OCR Text |
Show ! ERWiM GREER IS FINED FOR SPEED Automobile Expert Tells Others to Drive Car Slowly. (By ERWIN GREER, President Greer College of Automotive "Engineering, Chicago). You who read this little column of mine think that the fellow who writes it is a pretty wise bird. But did you ever wouder why I am able to write so wisely? Well, this particular article cost me over $55 but you get it for nothing. Two months ago I bought a straight eight, guaranteed to turn up nearly 1U0 miles an hour. After breaking it in, running around 25 miles an hour for 1,000 miles as every good motorist noes I decided to take friend wife on a trip through the country. And when we came to a long stretch of macadam I sampled my bus to see what speed it really could turn up. Yes, the car was as fast as the manufacturers claimed. The motorcycle cop who arrested me proved it to the judge. The judge an old but experienced motorist welcomed me with open arms, and his advice ran tliusly: "Your first duty is to impress upon the public the fact that you have a new car. Always drive it as fast as it will go. This gives people the impression impres-sion you could easily win a race. Vheu turning a corner always do it on two wheels. Everyone loves to be thrilled. Don't push the horn button until you are in the midst of a crowd. It is great sport to see people knock each other down in their haste to keep from being run over. Besides, it makes you as welcome as a mad dog. "If you desire excitement, try beating beat-ing a train to a crossing, or run your car into a tree. This will bring you newspaper headlines and It is quite possible that some movie company will offer you a big salary for becoming a stunt man. Always vary your antics. To keep people guessing is the spice of life. "Fifty dollars and costs! Now get out of here. If I ever catch you speeding speed-ing again in this county I'll send you up for life !" And my poor wife drove poor trembling trem-bling me home wjth remarks that would shrivel a sheet of steel. "Now I don't get that new hat I wanted. You an automotive expert, bah I You ought to be engineer of a peanut stand. If you ever speed again I'll tell every automobile editor in the country and then your reputation won't be worth a wooden nickel. Hereafter, Here-after, you drive to the office via the elevated." And so, reader, you see by the foregoing fore-going that even I who you think knows all about automobiles am only a human being after all. Did I tell that judge my right name? I did not! I'd have been given ten years If he knew who I was. Be satisfied to ride slowly, using all possible forethought and consideration. Don't speed when you come to a straight stretch. Y'ou might meet the same judge that I did and hear him say: "Fifty dollars and costs!" |