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Show i . i:- ! f - js. V t J 4 .t f SAME OLD SPIEL Down in a certain southern courthouse court-house fixture of many years' standing Is a whimsical old court reporter named Henry Williker. II Henry sometimes appears to be carrying car-rying on his work with a bored and listless air it is because most at what be U called upon to put down In bis shorthand books has long since come to be old stuff to him. ' One lazy, summer afternoon, a Judge was charging a jury, reeling off the legal flapdoodle with unwanted unwant-ed rapidity, when he was attracted by the lackadaisical manner of the old court reporter. He kept glancing glanc-ing at Henry, as he dawdled over his work, and finally interrupted himself him-self to ask: "Mr. Williker, are you getting my words down correctly?" "Sure, judge," was the placid rejoinder, re-joinder, "fir away. I'm about fifteen fif-teen words ahead of you right nowl" HARD TO KILL Jane was not quite three years old when she walked through the kitchen, fine day and observed her aunt dyeing a dress. "Aunt Cenevlve, what are you doing?" do-ing?" queried the tot , Told that she wai dyeing a dress, and that It had to sit to not water seemed to satisfy Jane for the moment mo-ment and she ran Into the yard to play. Returning about 20 minutes later, Jane asked with bewildered expression ex-pression on her little face. "Gee, Aunt Cenevlve, Isn't that dress dead yet?" ' - ''nii't Raw -'Joke Newly wed Mary wrinkled her . nose and puckered her Hpe In dls ' ' taste. Holding the artichoke leaf daintily In her two fingers above the auce bow), she looked accusingly at , her new husband. "I told you, Jim, these artichokes were too green." , "But. dear.'! said the perplexed fellow, looking in equal distaste at the segment he held, ."the man told me . (then a bright thought struck him) . . maybe they aren't cooked enough."-- - ' V'Oh," declared the amazed little bride, "do you have to cook them?" V t Short But Bweef - V vi;". v,u iruig iv, wmiu5r of "Wingate'e Raiders," v who was killed In a Burma plane crash, waa standing at the rail of a liner when a beautiful Scottish girl approached hlra and said: "You are the man I am going to marry."- 1 ' He looked at her in amused surprise. sur-prise. Right," he said. "When?" Two years later Wlngate received letter, containing Just one word, "Now." " . And ao they were married. Marking the 'Spot .After Intermission, a man and his wife were returning to their theater seat. - The man asked a lady sitting sit-ting at the end of the row, "Did I step on your toot at I went out?" Expecting an apology, the lady sternly replied: "Yes, you did." The m am. turned to his wife. "Okay, Helen," he said, "this is our row." UNNECESSARY n would like," said the lady, "a nice book tor en Invalid." "Yes, madam," said the clerk. "Something religious?" I TEr-no." replied the lady; "the doctor told hint this morning he waa going to get weu." . No Water Needed A, puncher from way out on the range came in to town, went to a hotel end registered for the first time in his life;. The clerk asked: "Would you like a room with running run-ning water?" 4' The old eowpuncher looked at him i rather carefully and said: "No, what do you think. I am, a trout?". Counter-irritant The hest way to forget all your other troubles is to Wear a pair of .tight shoes.- --'.'v'j.' ' - ' "y If BOBBY SOX Marty IMS "IIow much would NANCY MRS. ADAMS I'M ASKINS ALL THE NEIGHBORS TO SIGN PETITION 7 MUTT AND JEFF (WHAT'S IT) Vj,BOUT f J J f IM A FEW MINUTES MUTxYf I Wt LU EE OUT THERE IM I ITHE woods wrm THE grrvReST OFTHS ARE THEY HUNTING M0CSE7, LITTLE REGGIE 1 J1 ; S rrSu IWWlfL (!JMi83V--s h-&r&S'3 ) 1 p VIRGIL ByLenKleU RBZZ IInowthem-s JlmeoTTHEeoxsoN I J fTU most peculiar SI1NTAM " ' ' BrJeSHm Xtafctt RfPAIf tHTr- It cost to frame this Is neon?" IT'S TO FORCE THE POLICE TO STOP A NUISANCE- ON THIS STREET NOPE! THEY LI N CArTT HUNT Moose how THEVlREOUT OF 6EAS0NI II TrtEM 1 AfiaAOl U T1AT f VTrtjNSJ nA.epooi v?i pii a.1 m vak.sr ii t(f i ' v fcju.. it j I H1 ET" M v CROSS TOWN By Roland Coe) 'Til ten you what! WHAT IS THIS NUi'SANCE THAT VOU'RE TRYING TO STOP? IT'S AGOODPfli rvwiE is uui. OP SEASON' r&ri&t PRACTICING zMf-Xl kki l every oayk mm IS. -r W'ii I rju.J'-wl " Let's go downtown and stand in line for something." By Ernie Bmhmiller By Bud Fisher TH I l AY AWI Bv Marcarira Mrs. Jones was enrolling her six- i-a vinilarsarlen. The teacher asked the usual questions. jjoes ule ooy uavu brothers?" "No." "Younger brothers?" "No." "Older sisters?" "No." "Younger sisters?" "No." By this time, the boy had becomt verv aelfonscious and finally said defensively:. "But I've got friends." MODERN EDUCATION Michael had taken a rather strong dislike to kindergarten. All persuasion persua-sion failed and his mother in desperation des-peration told him firmly that he would have to go. "AH right, mother," retorted MichaeL "If you want me to grow up into a darn bead stringer, I'll go." Brilliance To Pro! Lewis B. Paton, noted student of Semitic archaeology, came a bright young woman, seeking seek-ing information. "Professor," she explained, "we are arranging a series of tableaus for the benefit of our church. One scene' represents Noah and his family fam-ily in the cabin of the ark. Now, professor, I want to ask you what sort of light Noah had in his cabin?" "Well," replied the professor, after some reflection, "I have no definite information on the point you have raised, so I can offer only conjecture. Suppose you use arc lights." Logical Answer A father was out for a Sunday morning walk with his two-year-old daughter. After about three or four blocks the little feet got tired and stopped. Thinking, to impress his daughter with the distance from home and mother, the father said: "I bet you do not know where you are now." "Yes, I do," said the daughter. "Where?" said the father. I "Bight here," was the reply. No Seaman Teacher What do you know about George Washington, Abner? No answer from Abner. Teacher Well, was he a soldier or e sailor? Abner He was a soldier. Teacher And how do you know that? Abner I saw picture of him crossing the Delaware and any sailor sail-or knows more than to stand up In a boat that size. Interrogation Point The poet Pope was a small, bent man, with a taste for cruel, sardonic sar-donic humor. One day he sneered at a certain young man who had come to him in search of information. informa-tion. "Do you know what an interrogation interroga-tion is?" the poet demanded. "Yes," the young man retorted, giving glare for glare; "it is a little crooked thing that asks questions." ques-tions." A HOT STOBY "l Just read in a book that paper can be used to keep a person warm." "So I know. I had a mortgage that kept me sweating for ten years." A Short Trip An English soldier and a-German prisoner were sitting together in the desert The Englishman asked: "What will you do when the war is ended?" "Oh," replied the German, "I will take a trip on my bicycle all around Germany." "Yes," answered the Englishman, English-man, "but what will you do in the afternoon?" Might Drink It Diner I can't eat this soup. Waiter-rn can the manager. Diner (when manager arrives) -This soup, I can't eat it Manager-I regret that; TCI fetch thechet'' Diner (when chef arrives) 1 can't eat this soup. ; ' Chet-What's the matter with It? Diner Nothing; I ain't got e spoon. - Fun Set Needed 'Tm stepping out tonight Baring Bar-ing dinner with the upper set". - ws tuwer lei, too, dear The steak rnlght be tough." SEWING CIRCLE Juniors oCide Utvo-jptece JroJty 8046 III Flatters Mature Figure . niWBYYR T A RT .IT! nraotipal and neat-as-a-pin home frock for day-long charm, note tne unusual yoke treatment, the smooth lines so flattering to the more mature figure. Try it in brightly hued stripe with novelty buttons in a contrasting shade. w Pattern No. CMS la deafened for sizes 34, 36, 38, 40. 42. 44. 48, 48 and 60. Size 36 requires S yards of 35 or 39-inch fabric. Heavyweight Champa Among America's professional wrestlers today, more than 25 claim to' be "The World' Heavyweight Heavy-weight Champion" and at least a dozen employ the title of "Angel," sucn as the irisn Angei, tne French Angel and the Swedish Angel. Home-Town Echoes BACK ASAIMA FUNGUS? WHAT 15 IT YOU WANT THI5TIM5? mvmrsiDBoi&owX 4EGSS,2CUP$OF SUSAR AND FLOUR 1THISI5VOUR 35? trip: ARE you SURE THATSALL? PATTERNS 11-18 Teen Age Two-Pleen OOD season after season b h becoming two-piece drs Right for every occasion, wim difficult for the tees-age sewer t whip up. This attractivs tersk-has tersk-has a button-front blouse wit youthful slit neckline and' flared peplum to accent a dolUfe waist. Pattern No. 1531 comes ta ibottc id, n, id ana 10. size iz, OlOUSe, mini of 35 or 39-inch; skirt. 1 jardi SEWING CIRCLE PATTERN SIR. 10 Mlision St, Saa EtutlKVCitt Enclose 25 cents Is coin te act pattern desired. Pattern No. an - Name i Address- By C. Kessler VB VS MOVED CVEg-OM THS OWER SIDE OP "WS TRACK?- I limki&ssggi ssi Hsr lis r riii vim wm.4 |