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Show I, JOHN nCNPY ,JBi OBESITY DY GEO, V. HODART, ("HUQH M'HUOH.") I Dear Hunch Your letter from Vlonnn received, and glnd wo sre to know that you and Allen nro crowding the occasion with the Joy of living. On nxt year's trip roaches und I hope to bo with yotl, and what we'll do to Europe, will bo a pltlnbto shamo. I met Jack Golden the other day, And he sends his kindest to you and Alice. Jack says he's going to get married some of tlicflo days and do that Eu-rope, Eu-rope, gag himself. Can you Imagine Jack with n thousand thou-sand dollars' worth of blushing hrldo hanging on his elbow, hiking through Europe and stopping In at the Louvre occasionally to mako faces at the paintings? I can't, t If over a bride drags Jack away from Stono sueet she'll bo the limit ' In ladles' dress goods, and that's no jovial outburst. J Wo aro all well at homo with tho exception that somo fresh friend told Aunt Martha that shu was gcttfng "The Muscle Goods Arrived." itout, and tho old lady promptly fell for every obcslly euro known to mod-F mod-F ' era science t Evon at top weight Aunt Martha doesn't go ovor 154 pounds, but sho got tho Idea In her head that compared com-pared with her llarnum'n original fat lady wbb a plkorette, so she decided to no after that obesity thing with nn ax, We tried to flag her and talk her i out of It, but sho waved us all back, I and sold sho'd made tip hor mind sho wasn't going through this world lead-lug lead-lug a double chin, Well, tlunch, Aunt Martha started In BBBf , to put tho sabots to tho fatty tlssuo, B1 nd for h week Undo, fetor's peaco- BBB. ful homo across tho road lookod K. like a moving picture entitled "Tho L. Original ltough House.' Mf Mrst flop out of thu box Mrs. drlm- BBBK thaw, who weighs 278 In hor war- B lnt, told' Aunt Martha thut exerclso Ha was the only thing to keop down tho HF weight, so Uncle Peter was chased oft Br to town for a rowing nmchlno, a act I of Indian clubs and a proud assortment assort-ment of deaf and dumb bolls, Presently' tho musclo goods arrived, nnd next morning about daylight Aunt Martha Jumped on board tho rowing machine and boro away to tho northwest, north-west, with a strong ebb ttdo on tho port bow. She was about four miles up tho river nnd going hard whon u Btrap broke, whereupon Aunt Martha went overboard with a splash that upset most of the furnlturo In tho room and knocked her mantcuio sot down behind be-hind the bureau. Ono of the oars wont up In tho air nnd landed on tho bridge of Undo Peter's none, bocauso his faco bap-' bap-' "One of the Rubber Strings Broke." ponod to ho In tho way when tho oar enmn down. BWhon loving hands finally pulled Aunt Martha out ut the Interior of her rdckuR-chalr, sho found that, with the help ot tho rowing machine, sho had H lost nearly two pounds, mostly oft tho HT end of hor elbow. Hj Tho next day Mrs. Cooper, who Hr weighs about 210, told Aunt Martha B that sho wasn't using tho host kind Kp ot physical torturo, so Undo Peter R was onco more chased oft to the, Btorn, BH whoro ho bought ono ot thoso rubber BB , contrivances you fasten, on the, wall BBB 5 and then try to pull It oft ngaln with BB tho handles. B, ' ' ' Ilrlght and early tho next morning Bl' Aunt Martha grabbed the handles, Bc nnd was getting away from her olios- L Ity at tho rato ot an ouuco uu hour, Hr m- when suddenly ono of tho rubber BBIr.wt strings broku and something kicked BBH VW' Aunt J,artna Just wloro a good Blnger BB r ' gets her coloratura, Kvw When Aunt Martha foil wognied on flk tho Hold ot baUlo ovory picture nn BL the walls foil with hor, und thoro BBJJ - was such a crssh that tho cook thought f(ho end of tho world was coming, so sho rau screaming In the direction of l l'ntornon, N. J. 3 T,loy nai1 t0 l,our About a bucket BHJQ- ot wuter over Aunt Martha's map bo- BBBtt foro tho came to, and then sho found kk that all alio had lost by this new proc- Kif, ess was hor breath and a cuuplo of H9F kldo combs. HK HflBt Mrs' "ddlags dropped In that day BB&;; ,Tffnd told Aunt Martha that the only BHR't , waJr 40 icitiico the flesh Is to take a BHkn long walk; so Auntie picked out a BPnf long walk and took it. IpBBSjg ' After she was gotio about sU hours, BL kI it was getting dark, sho 'culled BBBfi' Vnolfl sVler" up nu the long distance flBJfy " "Sf'j Uteptiosw And broliO the, news to him BBR , tsJl walked 15 miles, and lhat lyBJaV, hft fcitd ban o extravagant she had BB1J uwtd up H wsk that was fit. her, nnd thnt sho would havo to stay there In a foreign land nlono, nniong utter strangers, unless ho sent a cab for her. Whon Aunt Martha got homu that night sho found that all the flesh sho had lost was her pockotbook with ten dollars In It, and Undo Peter lost About ten dollars for cab hire, making a total of four pounds, English money. A day or two later Mrs. Cnrruth-crs Cnrruth-crs told Aunt Martha that tho only suro euro for obesity was to take electric elec-tric baths, so Uncle Potcr had one rigged up which was a great shock to his pockctbook. As soon as It was up Aunt Martha went Inside of tho frame-work and snt among tho electric lamps with only her head out In tho atmosphoro for about two hours. Then sho canio out smiling, and said sho felt lino and that sho must havo lost 4cn pounds, Undo Potcr peeped Inside to look tho bath ovor, and found thnt sho had forgotten to turn tho current on. Next morning whon Aunt Martha went aftor the electric bath Undo Polor turned tho etirront on hlmsolt to make suro, and whon Auntlo stoppod In It sho accidentally put hor foot on an ohm or something, which tickled hor so thnt she lot a bloodcurdling blood-curdling yoll out ot her that could bo heard for 27 miles as tho crow files. Then sho put her othir foot down, nnd that landed on a rdt or an ampere am-pere or soma foolish dingus which "Could De Heard 27 Miles." canned Aunt .Martha to becomo short-clrcultod. short-clrcultod. Hunch, sho was tho shortest, circuit that ovor happotled, Kbr n couple of minutes that, room looked like a thunderstorm, with Aunt Martha playing tho thunder. When Undo Peter finally got tho currant turnod oft nnd all the live wires out'. of hor hair, Aunt Martha collapsed on tho Hufa, screaming: "Tako It awayl Tuko It away! Now I know what a hard II fo tho third rail must lend!" I think tho olectrlo treatment has cured Aunt Martha. At any rato all tho exercising paraphernalia par-aphernalia has been thrown out In tha back yard, and I think that now she will bo porfcctly satisfied to go through lifo loading a doublo chin as nature Intended. Yours In tho current of friendship, JOHN. (Copyright. 1301, by a. W. Dltlinctam Co.) |