Show jokes A sweetheart A sharp featured determined little woman popped her head out of the door and indignantly demanded the business of a bashful young man who had been hanging around tho house for hours in a pitiless downpour of rain hoping against hope that his adored one would invite him in now then young feller what do yer want here tryan to wear the pavement out or what she demand ed sarcastically 1 I reckon ive come a courten your daughter the shamefaced youth ad matted oh ye re after lizzie are yer then take my advice young man an run away an lose my gal aln t coln ta marry a chap that aln t courage to knock at the door an ax for her not likely why when my husban came acourt ln me and found the door locked he climbed the back yard wall strangled the bulldog an knocked the old man silly wl a clump on the jaw then he grabbed bold of my hand and shoved a ring as big as a cartwheel on my finger and told me that the banns were published last sunday the sort of husband I 1 want tor our lizzie not a milksop that ain t got sense to come in out of the rain A HOPELESS CASE mabel after years of effort I 1 have succeeded in learning how to pronounce goethe tom well are you satisfied now mabel no every time I 1 say it somebody corrects me paying invention inventor I 1 have here a new lifesaving appliance which needs only capital to capitalist im busted a cent left going to the poorhouse poor bouse next week good da inventor let me show you one more thing also my invention a new patent self feeding rotary cannon warranted to kill 10 men a second capitalist gee whittaker give a million dollars for a half interest N Y weekly better at collaboration the widow after selecting head stone poor henry always took great interest an pleasure in these here comic eppy taps araps it you could think up one UT them you might put it on the stone the dealer I 1 aint very latry maam but ive bad a little expert ence in allm rick contests so if you II 11 compose part 0 the verse I 1 guess I 1 could fill in a line er two judge LONG FELT WANT bronson some genius has invented an alarm clock that will arouse its owner and also fire the furnace woodson hum why cant they invent one with enough nerve to fire the cook insured his repose benedick I 1 don t think that duffer solomon could have been very henpeck why not benedick he married a thousand wives henpeck that showed his wisdom he knew they d keep each other sensitive conscience two little girls walking in a field feared that the cow would attack them let s go right on and act as it we t afraid of her at all said one but remonstrated the other that bo deceiving the cow NOT COMPLETE Bacon This paper says the dragon fly moves through the air either back ward or forward egbert of coure we know it must move one way or the other but why it tell us just which way 11 does move yonkers statesman MISS MUCH mr you miss so much by not attending church more regu barly mrs wise oh no I 1 have sub ascribed scribed for two additional fashion magazines the usual experience mr I 1 suppose you remember the pony and phaeton I 1 bought of you when my wife and set up housekeeping well I 1 sold the pony some time ago to pay doctors bills and now id like to sell the phaeton livery man I 1 cant spare the money to buy but id be willing to trade it there Is anything in my line yoa want mr after long thought III trade or oats it you 11 grind em up I 1 believe oatmeal Is good for children N Y weekly A difference an enterprising gentleman of the breezy west who superintends super intends the railroad eating house in his town has recently hung out a sign that furnishes considerable amusement to those who pass by it reads pies like mother used to make EC pies like mother used to try to make judge PLAIN CLOTHES look maria that s the new police man lor so it Is I 1 ardly recognized am in Is plain clothes cassells the ruling passion fathead my dear fellow how did you get your face cut so terribly laruy I 1 hired a dumb barber to shave me fathead and he know how to shave eh bartley yes he did but he per alsted in trying to talk to me with his handa while he was doing it two accounts closed family retainer oh sir something terrible has appended app ened your daughter miss gwendolyn sir has eloped with the chaffeur sir an they re off in the motorcar sir the old man thank the lord maybe I 1 can save a little money now that the girl and the machine are both gone puck the new dance no doubt the dancing masters use the hay foot straw foot method ot teaching the new barn dance detroit free press PERILS OP WINTER dangerous the ice ot course |