Show DRANK POLLYWOGS AND ALL thirsty father imbibed all the in habitants of aquarium he had presented to young son one night last week papa got home late there bad been so many things to attend to at the office aad after that a customer from out 0 town ar rived and well papa got home awfully late he hated to disturb the family so he camped in the dining room and in the morning being thirsty he arose drank water and retired under the table again then came his little son the earliest to arise little son viewed the situation in the dining room then lift ed up his voice and wept the matter groaned papa you TO gone and drank up all the water in that glass aquarium you gave me for christmas well never mind that you can put some fresh water in it and it II 11 be all the better yes but chos going to put fresh goldfish and an mud turtles in lt then papa sat up and took notice cleveland plain dealer other way round mrs when I 1 gave you that solemn warning against marrying I 1 said that some day you would regret it that time will come mark my words I 1 mrs dewed the time has come mrs gleefully I 1 thought so then you regret your mar triage mrs dewed 0 nol I 1 regret the warning you gave me it kept me from marrying tor nearly a year puck no Oc calon to call him A teacher in a school in a yiddish section of new york was trying to find from a tiny boy the name of his father he seemed quite unable to think ot it eo to help him she asked what do you call him I 1 call him father was the reply well what does your mother call him and the response an eloquent comment on domestic relations in the neighborhood was she doean doesn t call him anything she likes him ominous announcement well have to get another advertising man eald the county fair man ager athla one seems to be right energetic yes but hes thoughtless he have taken it on himself to adopt grand opera methods I 1 dont know what this great aviator la going to think when be finds we have ad his farewell appearance A roland for an oliver A young baltimore man who Is quick to see a point and somewhat of a wit himself walked into a shop the other day and asked for a comb do you want a narrow mans comb asked the attendant all un conscious of his terms io said the customer gravely 1 I want a comb for a stout man with rubber teeth camme candy edwin an lel you your character right wot am I 1 you re a suck crl i in the shop countryman atthe national gallery why them s the very same alc plc tures I 1 saw here the day before yesterday 1 attendant dryly quite likely countryman then that clerk at tb Is an awful liar he told no that the pictures was changed in all the leaden picture boffa london opinion BIGGEST PART OF THE GAME given money for paraphernalia by their minister abely seek the umpire congressman james L slayden ot texas told a story at a recent banquet to prove th t occasionally you cant lose the biddles when it comes to choosing the wisest course connected a religious alon in a certain city the congressman said there Is a baseball teal corn assed of twelve year old youngsters young stera some time ago the team got a chal lenge from the club of a similar insel gutlon and wishing to encourage aba boys the minister gave them five dol lars telling them to spend it for bats balls gloves or anything else that would win the game came the great day and the minis ter went down to the ball field glanc ing around be saw the same old para pher nalia not a single new was in sight come here a minute wlllie said he calling the captain where are your new bats balls and gloves we haven t got any new bats balls and gloves said wlllie glancing from the dominie to the opposing team you haven t exclaimed the sur pastor dlan t I 1 give you five dollars to buy them yes sir replied wlllie but you told us to spend it in any way we thought best to win the game so we gave it to the umpire philadelphia telegraph ONLY IN BOSTON dey aez hes golly data Is it A novel feature want time in vaudeville art you a baseball player no j shoot somebody never what are you then merely an actor an actor eh well I 1 dont know actors are unusual in vaudeville but the very novelty of the thing might make it a go hes happy in the summer please help a poor fellow wot can t work at his trade on account ov the weather whined the tramp berea a sixpence said the charitable lady how does the weather interfere with your work thanks lady yer eee I 1 m a pickpocket an the cold weather makes everybody keep their band in their pockets light fingered one to succeed in life said the sage a man should have the world at bis anger alpa he should keep in houct with his fellow men teats right agreed the stranger are you a student queried the sage no replied the stranger 1 I m i pickpocket final disposition has dobbs disposed of hl motoi car yes 1 I was not aware that he had als posed of it oh yea he disposed of it ono morning between the hours of three and tour 0 clock in a deep gully about ten miles east of town wife wielded the razor husband shaving bother the ra zor alte the matter youre dreadfully ill tempe redl husband the razor is BO abominably dull I 1 wife dull why I 1 ripped ap an old skirt with it yesterday and it cut beautifully london punch vote getting how dou you expect people to listen to your speeches if you dont make your ideas clear 1 dont want m to listen replied senator sorghum I 1 simply want to talk enough to get a good crowd together and then shake hands with everybody too much why did you divorce your husband he bussed fussed and fumed too much about baseball oh every man has a favorite team to worry about this man had teams in bree dlf terent league silent chivalry ah yes and who gave the bride away inquired the able editor of tha Goshko nong gazette nobody replied tobe bagg who waa relating the details of a recent wedding in high life it there w anybody present that could have done ao ho nevar fald a word jud |