| OCR Text |
Show !' 1 i 1 it J V ft I M I it WWW What a Chance! The discharged sergeant walked into the barber shop, draped himself him-self into the barber chair and without a second glance said to the barber: i "Shave and a haircut." The barber picked up the brush and started to lather the face. II j stopped in the middle of the operation, op-eration, a smile of enormous pro- ; portions spreading over his face , as he reached for the razor: j "Well," he said heartily, "If it J isn t my old sergeant! Reminder Man (describing his experience I in an earthquake) : The carta shook; cups and saucers flew all over the place! i One of his hearers: Great ; Scott! That reminds me! I for-' got to mail my wife's letter! FLATTENED OUT "So you've just got back from your holiday. Feel any change?" ' ' Not a penny . On the Side An author bought a farm In upper New York State because i he thought it would be a good i place to write. When an inquir ing neighbor asked, between spurts of tobacco juice, what crops the stranger intended to raise, the author was momentarily momentar-ily stumped. Then he happened to recall what his wife had laid about the city being no place to bring up children. "I'm going to raise chlldrei," ha said brightly. The farmer spat meditatively. "Around here," he said, "we look I on that as a sideline." A School of Fish Walking down the street with a friend one day a professor passed a large fish store where a fine catch of codfish, with mouths open and eyes staring, were arranged in a row. The professor stopped, looked at them, and, clutching his friend I by the arm, exclaimed: "Heavens, i that reminds me ... I should be teaching a class." Milestone Two soldiers lost their way. Said one: "We must be in a cemetery. Here's a gravestone." The other lit a match and re-replied, re-replied, "Yeah, he lived to the ripe old age of 108." "What's his name?" ' "Some guy named Miles from Fresno." Even Trade A vrmno Nfiprn wnmnn wna uuuamg aiiouicr yuuug wuuuui of her race of stealing her cage and canary. The accused vehcra- but the evidence was quite clear, and she was adjudged guilty. "Now, tell me, honestly," insisted in-sisted the Judge, "why did you steal that girl's cage and canary?" "Well, Your Honor," explained Lon I lei in eniDirrininj, agonizing tortures of simple piles threaten your job, or rob you of your fun when you're at play. Now you can get quick, safe, easy relief from itching, burning and other painful tonurts of simple hemorrhoids hemor-rhoids even when you're away from the privacy of your home! Thousands of pile sufferers use and praise handy, convenient Stuart's Pyramid Suppositories. Easy to use. easy to carry, easy to insert. Act instantly. Antiseptic, toothing medication reduces strait, helps tighten and draw up flabby membranes, gently lubricate lubri-cate and softens dry, hardened parts. Helps promote healing. Two sizes 60c and $1.20 with maker's money-back guarantee. Get your genuine Stuart's Pyramid suppositories at your orug store MM s pig: Av- - i i jJf f' fJi o 3 : HQPSY by Gladys Parker i At& WSfflmvy I IDOVOUWANT Y0H.VBS.MV I ' SSS J fU tkVt MK "sT WtM KSQSSS ctdon(s fiifiAft.. iUngle bites . ! T0.VVN X Y! KXflSWi.x sox m if Jffl AvyW, t-tDrmVyrt S V VN I I 7TT7 1111 WAYS' -c . , - V!-" l I I i V III A--iil If II 1 I ry . ijZjjTr1 'J '--- 4 1 ' ' ' I & I one says m s not mucn iun, dui ne represents l,-'.'.Wi'vw.fW,i' K'Kff f TyTn -; a - anau we can ineir diuu ; i i sctumj; 1- - "f " T ".' " : : : : : : i I . . A I S I S. i ,mr n v r i 'it . V -f ' Y; . , . ; , J , ' :,Y '" Ay V 1 f ' ! I LOOK WHAT I SOT V I'M SONNA TRY IT I I T I rC IT WOIKS POIFECT i I HOME-TOWN ECHOES JBy jKessler mutt and jeff By Bud Fisher I - ( I knowed MChat in&'M MUTT, ASK ME ANyTARElJyES.' "VYvfl),0 TriATWlLL 0ls. fTr : 'tJ&v K reua .s tw. )CwuzScS QUESTION AT ALL ) VoU NOW I'LL ASK YOU RIGHT.' V0tJ NOW I'LL ASK) lISP 1 SW"'AKDSy 55L. , ) -rett v feWv H ANcuapp ,T t'l I IP VOU CAN'T hi 1 fvSK WE UP? I Uml iAlGU ? tf . - -7X1? TC" ' H' eiVEYOUTENl ANSWER ITYOU KONEZh IS UP? - vfi j'ZKg.? .7 k? .a' tn-i; iMC-:r tfa .wax -.im sr 'jl-? LITTLE REGGIE " By Margarita j WM?',?Clim. I - tr-T- IbUVtK, YUUU DCiicrx OJAYH KUnHUb WATCH 1 AKt rtKrtLILYrv 1 fl f . 2 r m.ALjXft L ''13 SEMPTr- HERE IN YOUR ROOM. rr I vlT SPEED MX GORGEOUS, MRS . l 1 ! gpe ituNrL w su, h s;-r . m x-f -a r 1 y.i iwr rAaJi rr-n y n sir t.wc j rsT z a , 1 - 1 - w v awcr - 1 111 11 k j r 1 1 s 1 m. -w s it, v ' w 1 i w Air - i ; I -T : C-srss: Vil AtV.T? A J 1 X. J 11 f II fir T 1 I I T-.. sJ M I V VI 'tV f MTTICI HI AMC II n a' T 1 L fll -1, ' . ; I M II y' f JF BkT I II I g7-T--rv.i ii 3 - i ' : ; ii . .. . i II I 1 I n a II I ' . I JITTFR oy rtnnur roinicr LAUGHING STOCK By Frank Adams gfgg. 'M: S ii 11 w Ml pi 11 ill ill ggiigy lf rrVT) IJFirMffl i REG'LAR FELLERS By Gene Byrnes i -i' I m :.v,- r?H C-V i i r : n II - - ' ' J L---"" Jt-Z,f, S 1 V 1 A AR6YMINT-. V ICANTTEll, V I 50MEPIN TO W.U fiET A THINS ABOUT IX )v i Of A NINCH TALLER N JLt ic--3Af X - l. V I WHCiw mmo-Jy measure. scwpin- ) I axou kin put -em huriwup. vobao&v.' LU Vy ' ft! j w r CI ! ' t- py-: 11 - I L'V 1) VIRGIL ByLenKleU -rf f -i f WE'RE 60IM6T0 I A XXI LOOK SAO OA, NO- I V 'V7i? "tYCAN MAKt -wwj I xsJsP HAVE DATES, WE ( VELOCIPEDE" DID MX) HAVE A I BUT 5M I THATS A ' S i' Vv THIMK MDUVE L0N&E0 l . Sw -v i Simply must hsje a j l mikt have a. fihtwith I hasmeS funmvthim6 ) Mr all vour life for v i Z. I VELCClPEOE -TELL f VELOCIPEDE CONNA? WORRIED ) S ABOUT WOMEN- ) V S0METHIW& VOUVE i ; V0U FATHER AL ' ' L-,- f NEVEft EVEN HEARD ) "I'm looking for something inspirational liiPinl fff f& -:i5C 1 Jr-15 I Mr, J,n,-They it cost the ..... K... m .1 iVJ n Lnnt HiilLmJSflU .1 fcViJ Mrs. Junes -They say it cost the Newru'h's a thousand dollars to have their family tree looked up. Mr. Junes In 'a way. yes it cost them a hundred to have it looked up iind nine hundred to have it hushed up. Vicious Clrrle "Well. Hi'rry, what are you doing do-ing those days?" asked the long-absent long-absent friend. "Advertising," Harry replied with a wry srmle. Still engaged in perpetual per-petual motion." "Fcrpetuul motion?"; "Yes, I make my money writing writ-ing advertisements for women's stores, and tlu ii my wife and daughters daugh-ters read the advertisements and 1 have to give them the money so they can buy the things 1 advertise." Jy i - L8SfT I tWfl -11 WWW r it in i i i - 's nj a ivi t . . rv r.miii nuinmi ir X- rf MnW '. FROM PROFESSOR AND SEE IF IT X VmmJ T Imm L , . -s TOMTH MV af Ci I J V IE 1 VY faWA "-s.A A riiiUfrtr i i. i 2sA3j Sa?N cs-sssh . -7feBi anH' " " 'ike bl rWaSlUU B"--! f7l H Life Is Fleeting Sorority Girl I'm turning in early ear-ly as I don't feel well. Roommate I hope you'll feel better, bet-ter, tomorrow. Sorority Girl - lHi. I guess I'll live, but there's no use doing any study' ing tonight unless I'm sure." That's lMfferent "I'm writing to Bill he's serving on an island m th- Pacific." "Which island V "Alcatraz." TrH M I AV-A.i In TOO BUOY I 1 Va II 1 Pi-vVS , K'J s. : SILENT SAfI By Jeff Haye i n r- I I 77. 1 v i !"W32r A 7 5 Almanacs Long-Lived iii U.S.; One in 250th Year Among the oldest publications in the United States are the local almanacs al-manacs the contents of which appeal ap-peal chiefly to farmers, says Collier's. Col-lier's. For example, Gruber's Hagers-y town Almanac is now in it3 149th Tl year, the Old Farmer's Almana 9 in its 154th, Daboll's New England 1 . Almanac in its 174th and Foul-sham's Foul-sham's Almanack in its 250th year. Subiims Jo jUdkulnuA A slightly tipsy gentleman walked into the telegraph office, took a pencil, spent three or four minutes in deep thought, and wrote this message to a friend in St. Louis: "Tra la, tra la, tra la, tra la." Hp siened it and Dresented it to the lady behind the counter. After checking it, she satd: "That will be 64 cents." The gentleman paid her and she said: "You used only eight words." "What would you suggest add ing?" he finally asked. "Well, how about just adding 'tra la,' " she said. "No," he said firmly, "that would just make it sound silly." The Prize-Winning Crocheted Runner Pattern No. 5308 THIS exquisite crocheted run- ner was made in Louisville, Kentucky, and won the prize in a nation-wide crochet contest. It' 20 by 9' inches and can be used as a dining table runner, buffet run-" ner or on a bedroom dresser. To nbtata eomnlete erochetinff instruc tions for the Prize Winning Runner (Pat tern no. 33oa sena cents m com. your name, address and the pattern number. SEWING CIRCLE NEEDLEWORK 530 Souti Wells St. Chicago 7, Ul. Enclose 20 cents for pattern. No ; Name This Home-Mixed Cough Relief Is TruSy Surprising So Easy. No Cooking. Big Saving. You may not know it, but, in your own kitchen, you can easily prepare a really surprising; relief for cougha due to colds. It's old-fashioned your mother probably used it but for real results, it's hard to beat. First, make a syrup by stirring 1 cups granulated sugar and one cup of water a few moments, until dissolved. dis-solved. No cooking needed. It's no trouble. Or you can use corn syrup or liquid honey, instead of sugar syrup. Then get 2 ounces of Pinex from any druggist. This is a special compound com-pound of proven ingredients, in concentrated con-centrated form, well known for quick action la throat and bronchial irritations. Put the Pinex into a pint bottle, and fill up with your syrup. Thus you make a full pint of splendid cough syrup, and you get about four times as much for your money. It never spoils. Children love its pleasant taste. And for quick relief, It's a wonder. It loosens the phlegm, soothes the irritated irri-tated membranes, eases the soreness, makes breathing easy, and lets you get restful sleep. Just try it, and if not pleased, your money will be refunded. hr firmer grip when others sllp ask for SOLES as well as Heels by OSullivQn 4 w V: :-"-;:U..5 5.2f ". i ;"::::' ;!v.'iV. V,. :":!:. IsSSif ."' ":!fc"--j!l. V;'. J iS...r;,?.V.t?V:KtSr V:V;V:V:r;,Vt'!''''V!-'!U;:.!W'f "l:HsU: '':t. A." "A'.; Rf"'r5-' ..stSiil V.tV'."! ,!ll,-.Jv kMMIMllil WJintf.wMlr,' vjfli |
