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Show A9 The Daily Herald Sunday, March 10, 1996 Brain sludge ruining the human race Today, as part of our series "The Human Brain, So To Speak," we explore the phenomenon of: Brain Sludge. "Brain sludge" is a term coined by leading scientists to describe the vast collection of moronic things that your brain chooses to remember instead of useful information. For example: Take any group of 100 average Americans, and sing to them, "Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named Jed." At least 97 of them will immediately sing: "A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed." They will sing this even if they are attending a funeral. They can't help it. This particular wad of known to scientists sludge Davo Dairy The Miami Herald as "The Beverly Hillbillies is so Theme Song Wad" firmly lodged in the standard American brain lobe that it has become part of our national DNA, along with the "Gilligan's Island" wad. If a newborn American infant were abandoned in the wilderness and raised by wolves without any human contact or language, there would nevertheless come a day when he or she would blurt out, without having any idea what it meant: "A THREE-hou- r tour!" And the wolves would sing along. That's how pervasive brain sludge is. What is the root of this problem? Like most human defects, such as thigh fat, the original cause is your parents. Soon after you were born, your parents noticed that you were, functionally, an idiot, as evidenced by the fact that you spent most of your waking hours trying to eat your own feet. So they decided to put something into your brain, but instead of information you'd actually NEED later in life for example, the PIN number to your ATM card they sang drivel to you, the same drivel that parents have been dumping into their children's brains since the Middle Ages, such as "Pop Goes the Weasel," "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog." Your parents thought they were stimulating your mind, but in fact they were starting the sludge-buildu- p process, not realizing that every cretinous word they put into your brain would stay there FOREVER, so that decades later you'd find yourself waking up in the middle of the night wondering: "Why? WHY did she cut off their tails with a carving knife?" But your parents aren't the real problem. The REAL problem, the nuclear generator of brain sludge, is television. Here's a little test for those readers out there who are approximately 48 years old. How many of you know what the Fourth Amendment to the Constitution says? Let's see those hands ... one ... two ... OK, I count nine people. Now, how many of you remember the theme song to the 1950s TV show "Robin Hood"? Thousands of you! Me too! Everybody join in: "Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding through the glen! Robin Hood, Robin Hood, , with his band of men! Feared by the bad! Loved by the good! Robin Hood! Robin Hood! Robin Hood!" My brain also contains theme songs to early TV shows about Daniel Boone ("Daniel Boone was a man, yes a BIG man!"); Zorro ("The fox so cunning and free! He makes the sign of the Z!"); and Bat Masterson ("He (See BARRY, Page A 10) Tomb has rooms foul no mummies Pharaoh's sons believed to be buried in tomb By G.G. LaBELLE Associated Press Writer Kent Weeks LUXOR, Egypt likens an archaeologist's work to that of a detective. But when he discovered the largest tomb in the ancient Valley of the Kings, he dug up more mysteries than he's solved. Where, for instance, are the bodies? Weeks' unearthing of the sprawling complex, carved 3,200 years ago in the royal burial ground, has been called the most important since the discovery of with its wealth King Tut's tomb in 1922. of gold The tomb is believed to be the burial place for dozens of sons of Ramses the Great, whose colossal statues stand at Abu Simbel in upper Egypt. He ruled for 67 years and sired at least 100 children. It's also argued, though not proven, that Ramses is the biblical Pharaoh who ruled when the Jews fled Egypt. Thus, if Weeks, a professor of Egyptology at Cairo's American University, could just find the mummies, he could learn more about Egypt's Pharaohs what they ate, how they died, how they conducted life at court. He also might shed light on whether Ramses was the biblical Pharaoh. Last when Weeks May, announced the discovery of the tomb across the River Nile from Luxor, he had located 67 rooms after eight years of digging. He has since found 16 more rooms, but the only signs of bodies are some mummy fragments probably left when the great tomb was looted long ago. He believes at least 12 other which may contain rooms are on a level below ; mummies where he has been digging. But he has yet to find a way down. Weeks, originally from Everett, Wash., says the upper rooms were probably used by priests making offerings to the dead and not for burials. He explains the doors a little more were too narrow than shoulder width to get a or stone coffin, bulky sarcophagus, into the rooms. "They could not have served as burial chambers if the sons had been buried in sarcophagi, and we're finding sarcophagus fragments in the tomb," he says. The chunks of granite, basalt and serpentine coffins along with wall inscriptions, bones from mummified bodies and fragments of jars used to hold mummies' have convinced Weeks organs this is the tomb of the Pharaoh's sons. Still, he's finding mostly puzzles. For example, a corridor that seemed to be sloping down to the elusive lower floor instead abruptly ended. And one of 16 matching pillars in the main court is for unknown reasons made of plaster, while the others were caned in place out of limestone. Weeks speculates the "false pillar" was created to hide something, maybe even a passageway leading down to the bodies of the Pharaoh's sons. Most of the rooms and much of the columned court are still blocked by debris, and Weeks estimates it will takes six to 10 years more to dig out the whole tomb. When he left off excavating in November so he could teach in the spring semester, he was working in a deeply sloped corridor running opposite to other passages, toward the tomb of Ramses. He thinks it's possible, but highly improbable, the corridor could connect to the father's tomb. More likely, he hopes, is that it Tomb Discoveries The crypt Archaeologists have spent eight years unearthing a tomb thought to house the mummi fied bodies of as many as 50 sons of Ramses 11. debris deposited by ancient structure. Explorers dig through cement-likfloods to uncover the 3, Excavators are now uncovering and exploring passageways, possibly leading to an underground level housing mummies. Statue of Osiris, god of the afterworld One of two found in the valley; the other is in the tomb of Ramses. Entrance ! This royal crypt has The central court at least 83 moms: houses a single plaster pillar anumg i5 Setting limestone pillars. This "false pillar" is suspected to hide something, maybe a lower-leventrance. The valley contains 62 known tombs, including that of King Tutankhamun. .1 Mediterranean Sea Cairo O most have fewer than a dozen. Approx. 50m Valley of the Kings 1 Cnpt site "Continuing down that corridor may very weli lead us to the burial chambers." Kent Weeks, J EGYPT .J A frica j . (See TOMB, Page A 10) First intermediate period Aswan J . Ramses II, known as Ramses the Great, ruled for 67 years, from 1304 to 1237 B.C., during the New Kingdom frame Red uxo Miaoie Early Dvnastic A period , Old Kingdom f Second intermediate period Third intermediate Late period period New 4 KJnadom r n9aom Greco-Roma- n 100 I Hatshep.su! Amenhotep I Tulhmosis II All..,.,.,,.... rune it. j if c iiific irrti Tulhmosis IV Smenkhkare Seti I .4 aT Amenhotep II Amenhotep IT4.4 - 4 a7 . 111 Tutankhamunimses I lv Ramses VI Simah . l Ramses Ramses ISetnakhte 1 XI UX i Ramses 4- a 1500 B.C. 1A.D. LjooojBa 2000 B.C. 3000 B.C. km 4 ..JH i III Tiiiiii.;c nuiFfiv.iid in, Ahmose I Tuthmosis I . period KQmUta archaeologist leads to the lower level. Weeks says more sarcophagus fragments are scattered in the corridor than a sign he anywhere in the tomb may be nearing where the bodies were hidden. "I would like to think," he says, "that when we get back to work ... continuing down that corridor may very well lead us to the burial chambers, which I'm still convinced are in the tomb." Already the tomb is seven times larger than surrounding royal most have fewer than a crypts and it appears to dozen rooms be the only royal mausoleum. Weeks says it's so unlike the others that he has "given up trying to second-gues- s the ancient engineers." "Every time I say, 'Well, I think this is where we ought to go because that's what we're going find,' the tomb does something completely different," he says. , Weeks first started looking for the crypt in 1987. He actually was trying to rediscover it, since its existence had long been known. It was shown on a map drawn by scholars who joined Napoleon's invasion of Egypt in 1798. A British adventurer, James Burton, saw it again in 1825. From Burton's find, it was named KV-- 5 the fifth tomb recorded in the Kings Valley, burial place of the New Kingdom Pharaohs who ruled Egypt from 1550 B.C. to 1070 B.C. In this century, the tomb was seen by Howard Carter, who disthe covered of treasure Tutankhamen. But Carter explored only a few feet, and rubble he dumped at the site from other digs obscured the tomb's exact location. So, although the tomb was known to exist, no one was certain what or who was inside. Weeks was moved to find out when plans were announced for a road over the likely site. His first Time II ...4a4a4 T T T Mvrnvntnh 1300 B.C. . t ! X ? Ramses X ff,iroi7 v Twosret Seti II ff,m,c I1IVIIVIII 1100 B.C. OuCen O His lineage The names of Ramses II and three of his sons have been found in the tomb. Ramses the Great sired at least 100 children (52 sons and 48 daughters) and lived into his 90s. Giving clues to the great pharaoh's lineage, DNA testing on mummies could determine ' age and which mother they were born to. APT. Tso Sources: American University, AP research v. Archaeologist now celebrity ' CAIRO, It's Egypt (AP) 1:30 in the morning and the phone is ringing again at Kent Weeks' (I X-- v jiJ - r - home. Someone has gotten his number and wants to ask about archaeology or chat about ancient Egypt or give unwanted advice. It's been that way since his announcement last May that he had discovered Egypt's biggest Pharaonic tomb, believed to contain the sons of Ramses the Great. A year ago Weeks was an obscure professor, but articles in magazines and television interviews changed that. but by He appreciates some no means all of the attention. "I have received two phone calls so far from a guy in California and another man in New York,' both of whom claim to be reincarnations of Ramses," Weeks says. He is thinking "of putting them both in the same locked room for an hour and see what happens." "' Weeks, 54, has gotten used to the limelight, however. He has, hired a public relations firm, the William Morris Agency. For a television interview in his Cairo ve office, he quickly takes off glasses and puts on another pair. The first pair makes him look "like a Mafia don," he says. light--sensiti- AP Photo Archaeologist Kent Weeks gestures during an interview at his office in Cairo, Egypt, last month. Whitewater report debunks conspiracy theories Whitewater is hardly my favorite subject to write about. But when the Whitewater inquiry reaches a critical turning point, as it did again last week, Americans ought to know. Congress has now received the final installment of an independent investigation into Whitewater that spanned more than two years and cost taxpayers over $4 e million. The report undermines many of the central allegations raised in Sen. Alfonse D'Amato's Whitewater hearings. It also makes clear that, however ruary. The president and I didn't ask for this inquiry, but we have cooperated in every way. Now that the Rcdham Clinton 164-pag- popular Whitewater conspiracy theories may be in Washington, they have no basis in fact. "The conspiracy theory is hopelessly flawed," the independent report concludes. Investigators reviewed tens of thousands of documents, including billing records that were discovered at the White House in early January. They combed through 49 boxes of records provided by the Rose Law Firm. They interviewed dozens of people. I answered extensive questions in writing and also was interviewed in person in mid-Fe- b t5n j$5?jt Talking it Over final results are in, we are pleased that an exhaustive and impartial investigation one divorced has from election-yea- r politics once again supported what we have said all along: The Whitewater allegations evaporate into thin air when one looks at the facts. Like the first installment of the independent Whitewater report, which was released in January, this new one was prepared on behalf of the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation by one of the nation's leading law firms. Pillsbury, Madison & Sutro. While the first report explored the Whitewater land transaction and concluded that the president and I were passive investors who lost more than $40,000 on the final report focusthe deal es on the Rose Law Firm's representation of Madison Guaranty Savings & Loan. I worked at the Rose Law Firm for 15 years. Between April 1985 and July 1986, I did a small amount of legal work for Madison Guaranty, which was acquired by our Whitewater partner, James B. McDougal, four years after we had jointly invested in the Whitewater land. Some political opponents have raised entirely unsubstantiated charges about the law firm's work on behalf of Madison. Now the independent report has laid those charges to rest. The report concludes that there was "no hint of fraud or intentional misconduct" in the way in which the Rose Law Firm was retained by Madison. It goes on to say: "The suggestion that the Madison Guaranty business was economically significant to the Clintons (or, for that matter, to the Rose Law Firm) finds no sup- port." In fact, as the report shows, the amount I personally received from the Madison legal work amounted to less than $20 a month. And over two years, the firm's fees totaled $21,000. "It simply would not be persuasive to argue that, for $21,000, McDougal corrupted the Rose Law Firm and convinced half a dozen lawyers, most of whom he did not know, to join him in a scheme to violate the law," the report concluded. Much of the work the Rose firm did for Madison involved a land development known at the time as IDC but now referred to by some as Castle Grande. A good part of the work was legal research and analysis. One day about 10 years ago, I spent two hours working on an option agreement for a portion of that land. The option was never exercised. As the report states: "A trier of fact is highly unlikely to conclude that Mrs. Clinton either knew of any wrongful purpose connected to the option (if there was one), or had the intent to aid in the commission of that hypothetical wrong." The report is also explicit in its response to allegations that important records were destroyed at the Rose Law Firm, saying: The' "files were discarded in 1988,-lonbefore Whitewater in any form became an issue. The discarding occurred in a seemingly innocent context, as part of a gen-- . eral effort to discard unneeded files." These findings are sure to dis- appoint conspiracy theorists, who have made a sport over the past few years of tossing around unsubstantiated and insupportable charges of wrongdoing. This week, the Senate is debating whether to indefinitely extend the Whitewater hearings, which have spanned over 294 days, consumed more than 200 hours of hearing time and cost over $ 1 million more than both Watergate a. and I hope members will consider the conclusions, of this independent and thorough even if they don't make inquiry Iran-contr- good political theater or good election-yea- r politics. J |