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Show GREENING TIMES - APRIL 1994 - 7 Castle Valley, Home But I'd rather that we avoid this tr; of a ,, Feather Magpies Magpies, the raucous, unpopular birds of the American West are large black and white land birds with long sweeping tails. These magnificent tails are longer than the bird’s bodies. During flight the flashing black and white colors are very distinctive. The American magpie with the black bill is the common magpie which we have here in Castle Valley and throughout the western states, but there is also the yellow billed magpie that is found only in the valleys of central California. Although magpies are considered to be scavengers, their food is mostly large insects, so they are a beneficial bird and we should be happy to have them make their nests nearby. Their nests are large roundish balls of sticks rather high in trees of dense foliage. When the babies finally come out of the nest they are quite noisy for awhile, begging the parent birds for food. Before the next season the babies have dispersed to outlying areas. One day last spring I was sitting on the porch watching the usual springtime activity, when the magpies at the nearby nest began a frantic chorus of “cheg! cheg! cheg! cheg!" I noticed that they would take tums reaching into the nest, which was thirty feet high, and madly pecking at something inside; I thought surely it must be a mouse or squirrel. After ten minutes of this noisy and frantic activity, something long fell to the ground with a loud thump. Upon investigation, I found a five-foot bullsnake who slowly limped off into the bushes. I hoped he hadn’t eaten all of the eggs. We feed the magpies all winter and spring and throughout the breeding season, which is generally over by the middle of June. We feed them dry dog food soaked in water, which they take and hide for future use (but I wonder if they’ll remember where they stash it).They are colorful and interesting, and if you have ever seen several of Pee Wee Herman scenario and take destiny into our own In the last issue of the Castle Valley Times, there was an article banning anyone from buying property about encouraging our friends to move who has ever been a guest on the David Letterman show, but we would most hands. We could pass an ordinance here. I thought to myself, would I want my friends to relocate here? Could Castle Valley really use a professional lounge lizard? A divorced bureaucrat with an alcohol problem? A journalist who believes that the Pope is the head of a communist conspiracy? I prefer the status quo. In order to preserve the spirit of this valley, I feel wanting to be seen in the right company—all we have to do is adopt the it's more important to discourage kind of celebrity who is held in such people from moving here. Not everybody mind you, just a Certain Type that if they came could spell the end of this valley as we know it. movie star will shrink in horror from any career-threatening photograph or Last summer I watched this Certain Type enter the valley in a white stretch limousine. Robert Duvall taking in the sights. And as the limousine faded into the dust of its own making, I had a chilling thought. What if he was out speculating? What if he bought some land, went back to Hollywood, and encouraged all his friends to do the same? Next thing you know Geena Davis buys ten acres on Bailey, Sean Penn grabs the Lowry's place, and Silvester Stallone lays down high bid on the state lands. Big Money moves in. The appraised value of our land skyrockets, and we can’t afford to pay the property tax. We are forced to sell out and move to Cisco. Look what happened to Aspen after Marty Davis moved there, to Puerto Vallarta in the wake of Elisabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, to Telluride and Jackson Hole after being discovered by Certain Types. And with the movie-making season almost upon us, this year it may be our turn. This valley is just too beautiful for its own good. To be fair, there will be benefits. Some of us will make a decent living hand-waxing Range Rovers or installing First Alert security systems, and there is big money to be made in likely run afoul of the Civil Rights Act. There are subtler methods. I suggest we adopt a celebrity instead of waiting for a celebrity to adopt us. Since movie stars are much like insecure teenagers—notorious for utter disdain that any socially aspiring news item that might link the two of them. We need to find our own fallen star, somebody like Michael Jackson or Pee Wee Herman. Imagine a real estate agent telling Tom Cruise, “You‘re not the first celebrity who has discovered this valley, Tommy. Why Pee Wee Herman owns a nice chunk of land here, and I’m sure he’s looking forward to hanging out with you." I therefore propose that we deed the community lot to Pee Wee Herman. It will belong to him in name only (I doubt if he would actually move to a remote residential community with no commericial services, not even a movie theater). This way, we could officially put up a sign next to the mail boxes: “Castle Valley, Home of Pee Wee Herman." I think it has a nice ring to it, one shrill enough to keep Hollywood at bay for at least a few years. —Charlie Kulander On KZMvavWinning of Parenting withoutvv beating your kidslvvvvvw l p.m.-3:30, Sat, Apr. 16. KMZU 89.7 after Children‘s Shine Timexwvvw vvvv Swimming Pool Maintenance. I’ll be Barbara Coloroso speaks on driving the river road every morning to discipline. conflict resolution. etc. sell Star Map guides to Castle Valley. magpies tease a dog with a bone, you will know how entertaining these little comedians can be. —Sally Rains HURRAH FOR MOMS OMGY 8 |
