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Show HAWKEYE EDITORIAL DOTS. <br><br> The first robin is here, but he wishes he were anywhere else in the wide world. <br><br> A BREATH sometimes destroys a young man's chances, especially after he has been eating garlic. <br><br> THE fashion editor of the Nycum Advertiser says that bugs are still fashionable in beds and jewelry.<br><br> IT IS beginning to be quite generally belived [believed] that David Davis gets Joseph Cook to write his letters of explanation for him.<br><br> THE latest style of hat for stylish young men is called "nobbylink." It is supposed to combine classical antiquity with modern jauntings.<br><br> "What is the moon good for?" asked Prof. Miller. "What are its principle uses?" And the smart bad boy looked up from the foot of the class and said, "To ?? the gas companies."<br><br> We understand now why President Garfield kissed his wife and mother inauguration day. Poor man he has been kept so busy he hasn't had time to kiss either of them since. Perhaps he fore saw this.<br><br> THE Illinois Senate has passed a bill making education compulsory. This is mighty tough on the lower House, but we reckon they'll have to stand it. Boys draw your mileage and start off to school.<br><br> AT LAST about the entire population of the United States is partially uniformed. The little round stiff felt hat is the only part of the uniform that has been procured at present, but the rest will probably come along bye and bye.<br><br> DOWN at the last railroad men's ball in Burlington the division superintendent trod on the dress of the passenger conductor's wife. She set out a couple of danger signals, and didn't say anything at the time, but afterwards she said he was a "horrid old fray train."<br><br> Strange, the glass bomb has been used on almost all American railway trains for many years without fatal or disastrous results. But then we notice that the American usually presses the cork back firmly into his glass bomb after shooting himself with it. Perhaps this may account for it.<br><br> Mr. John Parnell, a brother of the great Irish agitator, owns a peach farm in Alabama, which has yields: $70,000 worth of peaches. Mr. Parnell does not charge his tenants any rent, pays them large wages, gives them one half the crop, and boards them free at his own house, when the year is a bad one for peaches. That is, we suppose he does all this. We haven't been told so, but just thought he would run his plantation about that way, in deference to his brother's views. But then maybe he doesn't.<br><br> WE ARE afraid, Eugenie, that we can't help you out with that "Freedom Hymn of the Boers." We have a general impression that Boers rhymes with Moors or mowers, and we can't be positive which. Indeed the pronunciation of these South African ?? is so fearful and wonderful that Boers is just as likely to rhyme with Ticonderoga as anything else. Give it up, chuck it in the stove and rattle us off something about beating carpets and green fruit. These subjects may be possibly a trifle old and overdone, but then we'll know our ground more thoroughly, and we'll be in no danger of stumbling up against something we can't explain. |