Show I Good Jokes I THE MAIDEN II I A young man and a a. maiden were betrothed Dearest one said the tho young manI man I HI love thee So great grent Is my devotion that hat If another should but cast loving lov ing glances at thee a fearsome thing would happen What might It be 1 the maiden Even that I would kill him bim Dost believe me Nay the maiden Nay But I protest to thee I 1 vow I swear that If another should make love ove to thee his life me should pay the forfeit By yonder moon I 1 swear Dost Oost bell believe eve me now Nay the maiden Now what meanest thou Why be be- levest thou not that I 1 would kill the dastard villain Because the tho maiden thou not know aught about It Know BIngs There Is no doubt that Bings Is a areat great reat optimist Why do you say that The fact that he thinks well of himself proves It conclusively POINT OF VIEW T Io M. M te 4 Mabel Who Mabel-Who Who was the best man at atthe atthe atthe the wedding Jim JIm JIm-I I dunno They didn't fight Fears the A maid who had a poodle pest Which out of sight did drop Displays a deal of Interest Anent the sausage crop Settling George No George she said In her gravest grayest grav gray est tones I cannot become engaged to you and I 1 am very sorry to see you show this mad Infatuation Remember Remember Re Re- member that I am much older than you are and believe me when I say I 1 will always be an elder sister to you You aint hardly any older than me declared the tho disappointed youth I am 15 George while you are but 14 And remember George that to toa toa toa a woman a year Is a lifetime A Memory Aid Ald Jinks Is the only man In the office who has not once made a mistake inthe In Inthe the he new date Has he a good memory Not so much that as he Is a crap player How does that help him B Because cause It Is natural for him hini hIni to have lave It come eleven It One by Father Time Before entering the gates of 1911 Father Time discovered a nick In his scythe What Is that doing there asked the he Foolish Questioner Why m my boy responded Father Time I guess that Is what you would call the nick of time The Modern View I simply wasted the money I spent to see my son through college Why every everyone one says he Is a thorough thor thorn ough classical scholar What does that amount to He never even was mentioned for a place on the football team MADE HIM LEAST TROUBLE I J r Yf y Who are your fa favorite poets Mr 1 Editor T Those nse with the writers' writers cramp Defining It So the authorities have decided that a mans man's home Is where he be mostly mostly most most most- ly sleeps have they asked Mrs Mrs with a glare at her hapless spouse They have nave my dear he replied meekly Then the tho next time you go to regIster register reg reg- ister aster give the church as your home she said with an emphasis not to be mistaken by a guilty cowering soul Consolation With a sigh she oho laid down the magazine article upon Daniel OConnell OCon OConnell nell sell The Tho day of great men she said eald Is gone forever But tho day of beautiful women Is sot lot he responded She smiled and blushed I was Joking she explained hurriedly Western Christian Advocate A CRITIQUE 1 did not like Uke the heroine I did not like tho the lover I did not like the ballroom scene cene Depicted on the cover I did not think the atmosphere Was what you'd call convincing Observe my attitude Is la clear clear- Im I'm In no mood for tor mincing The plot was rather trite The characters were pale 0 O Although the author strive to write His toll toil did not avail O. O Before Id I'd read rend a hundred words Ye gods I fell tell to yawning Who seeks ambrosia finding curds No ray of ot promise dawning Doth peevish wax Just what 1 did did- But nut that was shortly ended Unto the floor best seller slid slid slid- The nap I had was Vas splendid 1 An Extenuation Livery Stable Proprietor Im I'm afraid we shall have to cast him Murphy Hes He's about worn out Murphy I I wad not be sayIn that th Barrin the he has In the legs an that touch of cataract forby a trIn n suggestion of the staggers Its a grand horse hed he'd be for the funerals funerals If If not for the color of uni um Bystander Mutual Sympathy So the young surgeon you told me of Is engaged to a telephone operator operator opera opera- tor Yes theirs Is a case ase of mutual v sympathy What do you mean Why she made a practice of cutting cutting cut cut- ting folks off and he be of cutting them up Didn't Apply Mr Jones crossly Mary crossly Mary this Isn't good bread Mrs Jones indignantly Bread indignantly Bread I want you ou to understand that that's cake Mr Jones sarcastically Oh sarcastically Oh cake Is It Then I 1 most sincerely apolo apolo- gize Both Ends Bill BIll I I wonder why somebody doesn't Invent a match a fellow could light lighton on either end Jill Jill Oh Oh come now Youre You're Jok jolt ing Its It's all right for a fellow to scratch a match on the sole bole of his shoe but who do you suppose wants to scratch one on his bald head head head- 1 Yonkers Statesman A Black Outlook What makes you so blue My wife Is Is attending a white sale HAD TO GIVE IT UPI UP t I hear your wife has bas sold her hei parrot parrot par par- rot Yes Im surprised I thought she was very fond of the bird She was but It developed a tendency tendency ten ten- tendency dency not long ago to Insist on having hav hay ing lug the last word and that was too much His Cruel Terms My water pipes have burst and now The Tho plumber knots my anxious brow browBy browBy browny By ny saying he wont won't come until I pay in full last winters winter's bill The Brazen Culprit An eastern man was charged with stealing a Christmas kiss without mistletoe mistletoe mis sanction and asked the judge If It Ithe he be couldn't testify In his own behalf Go ahead said his honor Well all I have to say Is remarked remarked remarked re re- marked the brazen culprit that no matter what you fine me the kiss wasn't worth It Whereupon the plaintiff fainted and the judge said ten days Easy to Be Good Miss Smith Smith Now Now Madge tell me which would you OU rather be pretty be-pretty pretty or good Madge promptly promptly promptly-I I would rather be pretty Miss Smith I can easily be good whenever I 1 like to try try London Punch She Didn't Understand Your friend Is rather Indelicate remarked Mrs Wombat Says he gave her husband somo some for Christmas wrong with ith that 7 I wouldn't think of mentioning sleeping garments In public Wayside Communing Adam Pard Pard how does soft soft- of ot the brain act on a feller when he's hes It I gettin Job You You You dont don't need t worry II It bout that ole olo scout You'll never git |