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Show '; I I2Ztti2yTiraclcly September 24, 19U What Kind of Mates i By CLARK W. BLACKBURN America General Director, Family Service Association of c with Theodore Irwin family agency some months ago, an attractive girl complained bitterly to the caseworker to whom she had come for marriage counseling. "Dan and I have been married over a year," she said, "and somehow we can't make a go of it To me, marriage was just having fun together, but instead I'm miserable I can't face doing the dishes, cleaning the house, and caring for the baby, Dan won't help at all he says that's woman's work. "You see, Mother always took care of me, buying my clothes and all that, and I never .learned how' to run a home myself. I guess neither Dan nor I was ready for married life." Unfortunately, this young woman's plaint is fairly common nowadays. The refrain "we weren't ready" or "we didn't know what marriage was all about" is heard often at the 309 local family and marriage counseling agencies affiliated with the Family Service Association of America. appear to be Outwardly, many teen-age- rs and sophisticated, but this is a facade of e. Actually, too many young about marital problems; couples are At a midwest old i 7 a fIv " t :V - f .'.' I i pseudo-knowledg- ill-infor- another person they are unab!eto foima in close relationship; and they reflect an unrealistic, glamorized image of marriage. I am inclined to agree with Mrs. James T. Parker, past national president of the Parent-Teache- rs "Association, when she says: 'Today's "teen-ager- s" get better advice on how to choose a college, a career, qr a car than they do on how to pick a husband or wife." The situation is more acute when one or both mates are under 20. Teen-age- rs are getting married and becoming parents in larger numbers and at younger ages than previous generations. Almost In half of all U. S. marriages involve a teen-age- r. ol some localities, marriages have tripled .during the past decade. As a concomitant, the divorce rate for brides under 20 is three times that of the over-a- ll national maraverage. As many as two out of five teen-ag- e riages end in separation, annulment, or divorce. And divorce rates are only a partial measure of marital failures. Clearly, these young people (and even older for this crucial stage of couples) are life. Sometimes we see a couple so naive that they marry even when the young man doesnXhavea job and they don't know where they'll live. More often, there is the tragic picture of a youthful mother and father burdened with family responsibilities before they, are equipped to handle them. ol In a recent study of 1,027 sophoTheodore B. Professor mores, Johannis, Jr., of the - . ' l '; ' ' ' - ' : , "? i 4 ; K " '" .. s r - ; 0 ' : ' t ' j ' ' " --- 1 v' - v J ... ' j ( ' ::. - '' ! ! I J I I llii- - f ' v-- & '.y. V w f Without domestic experience, where are they to learn what they should know about the essential skills, attitudes, and values of family, living? Such lack of preparedness is discernible in the new husband who was given a suggested budget by his family caseworker he was shocked at the costs of ordinary foods he had been eating all his life. Another young man spent too much money on his car, leaving his wife constantly short of cash to run the household. Presumably, girls should know something about running a household. But the Johannis study showed only about one out of four teen-ag- e girls did as much as make their own breakfast in the morning. A survey of teen-ag- e girls for the Girl Scouts revealed that more than half assumed either "no responsibility" or "light responsibility" at home. How do teen-age- rs measure up as potential ol and parents? After questioning 1,000 college seniors, Dr. O. Spurgeon English and associates at Temple University concluded: "As psychiatrists, we have been impressed with their lack of preparedness for parenthood and considerable lack of interest. Most young people assume they will know how to be adequate parents." An opinion poll of some 17,000 representative ol students from all sections of the nation, conducted by Purdue University, indicated that youngsters know little about this century's advances in child raising. For example: Pediatricians have established that babies need tender, loving care and attention to build up trust in human beings, thus forming a healthy basis for personality development. But three out of four teen-age- rs believe that "attention spoils babies" and "crying is good for babies." A child should be encouraged to develop at his own rate. Comparing one child's growth with another's can be harmful; individual differences should be accepted and respected. Yet three out of four teen-age- rs say that "a child should grow and develop at the same rate as his playmates." Experts agree that parents should answer freely a child's early questions about sex. The vast s, however, think that parents majority of should not discuss sex with their children. Among teen-ag- e boys, fewer than one out of high-scho- ' r! ) red high-scho- Ignorance Is Far from Bliss high-scho- high-scho- ill-prepa- : 4 . V self-suffici- ent lndtli University of Oregon, found that the chief responsibility of boys at home is to take care of the yard and trash "hardly central family functions for men of tomorrow." The average teen-ag- e boy generally feels he has little or no voice in family affairs. The Johannis report disclosed that fewer than one out of 10 participate in family economic activities shopping, financial planning, saving, paying bills, and the like. Fewer decisions about who will do what work around the house are made by sons than by any other family member. ffri 1 fmifiiiiri-'i-- . - nv ' .. 4 V " wives, having had little responsibility prior to marriage, are often unprepared for motherhood. Many teen-ag- e, teen-ager- This is the era of the early marriage and the early divorce; hut there's an Family Weekly, September 24, 296 |