Show fa ILM NG ADE j I 1 VC the new fable of lahe hc galloping pit ill grim who tried to sit down by the Wiy wayside side A certain affluent bachelor happened to be the only grandson ot of a rugged early settler who wore a coonskin cap and drank corn juice dulco out ot of a jug away back in ili the days when every poor man alan had bacon in tile tho smoke house this pioneer had been soaked in a trado trade and found himself loaded up with a swamp subdivision in the tha edge of town fifty years later tho the city had spread two miles beyond the swamp and grandson was submerged beneath so 60 much unearned increment that he bo began to speak with what Boun souni fled led to him like an english accent und ills shirts were ordered from paris on tho the let ot of every month tho the agents would crawl into the presence of the tha grandson of tile the mighty muskrat hunter and dump before him a of paper money which had been snatched away from tho the struggling shopkeepers shop keepers who in turn had wheedled it from tho the people who paid a nickel apiece for sunday papers so as to look at tho the pictures of the decorations in the supper room at the assembly ball graced by the presence of the aforesaid bachelor whoso choso grandfather had lifted tho the original out of the chicago river then tho aba representative represents tive of the old family would take a r arden rarden rake and pattern all this hateful currency into a neat mound after which a milk fed secretary would iron it out and disinfect it and sprinkle it with lilac water and tie it into artistic packets using old gold cold ribbon after that it was hard lines for the bachelor because ho he had bad to sit by a window at tho the club CIO and dope out some same now new way of getting ull till that coin back into circulation As a result of these herculean efforts to vaporize his income lie he found himself at the age of 40 afflicted with social Gast gastritis ritts lie he had gorged himself with the pleasures of this world until the sight eight of a menu card gave him tile the willies and the mere mention of musical comedy would cause litin him to break down and cry like a child he had crossed tile the atlantic so often that he bo no longer wished to sit at the captains table ilo he had bad rolled them f ali 1 1110 M had to dope out some way of getting the coin back into circulation high at monte alonte carlo and watched the durbar at dellit delhi and taken tea on tile the terrace at Shep heards in cairo and awed through japan and ridden the surf in Ilono honolulu lulu while his namo name was a household word among thu the of the ico ice palace in london other otherwise wilse known arl an the savoy occasionally he would return to ills his provincial home to raise the rents on tile the shopkeepers shop keepers and give out an interview criticizing tho the new school of politicians for trifling with vested interests and seek Bee kiro irig to disturb existing conditions any time his rake off was reduced from 10 a minute to ho he would let out a howl like ilke a prairie wolf and call upon mortimer his man ilan for sympathy after twenty years of getting up at twilight to throw aside the pyjamas pajamas and take a tub and ease himself into the costume made famous by john drew the of buying golden goldell pheasants and special cuvee buvee vintages for almost ladies preserved by benzoate of soda and other che chemical mical mysteries teries began to lose its sharp ap t in I 1 other words ha v vas as all in ile ho was track sore and blase and soro sore as a crab and full of Ong engvar angway var ho had played the whole string and found there war nothing to it and now lie ho was ready to retire to aAlon a monastery astery and wear a gunny sack smoking jacket and live on spinach the va natle of the night world had got cot on his nerves at last instead of sitting silting 8 feet away from an imported orchestra at 2 2 2 A M and tau taunting his poor old alimentary with SOS soa food ho he began to prefer to tako ko a 10 grain sleeping powder and fall bach in ili the alfalfa about noon tho the next day lie he wirl vald ld conio como up tor for air and in ili order to kill tho the rest of tho the day ho alivo to hunt up a gains gaina of 0 auction bridge with three or four other gouty old mavericks when the carbons login begin to buru burn low in tile tho sputtering are arc lights along tho boulevard of Pic asuro and tho the night wind cuts like a chisel and tin till reveler hilda his bright crimson bran slowly dissolving itself to 1 headache there la Is hut blit on om thing for a wise iko ike to do and that la is to chop on oil tile the festivities and beat it to a rest heat cure that is just what tho the well fixed bachelor decided to do de ife ho resolved to marry and got get away from tho ahe bright lights ani and llo lie down somewhere in ili a quilted luil ted dressing gown cowl find a pair of soft slippers and devote the remainder of ills his uto life to a grand cleanup clean up of ct the works of 0 arnold bon nett lie ho selected a well seasoned senorita who was still young enough to show flow to your men alen friends frienda bucold enough to cut out all the prevalent Mua ligush about the irish drama and norwegian art and buddhism and true symbolism of russian dancing best of all she had a spotless tation holding herself down to ono one bronx at a time aud and always going behind a screen to do her inhaling they wore were Alar married ried according to tho the new ceremonies devised by tho the ringling brothers As they rodo rode away to their future home the old stager leaned back in the limousine and said at last the bird has lit I 1 am going to put on tile tha simple life for an indefinite run I 1 have played tile tha hoopla hoop la gamo game to a standstill BO 00 it la ili me tor for a haven of rest As ali soon as they were safely in their own apartments the beautiful bride began to do flip ji lops hops and screech for joy at last I 1 have a license to cut loose sho ebe exclaimed for yeu yours I 1 have hankered and honed to be ba dead game vaid and back excitement right ott off the boards but every time I 1 I 1 pulled ju I 1 led a caper tile the stern faced mater would bo be at elbow saying nix on the acrobatics or lose your number now im a regular honest to goodness good nesB Alar married ried woman and I 1 dont recognize any limle limit except the skyline sky line lino I 1 grabbed you because I 1 know knew you had been to all the I 1 places laces that keep and could frame up a now Jambo Jambor rou cu every day in the tha year im going to plow an eight foot furrow across el europe Q and dino forevermore forever moro at swell sell joints where famous show girls pass so close to your table that you can ellmost almost reach out and touch them im going to atrayel twelve months every year and do all the stunts known to the most imbecile globe trotters A few weeks after that a haggard man alan with tattered coattails coat tails was seen going over the old familiar jumps MORAL those who marry to escape something usually find something else E ise |