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Show Vernal Express Wednesday, May 27, 1998 17 ' "jf i Mental Health byDr. Val Farmer Living together is a part of the problem 1 r II-' 11 II Tyler Zufelt Zufelt called to Washington Tyler R. Zufelt, son of Rick and Janet Zufelt, has been called to serve a two-year mission for the LDS Church in Seattle, Washington. He will speak May 31 at Davis 4th Ward, 1500 E. 4000 S. at 10:50 a.m. Zufelt will enter the Missionary Training Center June 3. Julie Bonnie Bonnie earns scholarship Julie Bonnie has been awarded an all-college scholarship from Aid Association for Lutherans (AAL). The scholarship is for $2,000 ($500 for each of four years). Bonnie is one of 1,700 graduating high school seniors to receive an AAL all-college scholarship During her high school years, Bonnie has been nominated into "Who's Who" three times and maintained a 4.0 GPA, graduating valedictorian. The 1998 all-college scholarship recipients were chosen from more than 6,000 applicants by ACT recognition program services, a leader in scholarship support services. ser-vices. Selection was based on academic aca-demic record, leadership qualities, church and community involvement, involve-ment, and extracurricular activities. Bonnie, the daughter of Mark and Cheryl Bonnie of Vernal, will attend at-tend the University of Utah, majoring major-ing in computer science. She is currently cur-rently employed with 7-11 Stores. AAL is a fraternal benefit society of 1.7 million Lutherans joined together to-gether for insurance, education and volunteer opportunities. mi mnmiiMii mi iiMMJimriiii . il Open 7 Days A Week! Serving.... Italian Sodas Smoothies Lattes Bagel Sandwiches Cappucinnos Hot Chocolate Coffee Chai Tea Congratulations Seniors! "Open Late',N y Graduation Night, Friday, May 29 J 1 147 w. Hwy. 40 Vernal 789-9793 Located next to Creative Trends in the Kmart Plaza It's Planting Time! : ATM SPLIT MOUNTAIN f GARDEN JUVJ Veil 1C11C3 Ul lvlli"iiio ., Annual Flowers Trees & Shrubs Herbs Haheine Baskets Vegetable Starts Onion Strawberry & Matthew Bambrough Bambrough returns from Phoenix Matthew Bambrough, son of Dee and Shelley Bambrough, will return May 27 from serving one-year for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the Phoenix, Arizona Mission. He will speak May 31 at Glines 2nd Ward, 1510 W. U.S. Highway 40 at 10:50 a.m. Amber Vickrey Vickrey earns nomination to Who's Who Amber Vickrey, daughter of Scott and Gayle Vickrey of Vernal, has been nominated and accepted for the third year in a row to "Who's Who Among American High School Students." Only five percent of all 'high school students receive this award. Vickrey has been a member of the National Jr. Honor Society for two years and the National Honor Society for three years. She maintained a cumulative GPA of 3.74 and has received the Bronze medallion. She has been in jazz and modern dance for 1 1 years and is currently taking ballet. Vickrey has performed solo competitions com-petitions throughout the states of Utah and Idaho during her senior year. She recently placed first in jazz solo competition at the 1998 Rocky Mountain Championships. As a member of the Uintah High Uettes she was awarded the Uette of the Year. Vickrey will be attending Mesa State College in Grand Junction, Colo., this fall. She plans to continue contin-ue her career in dance as well study psychology. mi tin 'unit "in hi tun (KM i CENTER Peonies Hostas Sets Corn & Beans Rhubarb Hants i f ' 1: William Barton Barton called to Maryland William Buckley Barton, son of John and Patricia Barton, grandson of Marvella Wilkinson and Jack and Donna Barton of Altamont, has been called to serve a two-year mission mis-sion for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the Baltimore, Maryland Mission. He spoke May 24 in the Naples 2nd ward and will enter the Missionary Training Center June 10. ,. y . , Alenea Gray McCormick ' Hannah Wilier Connor Oaks Congratulations Congratulations to the following babies for passing their first milestone: mile-stone: Conner Ray Oaks, son of J.R. and Amanda Oaks, born May 7, 1997. Alenea Jacklyn Gray, daughter of Casey and Alene Gray, born May 14, 1997. Hannah Olivia Wilier, daughter of Rhadd and Jamee Wilier, born May 26, 1997. McKayla McCormick, daughter of Corey and Jeremiah McCormick born May 28, 1997. Golden Age News by Brenda Foster Fenstermaker wins first place Winners at bingo Tuesday, May 19, were Neta Fenstermaker first place with five games, in second place Wilma Zollcr, Ada Murray, and Jean Staten winning three games each. Winners at bingo Friday, May 22, were Myril Bodily, Thelma Bradford and Lorraine Keele all winning four games each. Second place went to Loran Holmes, June Zellmer, Hoylc Robinson and Vcnna Barrett each winning three games each. Tuesday, June 2, Legal Services, will be at the Golden Age Center to speak during lunch and then afterwards after-wards they will be doing individual legal counseling on wills, living trusts, guardianship matters, living wills and deeds. To make an appointment, ap-pointment, call the Golden Age Center at 789-2169. if' " I u ' 4'-' S "0 1 J ' i i ! lY It r ifS :- Qeme ceLBiate with uj at ;.1 I K. C. OPTICAL I r0 V H I tt, VV. mail l - voinai r: 6 M s-KsaaK M j -jT-n l m "iv m mm w w hii j . ;i rn -r- i . - You have to understand Derek (all names used are fictitious). He is a recent high school graduate. So is his girlfriend and high school sweetheart, Sylvia. Derek is a fun-loving fun-loving young man who has a hard time giving up his freedom and adolescent attitudes. Why does he have to? Isn't he technically still a teenager? There is one major complication. Sylvia and Derek live together. They did OK as a couple until Sylvia had a baby. Then problems intensified and they started fighting. They had different expectations for each other and their new parental responsibilities. All the values Sylvia absorbed in her parent's home were coming home to roost. She no longer wanted want-ed to run, drink or party with her single friends. Sylvia wanted the closeness of hearth and home. She wanted an attentive and cooperative husband who was devoted to her and their son. She wanted a husband hus-band who would show enthusiasm for their relationship. Their son pushed Sylvia into the world of adult responsibilities. responsibili-ties. It was a step she was ready for. Derek was used to getting his way and had a hard time putting Sylvia and his son first in his life. Sylvia had grown. Derek was still struggling strug-gling between the adult world and the carefree life of a young man in his late teens. Derek didn't want to change. He liked being with his single friends, drinking and having fun. He drank, carried on and wouldn't come home when he said he would. He would lie to avoid conflict." He wanted Sylvia to come along though the atmosphere and his friends no longer appealed to her. Repeatedly left alone, Sylvia became be-came indignant and resentful. She felt that Derek was dumping the responsibilities re-sponsibilities of their son and home on her. She was hurt and offended. She didn't mind giving him grief whenever he let her down. Newborns May 17, 1998 a son was born to Lynette and Kory Kunz. He weighed 7 lbs. 11 oz. and will be named Isaac Andrew Kunz. May 19, 1998 a daughter was born to Tiffany and Chad Rogers. She weighed 6 lbs. 8 oz. and will be named Janden Mikel Mari Rogers. May 20, 1998 a son was born to Kassie and Gary Hazel. He weighed 10 lbs. 9 oz. and will be named Derick Reed Hazel. May 20, 1998 a daughter was born to Pauline and Todd Roberts. She weighed 6 lbs. 15 oz. and will be named Macady Beth Roberts. May 21, 1998 a son was born to Ilene and Troy Losee. He weighed 7 lbs. 5 oz. and will be named Brandon Gregory Losee. May 21, 1998 a daughter was born to Judy and Alen Huber. She weighed 8 lbs. 3 oz. and will be named Clara Anne Huber. May 23, 1998 a daughter was born to Christina and Phil Daggett. She weighed 6 lbs. 15 oz. and will be named Paige Helene Daggett. I V f Hi Imagining the worst, she saw Derek as drinking too much and perhaps being unfaithful. Derek saw her accusations ac-cusations as unfounded and irrational. irra-tional. How did Derek react to his girlfriend's girl-friend's anger? The more she said, the more he resisted her. He didn't want to compromise his freedom. He believed in a "boy's night out" and saw their activities as harmless. He felt she was too controlling and resented the implication he had a drinking problem or could be unfaithful. un-faithful. Derek began to react to Sylvia like she was a mother figure. He had clashed with his mother during high school and had learned to ignore ig-nore her. Derek didn't like being accountable. Because they weren't married, their repeated clashes threatened the stability of their relationship. Their lack of commitment complicated compli-cated any efforts to resolve the issue. is-sue. Each grew more wary of the other as a potential mate though they knew they were linked by their parental responsibilities. Derek and Sylvia were "playing house" and enjoying the benefits of a living together arrangement without with-out the security of total acceptance and commitment. Their relationship was subject to the buffeting of normal nor-mal differences and poor problem solving skills. They loved each other oth-er but their inability to resolve this one argument threatened to split them apart permanently. Is this an unusual situation? Not if you consider that 50 percent of all couples have had a living together to-gether arrangement before marriage. mar-riage. Forty percent of "living together" to-gether" couples don't make it to the altar. Those who do marry have a higher divorce rate then those who never lived together before marriage. mar-riage. Young couples don't realize how much commitment is necessary to work out important differences. m ffi MM? CM "Summer Breeze" as shown 16-Gauge Steel Frame Powder Coated Paint Brass Deadbolt Lockset Interchangeable GlassScreen Tempered Glass THE BEST DEAL OF THE YEAR! LIMITED QUANTITIES HSR Jones tfJ PAINT & GLASS 543 N. Vernal Ave. 789-3241 5' J i -I They hold back conflict for fear of threatening their relationship. They postpone too many discussions and those that do sneak through become sticking points upon which the future fu-ture of their relationship rests. Children suffer. They deserve a loving, two-parent family. If a couple cou-ple has a child together, what else are they waiting for? If they are going go-ing to be a family, they need to get married and build a strong foundation founda-tion that will help everyone. If there are serious doubts about their readiness readi-ness or their partner's suitability as a committed marriage partner, then the couple should break up. How can Derek and Sylvia work things out? Most living-together couples probably don't seek counseling. coun-seling. If they did, they could get help in negotiating a compromise, reducing fears and learning how to nurture one another better. They probably need help with communication communi-cation skills. They could shift their social life to finding and enjoying friends as a couple. Derek needs to come to terms about whether he is single or not. The issue of freedom and autonomy is a touchy one, even in new marriages. mar-riages. Derek needs to figure out how to enjoy his male friends after he has learned to put Sylvia and their son first in his life. If a couple loves one another enough to have a child together, they need to cement their relationship relation-ship with marriage. If they want a fighting chance at making a good home for their child, they marry and work out the problems as they come up. Without commitment, ordinary or-dinary problems become extraordinary extraordi-nary - enough to destroy the stability stabili-ty of a special friendship. For past columns on problems of living together couples, send as self-addressed, stamped envelope to "Living Together," The Preston Connection, PO Box 9125, Rapid City, S.D. 57709. White or Black 32" or 36" x 80" Lifetime Frame Warranty Double Doors & Sidelights Available Prompt Installation Additional SAVE $100 95 Reg. $399.95 . .mm MKsMBkiJ 1 nnKini) ATTTT ATTONS Lab On Premises 20 Years Experience Licensed Opticians Call today for an appointment! 789-0359 1998 GRADUATES! J 789-5512 9122 E. Hwy 40 in Jensen Open Mon.-Sat. 9-6, iun. 1-5 I 17 |