl, saying that he is ill. La Fuerra. Oldest RuiJding in Havana. The Optimists Song, it was there that siege was laid to name of fortresses situated as it is on Life may be filled with aches and the Morro. The roads from the land- a jutting rock. Santiago Las one, San pains, more than three miles away, Juan nas one, and other c!ties also place, ing With waste and seeming folly; was cut siowly and with great labor With tlu Punta Castle guarding the Our path may be a path of stains, through a stubborn underbrush and city side of the entrance, and planned - (Blood stains of Melancholy.) a rocky soil. Men fell at their in the same year 1589, and the Fuerza, over Dull Grief a mighty monarch reigns, exhausted by the unusual beat, half a mile further in and antedating work, Deposing Master Jolly; fever broke out in their it by. fifty years, it forms the motive and yellow Yet, come what may, one Joy re- midst, so that at one time 5.000 sol- of the Havana escutcheon, three mains diers and seamen were on iheir backs, castles; signifies the position The kiss I stole from Molly. almost half the entire number. Still. of the city. A. Walter Uttin. -- -- - . the-ke- ,t ? Method of Sliding Down the Rail. notch is cut, which fits on the rail. On the shoe is rivetted a small square board the miner's sept. Sitting then on this tiny seat, his feet straight out before him, the hollow of a foot sliding down either side cf the rail, and acting as a brake, the little muleshoe grasping that same rail, his arms widespread, dipping up or down, to balance him, like a buzzard, swinging and dipping in the air, the Tennessee miner shoots down that two miles and a half of steep incline at the rate of a mile a minute. A s'wging as of hizzing wires precedes the miners, and they whiz past the observer, one after the other, in If a man gains too o.uick succession. fast on the one before him, pressure of the brake his feet slackens his speed. It dizzies one to watch them, and to think what might happen. Two or three have been killed,, but hundreds daily ride the horseshoe. Those who live on the plateau stop there; the level ground slackens their speed and their brake is but so great momentum has been gained that those who wish to go on glide over this level space, of perhaps two hundred yards, to the second stage of the incline below. Montreal Herald. EVER HEAR OF URALITEt Wonderful Material Invented by Man With Wonderful Name. Have you ever heard of uralite? Probably not, for it is a new Invention. It is the Invention of a Russian artillery officer and chemist named and its claim to distinction lies in the fact that it is absolutely fireproof. Uralite is composed of asbestos fibei, with a proper proportion of silicate, bicarbonate of soda and chalk, and it is supplied in various finishes and colors according to the purpose for whicn it is intended. In a soft form a sheet of uralite is like an asbestos board; when hard, it resembles finely sawn stone, and has a metallic ring. Besides being a nonconductor of heat and electricity, it is practically waterproof, and may be made entirely so by paint. Moreover, it can oe cut by the usual carpenters or woodworkers tools; it can 'be veneered to form paneling for walls or partitions; it can be painted, graineu, polished and glued together like wood; it does not split w7hen a nail Is driven through it; it Is not affected when exposed to moisture or great changes of temperature, and it can be given any desired color, either during the process of manufacture or afterwar 1 Stray Stories. Monkey have sold 3.0G0 Brooch. This grotesque bit of ornamentation has become a prevailing fad in London. It is made of paste and silver and the London makers say they of them this year. Will Store Supply of Coal. Bowdoln college in Brunswick, Me., has decided to store a winters supply of coal in leased sheds in order to be independent of dealers In case another shortage is declared. Citizens Lives Guarded. No married man in Vienna, it Is said, is allowed to go up in a balloon without the formal consent of his wife and children. Coal Burned in London Grates. London grates burn 40,000 tons of coal on a cold winters day. The prod-nof this Is 480 tons of sulphur. et |