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Show Pae 7 Alcibiades' Settles All -American Situation THE SIGNPOST SIGNPOST SCRIBE SELECTS ELEVEN EGREGIOUS EMULATORS Silence! Where once the maddened or hilarious cries of football frenzied multitudes reverberated throughout the cheer-shocked stadiums of the nations . . . now only silence reigns. Where once mothers and fathers and sisters and mothers and fathers and sweethearts and brothers and mothers and fathers strained tonsils to cheer charging champion quarterbacks and tackles and guards and tackles and ends and tackles on to victory . . . now only the faint echoing murmurings of cartwheel-turning cheer leaders wrend the chilly ozone of the gridirons of our separable union. Where once greying,hair-tearing coaches stamped the stubborn green turf in front of countless benches, and square-jawed, steely eyed substitutes gnashed their teeth while warming up to replace fallen, bone-broken heroes . . . now only the frosted stubble of once-verdant sward remains as salient reminder of cavorting, clicking heels and spiraling pigskins. Ah! But not only the screaming newspaper headlines of the scrap-books of vainglorious ball toters, not only the retrospective memories of (other) rampant sports writers (striking pay dirt for 6 points, flinging passes to all corners of the striped sward, ". . . kicking, charging bucking savagely, the Untamed Felines of W. C. ran to proud, stately sail-boaters, Ricks Vikings aground today to the tune of 16-6") not only the memory of cigar-smoking alumni at homecoming, ruddy-cheeked, banner-waving coeds swarming around chesty halfbacks, not only the never to be forgotten memories of the do-or-die antics of the hundreds of football heroes, big and small, farmers and millionaires sons, miners and ministers, not only the countless images of the just-completed season remain with us . . . We have in addition the Rose Bowl, the Orange Bowl, the Sugar Bowl, the Cotton Bowl, the Finger Bowl, Phoenix's Snowball, and the smoky fire and brimstone Christmas-day battle in Grandpa's-pipe bowl. We have in addition the All-American teams of the United Press, the Associated Press, Colliers, Hearst newspapers, New York World Telegram; New York Sun, college football captains, a national poll of sports writers, The All-America Football Board. And last, but not least, we have the official Ail-American team chosen by Alcibiades: after months of suderiferous aspiration, Alcibiades that indefatigable phledg-matic, the backbone of the Signpost staff, the very acme of journalistic perfections, offers the real All-American eleven of gridiron stalwarts. KLKVE X KG 1 1 K("i IOVS KMlLATOllS: Ends M a c k ec h o w i c ., W i U a i n o v a : Stretching his six feet and four inches of brawn into the autumn air this wiry stalwart romped unchecked over the ovaled stadiums of the south, catching passes, scoring dozens of points, and surpassing the performance of every left winger in the country although pressed hard by the omnipotent EVERYTHING IN MUSIC AT Glen Brothers Music Co. 2546 Washington Blvd. pass snagger, Smith of Mithithip-pee.Scrainolovitcli, Grub Stake V. : A hardy product of the northland, this 165 pound demon has terrorized teams of the Big Lug conference this year with his savage blocking and tackling, a fine exponent of the - show - must - go-on type of football. Scram-etc. was pushed hard for his All-America rating by that sunflower of the south, Jones of Backwash A. C, whose scintillating performances of this year have a'mazed Cain-tucky Colonel Criti. Tackles Jjoinpoiuptcliollo, Doubtinoutli: Scampering heck-bent for election over the grasses of mid-western fields this 226 pound tackle has put these skids under many a potential All-American. His antics are not confined to the gridiron, however, he passed his pshche test, and shakes up a mean hamburger at Joes's corner of 25th and Wrinford, at Salem, Mass. Brown, a cold and calculating player from Spittsburgh, offered his competition to Lompy but was disqualified for dunking his doughnuts. Casanova, 'Xother Dame: A fine running mate for Lompy, this gargantuan Swineskinner is known for his puns; he says, "My girl wants to go out with Mussolini because she heard he was the Fascist man in town." "Cassy," the Gable of the Gridiron, and the best looking man on the team, was chosen G. G. F. (God's Gift to Femininity) by the C. A. M. P. (Coeds Assn. for the Appreciation of Masculine Pulchritude.) We don't like good lookers very much and would have chosen Smith, Mithithippee, except that he voted for hoover. Center Itch, Accidental: This blond battering ram scratched pay dirt (and himself) many times during the season. In the words of Joe Zilch, his coach: "Itchy was all over the field at once, and for some reason or another his opponents avoided personal contact with him." Bundy of Bergundy had a perfect record until he told the joke about "Who was that lady I saw you with last night?"; the funeral is Monday. Guards Xerchy, Kclaimoyus: This dynamic atom (145 pounds) was a veritable fly in the soup of Big Men Conference opponents this year. He was the only unanimous choice on the team on accounta he is so innocent "he thinks Vat 6 9 is the Pope's telephone number." He was closely pushed for his guard position by Jones of Backwash, whose timely defensive work held the powerful Minnehaha squad to a polka dot tie. lMnunpikilopolus, Mizzery: Gets the nod by a hair over Brown of Spittsburgh Brown is bald. When asked what he would do if the opponents had the ball on his team's five year line, first down and goal to go, Pippy answered: "I'd move the bench down farther so I could see the play." Quarterback I'edrolokincvenof, A ridzona : This boy, after bruising and bumping the toughest linemen in the ALCIBIADES' ALL-AMERICAN TEAM First Team Position Second Team Mackiechowicz End Smith Villainova Mithithippee Scramolovitch End Jones Grub Stake U Backwash A. C. Lompompocholo Tackle Brown Doubtmouth Spittsburgh Casanova Tackle Smith 'Nother Dame (c) Mithithippee Itch Center Bundy Accidental Bergundy Xerchy Guard Jones Eelannoyus Backwash A. C. Pedrolokinevenof Guard Brown Aridzona Spittsburgh (c) Svidrigaillberg Quarter Smith Idano Mithithippee Malopropistic Half Jones Painstillennia Backwash A. C. Pippapanikilopolus Half Brown Mizzury Spittsburgh Goodmanyoubet Full. Smith B. I. U. Cough Drop Tech. (Ha, ha, fooled ya!) Substitutes Guards: Smith, Brown, Jones; Left outs: Landon of Kansas, Robert Taylor of Hollywood (or would she?); Quarterbacks: Smallchange of Tax Taken; End (of) John L. Lewis of CIO; Holdbacks; Renell and Polidor of W'eber; Waterboy; Coray of Acorn. Honorable Mention Toothpaste of Colgate, Locke of Yale, Devil of St. Joseph, Lemon of Florida, Hail of Columbia, Lincoln of Washington and Lee, Nickle of Buffalo, Blues of St. Louis, Marriage of Rice, Dallas of Taxes, Beans of Navy, Biceps of Army, and Cord of Auburn. southwest during seven varsity games, met with an unfortunate accident at the post-season banquet he fell off his chair and broke a leg. Brown, of Spittsburgh, better known as "Smokey" proved a black, raging phantom to eastern teams and is second choice only to Pedro. Halfbacks Svidrigaillberg, Idano, and Malopropistic, Painstellennia: These boys were both quarterbacks during the season, and were so outstanding, so superior to all other backs that we have chosen both of them. The Idano man is known for his educated toe. As D. Joven, another 'Post scribe, puts it in a poem (about as poetic as a telephone directory:) Svidrigaillberg is quite a bloke; His talented toe, playing in snow Made 12 points in a row And that snow joke. Malopropistic is a trickle threat man and is know for his pep talks. Fullback Goodinanyoubet, I5IU: This boy, better known as the "Buzzer" cast an ominous shadow against the Rockes during the enirety of this year's pigsking season; his dazzling 7 0 year runs through broken fields earned for him the title of "Buzzer the Snakehips." He does everything well, even off the field, but is a reputed n. n. ( non-necker ) . He is president of the BIU student body, an "A" student ("A" for Awful) has traveled a great deal, is not JajjPianc Enroll Now! The Modern Way is the Miracle Way Leading Educators now highly endorse Miracle Series ED BERRY Sludio at GLEN BROS. MUSIC CO. Phone 181 1094-W Wildcat Boxers To Enter Golden Gloves Tourney Wildcat boxers are getting ready to enter the second annual Golden Gloves tournament which will be staged at the Paramount theatre, January 24 and 25. Workouts will be held daily next quarter, starting promptly at 3:00 p. m. for those men who do hot have labs., and from 5 on for those who find such a conflict.Coach Bob Davis, Weber's capable instructor, will be on hand daily for these workouts. The Wildcats have Truman (jarver, 135, Intermountain Golden Gloves champ and instructor of last year's boxing squad, ready to throw leather for the purple and white. Carver is working out each day and is in the pink of condition.a-freight of nothing, and is a candidate for the Road's scholarship. Yours, CanI-Pick'Em Alcibiades. SMART APPAREL for MEN Watson - Tanner 370 24th Street Ogden Beauty School Studeists' Special Shampoo and Finger Wave....$ .25 Shampoo or Finger Wave $ .25 Brow Lasli Dye 50 Acne Treatment 50 Oil Permanent Wave $1.00 to $3.00 Tuf.ssa Johnson, Supervisor PIJOISE 217 Ponderous Paddlers Picked To Pilfer Piscatorial Prizes Varsity Swimmers Face Extensive Season All men expecting to participate in varsity swimming this year must report for practice immediately at the first of the winter quarter, Coach Feron Losee announces. Practice will be held 3 times a week during the winter quarter. Losee said today that home and home meets will be held with South, West, East and Granite high schools of Salt Lake City. Box Elder of Brigham City and Logan high at Logan. "We have increased the number of meets over last year," said Losee, "so that more men will have an opportunity to participate and to win letters in swimming and diving." A swimmer or diver must participate in two interschool meets and win a first place, 5 letter points, or its equivalent in order to be eligible for a letter in water sports. Losee stated tnat there would be no leniency shown to men breaking training. "I'll drop any man who breaks training quicker than I would a hot poker," he said. Varsity men expected to report back in suits are Bob Blair, breast stroke; Robert Paul, back stroke; Earl Reed, diving, and Tat Quinn, diving. Wilcox, former Granite tank star, Emmit Clayton, fresh from the icy waters of Alaska, and Glen Christoferson, one of the stars of the intramural swim meet, are expected to report. 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