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Show Mark My Words Prestige: A Broken Leg The ultimate goal of every skier is a serious injury. He practices to develop the skill to attain it, and spends hundreds of dollars on . the proper clothing to look good when he achieves it. When there are avalanche warnings on the radio, he leaves school early to beat the traffic to' the resort because today might be his unlucky day. IT IS A HAPPY man who cracks a rib or twists a knee. A broken leg is the ideal injury, because it requires a crutch,, castj, or both and advertises the wound with poetic force. A student who couldn't get invited to a holdup can become a community personality by wrenching wrench-ing an elbow. A disabled skier is revered in awe as though he had single-handedly tumbled the walls of Jericho. There is one catch. All injuries must be authentic. A feigned or deliberate one can result in the banishment of the offender. The object ob-ject is to 'get' hurt, "but by flirting with danger not slapping its face. A man who fakes an affliction is a coward, and a man who methodically method-ically smashes into a tree is a grandstander. Cowards and grandstanders ' never make champions and should not be tolerated in any sport. However, How-ever, it is becoming more and more difficult to detect the cheaters. I suggest that a National Ski Injury Competition be organized, where potential cripples could perform before knowledgeable judges. A point system would be established, with points given according to the circumstances and degree of the injury; A sprained sprain-ed ankle on the slalom would garner two points, while a broken neck suffered in a fall from a lift would be penalized five points due to its amateur nature. The individual who racks up the most points (or gets up the most) would win free Blue Cross hospitalization. The prize may have to be awarded posthumously, in which case the winner would receive a hero's burial, a martyr's fame, and would be an undying inspiration to the nation's youth. THIS PLAN MAY NOT be immediately popular with my ski-mad ski-mad friends who feel it unfair to describe them as masochists with a subconscious desire for suicide who lack the courage to shoot themselves. them-selves. Perhaps they have a point. 'Skiing is actually a religion, which is as mystical and fervent as any Eastern cult and demands the same blind submission from its adherents. It is the supreme law in winter, and sacrificed during the lent of summer only to be courted more fiercely when the mountains again turn white. |
