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Show COttfcAT STttXGTW TMQU6W lOCiSTiCS Scoreboard V7 s 5(? r Skeet meet results See Page 4, please. I j a, 0 Mil March 8, 1991 Troops return; families need time to adjust by Donna Davis Hilltop Times staff writer President Bush's advice to "avoid euphoria" may be good in terms other than just the hope of lasting peace. Reunions with deployed spouses can be marked with unexpected difficulty, said Arnold T. Ellsworth, director of the Hill AFB Family Support Center. Reunion, beginning two weeks before and extending until about two months after a military member returns home, is a time of unfulfilled expectations, he said. "Before the member comes home, fantasies by the family and the military member tend to conclude that all problems will end as soon as the family is together," Mr. Ellsworth said. "You should realize there is no substitute for living together and sharing what has happened to one another. You are both different than you were when you were together." This difference should be expected and acknowledged as normal. Unreal expectations and fantasies only make the adjustment more difficult. Spouses should carefully discover what changes have occurred in each other and what directions their growth has taken, Mr. Ellsworth said. Changing rolos During a prolonged absence, roles in the home will change and a returning family member can become confused. "The military member may believe that everything will be just as it was when he or she left that he or she will be welcomed back immediately with open arms into old places and roles," Mr. Ellsworth said. "Or, the military member could be fearing inevitable change. Roles will have been taken over by other family members who may not be willing to give them up." Families can cope with role changes if the needs of the individuals and the family as a whole are openly considered. Mr. Ellsworth suggests finding out about the skills a spouse has developed during the separation. "You should express pride in their accomplishments and a willingness for things to be differently assigned," Mr. Ellsworth said. "Talk about chores and responsibilities and a fair division of the same. Don't force an unwelcome role on the person you love." Golfing roacquainffod It is equally important that those who stayed home not dump a load of problems on their spouses the minute they get home. Husbands and wives must give one another time to get to know each other again. "Remember that both of you will be different than the other remembers. It's a new beginning with a lot of common history," Mr. Ellsworth said. Ellsworth quotes a message one Vietnam wife sent Pins Workers earn longevity awards her deployed husband before he came home. "Don't expect a lot when you come home. Don't criticize my management of the household, the children or the finances. Don't hold an inspection or put out a plan of the day. "Instead be an honored guest. Enjoy being a visitor for a while and don't upset the routine. "Please take it slow with me physically court me. Let's have a honeymoon period, please!" Couples must treat each other as equals and talk to one another. "Be patient more patient than you've ever been before. Time and communication Smoking Fatal, not fashionable can eliminate a lot of what seems at the beginning to be a real problem," Mr. Ellsworth said. Hoip is available The reunion period will be characterized by children's behavior problems and low tolerance levels between spouses. Ellsworth encourages military families to use the helping agencies on base, including the Family Support Center, the Chaplain's office and the Mental Health Center. "Be realistic. It will be joyful, wonderful and difficult. Plan to be prepared and patient during the reunion period," Mr. Ellsworth said. HocEcoy Falcons win again 14 |