OCR Text |
Show $ SflEAUD EEN HEARD ] SflEAUDMAIN < = > "MAIN MAIN " MAIN STREET STEPET [ . .Irvpu Irvpu . .Irvpuu .Irvpu.L . .L L .LDefinition u DefimtIonOPTIMIST DefinitionOPTIMIST Definition DefimtIon DefinitionOPTIMIST OPTIMIST The guyho guy \ who \\ho ho trio \ has no nc nomoncv ncmoney ncmoncv ncmoncvPESSIMIST moncv money moncvPISSIMIST moneyPESSIMIST PESSIMIST PISSIMIST : The guy.ho guysho s"V sV guy " \.ho .ho \sho sho \ . ho has itbut itbut it but won t Ipnd IC'l1d ICl1d lend ' i-ou i ou "you you " 1JU : - 'In In any ' } I . * . * . I IAn An optimist optmust also is the gentlenu1l1 gentlemar gentlenu1l1who gentlemarwho who is hippy h'lppy hlppy ' because he can buy buyso buyso buyso so much with a dollar dollar-if dollar if dollarIf -If If - - he had hac hadthe hacthe hadthe the dollar * . * . . And whereas "hereas hereas nhereas " the Ophmt Optimist Optimistrays Optimist"ays Optimistays . . , .ays ays rays " . ' ' Please 1'le1.Sc 1le1.Sc 1le1Sc Pleasc ' . pass the cream cream"the creamthe , , " the Pessimist PCScllUlst ; : growls Jrowls . , , "Is Is "I I "J J " & ! > there thereUI thereails theream UI\ UI ails : UImIlk \ milk in thit th'lt thlt that ' pitcher0 pltc11er pitcher ' " ' . * . * . Style NoteBusiness NoteBusiness Note NoteBusiness Business men will wear brown brownthis brownthis brownthis this spring-that spring that spring - that is if theyore they borebrown \\ore ore bore \ worebrown \ orebrO11 brO\\11 brO 11 brown \ \ ' last spring spnng . . . Cutscmer Cut.semer Cutsemer Cutsomer . : "I'd Id " ' ' like a loaf of ofbre'ld ofbread ofbreid I IJesse bre'ld breld bread Jcssc Jesse ' " 1\1a\ 1 1a \ Maxwell 11aell Maatell : \ . " ell , , the thc grocer grocerVIute grocer"White eroccr"White eroccrWhite \VIute VIute "White White " " \ or graham9 graham " " " Customer , . . "It It " ' " 'It It ' . doesn't doesnt ' matter matter.It's matter.Its matterIts . . It's Its ' ' for a blind man " . . . The Puhtzer PulItzer prize pnze for dIplomatIc dIplomatIcOUrn2JIsm diplomaticjournalism diplomaticjournalism journalism ] OUrn2JIsm should go to the Idaho Idahoeditol Idahoeditai Idahoeditci editol editai whq wrote'MISS wrote Miss 'MISS ' Mabel Blank , a belle of ofi oftwenty oftwenty i twenty summers is visiting viSlting her hertwin hertwin . twm twin brother , , aged 32 " . . . POME DOME POMEBeneath DOMEBeneath POMEBeneath Beneath this mound lies ltes 1\lose 1 lose Mose \ MoseHe's MoseHes , lie's lies ' gone , but bu { not forgotten ; ' Tic 'lie lie bought his Jus wife a pair of hose hoseBut , But blooey-they blooey they blooey - they were cotion cotton ! . * . . WELL SIR sm . , , 'YO YO YOU YOUCAN'T ' YOU CANT CAN'T ' ' SAY SAYWE SAYWE SAYWE WE EVER HAb HAD WINTERS LIKE LIKETHIS LIKETHIS LIKETHIS THIS ONE UNDER HOOVER * . . . And did you youever you ever stop to think thinkhow thinkhow thinkhow how many were ' " denied the plea.stte pleasure plea- plea - sure .s\tte .stte .s s tte . \ of a . horse hoe'3e hoe3e Hor ' e and ntl buggy bug y in theold the did old d d days ys i 1 before anybody had hadthought hadthought hadthought thought about the dollar down and anddollar anddollar anddollar dollar aiwe awepkcidea . a.jweo ajweo . , _ k.cldea kcldea . ddea9- ddea9 ddea9l " ' - l Y , .t t . , T r S1 54 " * . ! . Guide Guidei Gwdctln ; In Egypt : . "It It " took hund hund- band hundreds hundreds - . reds of years to build those pyra pyra- pyramids pyraaiids pyramids - mids aiids " pale l1ale Parriott Parrigtt Parrl tt : ; "Ah Ah "Ah Ah " , , , a governmentjob govenunentJOb governmentcob govenunent government JOb cob " . . . According to Tom Mix M1x a pinch pmch of ofsalt ofsalt ofsalt salt is greatly improved unproved by drop drop- dropping dropping dropping - ping it on a large biffsteak and anorder anrder an anorder order ) rder of French fries . . . The honeymoon is 15 over , , saysDudley s'tys stys says s'tysDudley siysDudley ' Dudley Williams WJlliaI11S , , ; when the thegroom thegroom .oom oom groom " . tells tclJ . $ his , wife vlfe rife he guessesthe guesses guessesthe guessesthe the shirt he be has on is cleanenough cleanenough clean cleanenough enough for days11 a couple more da days s s'I 'I I 1 ' * . , * . * . sI I Then thereas there \ was \\as as nas the Greennver Greennverrather Greennverfather I Ifather father rather wh who : > said "I I " 1 don dont t know knowwhether knowwhether knowwhether whether you ou can support my mydaughter mydaughter mydaughter daughter , , but you certainly certamly know knowhow knowhow knowhow how to keep her upS up UIp " S . * . * . Tramo Tramc Tramp 'Lady Lady ' , I Im 1m m almost almcst , fam fam- lam- lam famIShed lamshed famished - ished shed " Housewife ' Here s a cent How Howdid Howiid Howdid did iid you fall so low low9 ? " ' ' Tramp ' 'I I ' 1 I had your fault IM I \\M M nas nasq \ wastoo Mtoo too -q q - extravagant " * . * . * . Little Gill Gi1I Giih i , 'Mother Mother ' , , if the Lord Lordg'1 Lordices Lordgnes g'1\ g'1 g1 g'1es ' ; ices \ es us our daily dally bread and Santafirings Santa Santabnngs Santabrings bnngs firings cur : toys tys , and the stor stork storkicings storkbrings ) . blings icings the babies then what ISfathcI is isfathci fathci athei staying around here foi for ? * . * . * . I IYoung Young Lady at Moab CoopWhere Co-op Co op CoopI Co-op'Wheie Co op'Wheie opWheie - I ' Whel Where e can I 1 get silk sllk coverings for formy forny formy my ny settee9 settee ? " ' Ralph Miller 'Lingerie Lingerie Lmgene ' depart depart- department departrnent department - ment rnent right nght over here , . , lady " Q * . * . When it comes to tJ : eating eatmg . , , you youhave youHave youhave have to hand it to Venus VenU $ ' DeMlloHo DeMiloHot DeMiIo DeMllo DeMilo DeMiIoHow Hoelse How Ho\\ Ho Hot \ \ else could she eat ? . * . * . The heat of 22 cows CO\\S CO S cots \ \ may be equ\l equ l equal equlto equalto eqmlto ' \ to 20 tons of coal as the sCIentists sCIentiststell scientiststell scientiststell tell us , , butha but \ who \\ha ha tha \ in hek hel . wants aherd aherd a aherd herd cf of cows CO\\S CO S cots \ \ in m his basement9 basement ? . . * . Jick J'lck Jlck Jack ' Corbm Corbui had hac1 been drawn drawnon drawnon drawnon on the jury . When w'hen ' his name namewas namewis was \ \ 'lS lS ' cilled c'llIec1 cllIec1 called ' he be asked Jud Judsrc Judie e Coo- Coo Cooley Cooley Coo-ley Coo ley - ley to be excused e-cused e cused ' - because bemuse b ec\ ec ecuse . ' \ use hewas he heas hewas \\as as was \ . . ver very ) bus bu : > y : } at the ofIlcc office ofIlcc"So officeSo on ice "So So " So you ' . ire 1.re 1re are one of those men men"hI menCho menwho "hI hI Cho " ) think thmk the telephone com com- company company company - pany can't cant ' ' get 1.longHthout ' . ilongr 1.long 1long along \Hthout Hthout itiilhout itiilhoutyou \ withoutyou you ; ) ou , . , " said the t.he . judge dryly"No ( dryly dryly"No lryl "No No " , ) your our honor , " relJhed replied relJhedJacI repliedJack repliedJack JacI Jack . , "I I " know they can gf't gft get gf'talong getalong getalong ' along ' \ without titliout ithout me . , but I don't dont don'tant don'twant don'twant dontwant ' \\ant ant want \ \ them tbf'm tbfm ' to find it outcused out " ' 'Excused Excused ' C -cused cused ' - , ; , " ' " said "aId aId the Judge |