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Show about: How to Be Fair. SANTA MONICA, CALIF. Every time the heirs to an undivided estate start litigating, litigat-ing, I think of a decision which had in it more wisdom, more common sense and more fairness than even King Solomon's inspired justice. I can't remember whether 'twas a ruler upon the throne or a judge upon the bench who handed down this ruling. But two brothers fell out over a proper division divi-sion of their father's possessions. Accordingly, Accord-ingly, they carried the Jispute to a highsr court of the land. So his majesty, or his worship, or his " ' L. 1 I j ' I honor, as the case irvin S. Cobb may have been, said: "Let the older brother apportion the property into what he regards as two equal shares and then let the younger brother have first choice of the shares." But, of course, the lawyers couldn't have favored the plan. It was too beautifully simple to suit any lawyer in any age. The American Ameri-can Bar association would just naturally nat-urally despise it. Cemetery Salesmen. T RECEIVED a letter from one of our plushiest cemeteries. We have some of the plushiest cemeteries ceme-teries on earth; it's a positive pleas ure to be dead out here. I was urged to invest in a highly desirable lot, for only a few thousand thou-sand smackers; or buy a perfectly lovely crypt slightly more expensive, expen-sive, but most luxurious. Through some private whim or pique, I failed to answer this tempting tempt-ing communication. Today I received re-ceived an appealing follow-up letter. let-ter. I gather that, if I neglect this splendid opportunity, I'll live to regret re-gret it. Or maybe I won't. Such thoughtful attention merits response. I'm replying as follows: "Dear gents: Space in a graveyard grave-yard is the last thing I shall require. When that time comes, somebody else will do the shopping. Trusting these few lines may find you the same, yours gratefully." But if a representative calls in person as he will I'm a gone gosling. gos-ling. Those slick talkers always do get me. You just ought to see my collection of oil stocks. Now, there's something that does need burying. Making Juleps. SOME disputatious soul seeks to reopen the ancient debate over the proper recipe for mint julep. I decline the invitation. Since the Dred Scot decision nothing has stirred up as much bitter controversy contro-versy south of the Ohio river. North of the Ohio river doesn't count. The Yankee conception of a julep is calculated to make a host of sleeping Kentucky brigadiers rise up from their respective Bourbon casks and start giving the rebel hiss. Naturally, the only perfect julep is the Paducah julep. Just drop in next summer and sample the real product on its native heath not at a saloon, where the bartender is likely to have heretical ideas, such as using preserved fruits and even putting the sugar syrup in first, which amounts to downright crime but in the private home. Western Superiority. TN BORNEO, tigers slay such an incredible host of natives that the yearly mortality is proportionately almost one-tenth as great as the average number of persons who will j be wiped out in traffic fatalities on i American highways during any given giv-en 12 months. In India, owing to the refusal of those benighted Hindus to destroy any living creature, 20,000 inhabitants inhabi-tants annually are killed by venomous venom-ous serpents, whereas, in this coun try, in 1936, we spent only 15 billions for crime, or 18 times as much as we spent on national defense, yet managed to let many poisonous human hu-man snakes go free to build up murder mur-der statistics. In Japan, geisha girls are govern-mentally govern-mentally licensed and protected, which is indeed an affront to the principles of an enlightened people who patronize so-called world's fairs that are dependent on unabashed nudity for popular favor, and shows dependent on foul lines and nasty situations. IRVIN S. COBB. Copyright. WNU Service. |