Show I I A. A T Tyre Names New Car After Hu Hunting ting T Trip ri p F Full ll of Slang Fearing the Skookum Will Vill Rear Upon Its Hind Hind Legs and Take a Bite Out of Him Steers Clear I I Being another of those letters of A. A Tyre to his friend Bill Dill I Honk I in in the San Francisco cr I IDear Dear pill i Well bo o. o the did Is did I I Ive I've got a snorting Eliciting cylinder sK-cylinder I Skookum hitched to a post In the lie lieback i back yard anI and a whispering one one- one one-I cylinder roll roil of or the tho 10 long bug green gleEn still I doing it Its bit in the tho fourth national I I I. stood off oft temptation us ILS long Jong as I could but when Friend Wife VICe starts start In Into into I to make up my mr mind for me she does a a. r regular gu ar job at It So I fell ftH and fell tell with a loud large lare plump I aln aint t been near the bank since I wrote that check 1 and all Im I'm hoping Is that I didn't bust em up UP and that the 8 25 I X didn't draw out ut Is s 8 still laid laid up for gas gasoline lino futures te I At that t Bill If it hadn't been for Cor for II i this car strike I have lIner have d on with the roll 1011 still pulling lulling down 4 i per cent and me hopping arou around in demonstrators going hither thither I i I and yon on with a foxy toxy agent al stepping I 1 Ion on the Ute brakes and spilling me roe the I j dope on why I shouldn't buy the other ther i carsNO cars I i NO IDEAls IDEAL TRANSIT I But Dut riding in a street car r with the i I prospect of somebody's bouncing a ai I large hard brick off your bean almost any minute isn't my dream of Ideal I transit And honestly Bill Ive I've balanced bal hal I myself on the razor edge or ot a n I Jitney door until the only way I can I sleep in comfort Is on my stomach Believe me some of ot those jitneys are such rought riders that if you took a railroad tie out for a joy trip it would j come back covered with blisters On top of all this Kate begins to 11 mope around and look at me as though Id I'd Just refused her a post- post ago stamp to write home to mother I That's something Id I'd like to do at that Bill Dill Not saying anything against theold the theold old girl but as a a. relative of mine she's I a huge success when she stays on the farm She and I get along like Woodrow Woodrow Wood Wood- I row Wilson and the j I TALE TO MOTHER Kate had to brag to mamma mamma-In- law that we were just about to ac accumulate accumulate accumulate ac- ac cumulate a a. limousine or whatever it was and then she leav leaves es mammas mamma's letter letter letter let let- ter lingering around where I cant can't help but get an eyeful Mamma Iamma deals gently and delicately with me about like this I t I I always knew that ape you were crazy enough to marry I was a bigger fool than he looked and he never looked any more intelligent than a sausage at his best I Which I maintain was considerable I speech for tor dear mamma law to I spring and anel was calculated to make mako me get somewhat sore and help along i i ithe the cause I sort of wanted to spite I her which was another reason for mr the roll Anyway getting I back to what I 1 wanted to say I can see that the way Id I'd been stalling around with Katie and putting oft off I 1 annexing a wagon toot-wagon was kind of straining domestic c relations There II were looks and speeches and actions actions' I on the part of Friend Wife Ite that In I these times timE's of ot strife ml might ht be he regarded I as deliberately unfriendly I SHOULD EXCLAIM j I You see Bill after that experience I I I. I had with the speed demon who wanted to wish that 1898 model scooter on me roe and finally bumped me up to place w where here y you Jou ou say Good morning i judge and he says Good night an I you sa say Good heavens ens and the cop coi I says Good enough I w was as sort of I cured of ot the auto bug Id I'd came saw and almost conquered m my desire to carry around a a. smell of rubber and I gasoline But the pressure was wall getting too I grea grea great In five flye days time after that Id I'd been out In a a a. a I a a. Wampus ampus a Snort a Clamor a an Ick Iek a an and sixteen different vane varie varieties I arie I ties shapes sizes Izes and conditions of flivvers r and road germs I Then along comes this gink with the Skookum When he rings the bell bellI i I open the door and beat him to the punch lunch Nix says I I. I Im I'm doing my joy rid rid- I II ipg I TUt Tuesdays days Thursdays and Saturdays Satur Satur- days and this is my ray day to rest refit Come Comeback back tomorrow afternoon and Ill I'll have ha my gang here and well we'll go out on a I regular run And you might telephone to San Jose and tell em em youre you're going to entertain us at dinner I II I wa was in wrong BilL This agent was one hard bard guy to hand me he ha heI I comes back Dont crack erack any o 0 that wise stuff on me It listens about ac u funny as a a pain in the neck I see right away hes he's a tough bird and so I says me me I thought you yon were an automobile agent I am says he be And 1 Im I'm m a a pip I T T I got ot a all these other dudes in ii in the game outclassed so far that every time II they see me the they stop and apologize for tor being on the same street I TherEs There s one guy uy you aint got much use lISt for says T T. T I I thai says ar he Yourself t- t Fa s 's s I T. T ili Ml ht you start off f V y vf-y pry 1 liy having a a. regular 1 hate at yourself Iley he be says kind o oj 0 shouting dont get fresh with me and Wont Won't ont he be I wasting my time Maybe you OU aint got sot the dough to buy a regular car cat like liko mine and If j you ou aint say BO so o I got to sell sel a dozen Of em today and I aint gonna squander no minutes on a a. dead on one DID IT WITH TROWEL Bill ho has the tho first wagon peddler that hadn't hadn t started off by spreading on the salvo with a II trowel and ne had me going I was sore too Who you callin a dead one says I T. T Trot out this speed beat train In In dog killin gas monster of yours and give us a a flash at it Now youre you're says he Tell the Jane to slip Slit a to oat coat it on over over her ner kimono and hustle al along ng- ng We Ve aint got sot no time timo tl to wait for no skirt to doll up tip He was a lo tough gh SU guy Bill but kut In just five minutes he had us us m tn the Skookum As far a as I could se the Skookum was just a wheeled four-wheeled gas buggy like liko all others I dont don't see seo where this tilIng thing ha has anything any any- thing on the Doodad says I I Where here do you get that Doo Doodad Iad stutt stuff he sneers weve we've s got gOtso tso so we dont don't enter in a a. race raco against a tin tin- can like that This is a a automobile youre you're ridin in now not a caterpillar tractor How about the Seven says I lIes lIe's got me mo hanging on the tho ropes but Im I'm still fighting hUng back WANTED CAR CAR BAD BAb Oh that aint such such sucha a bad car ar if you ou want that kind But Dut I had an idea you wa was lookin for the real goods I figured y you ou had class figure Is bo classy afoul this maker joy-maker of yourn says I I. I I He lIe looks at me mo with a a. leok that makes me sort of pity me for my Ig Ignorance Ignorance ignorance Ig- Ig norance and then he laughs one of those sneering laughs like the villain pulls in m Why Girls Leave Home Im done he says Im Ima a regular automobile agent and I aint got no notime notime notime time to spend trying to explain things to boobs Listen feller teller Youve You've taken up ten minutes already and I figure my work is worth a a. dollar a minute You got to talk business and talk it quick This here car 1 Im I'm m ridin you around in is a Skookum Get that You ought to be afraid to ride in a high class car like this for fear of break in out in a a. rash or catchin the gout But Just because youre you're and helpless Ill I'll tell you about it it I CAR HAS FOUR WHEELS I Its got sot four tour wheels and each I wheel wears a rubber tire The have haye got spokes which is as mUCh as I you can understand about em Its It's got a a. six-cylinder six engine and what makes it go It burns gasoline and has electric lights This thing Ive rye I got in my hands is the steering wheel You turn the wheel to the right when you want to go to the right and to the I I left leU when you want to go to the left I You can squat five passengers on the i ileather leather cushions and its it's got a one- one j man top that you might learn to put putS i up up in case of rain I Tho Tho doors doors' open and shut and he machines machine's right o out t of ot the factory and we take care of it for tor you for Cor a a. year unless you run Into something and smash it all up which a a. boob like Uke you generally does Now Now hero we arc are back at the house Ive I've had you out for or fifteen minutes which is too long What've you gotta say SOME SLANG think I- I Kate says I to the wife this guy having got my goat goatS But h hes he's s 's a a. fox tox L Leave ave It to me me ho says out of the c corner r of ot his mouth Im rm a bear at handlin these skirts Then he Ite turns to Katie and says Maam dont don't you let this husband 0 o your yourn n bull you this I be been n him up and believe me he lie aln aint t the tho brains of this family Hed He'd starve to to death If he didn't t have a a. wise little dame damo like you to do his for him Dont Don't t let him stall you any longer longer longer- Say bay I butts in can that chatter I Imay Imay may be bethe the biggest boob but I got by for a good many y years ears ears without an any advisory committee and I Im I'm m the tho thoI I guy uy that brings home homo the liver and bacon But nut don dont don't t you think Itis it itis itis is a lovely car car car- starts Katie and this bird chimes In Ha lIa hR ha That's a scream of a Come Conic on on Mci- Mci blades bades and 1 talk turkey want to dp lp about this car Talk fast cause ause Ive I've got to go out to a swell j Joint on Pacific lc avenue and sell a halt half do dozen en en of em to some borne regular society swells If It you yOU cant can't afford a car like this this this- Wrap It up lp says I I. I And that's how it happens Bill that I the Skookum's Skookum s tied up in the back backI backyard yard ard I Im I'm m going to take a lesson on how to run it tomorrow That tough agent left a book of instructions but I nobody can get me near the he thing until I 1 I know how bow it its it's s done Im I'm Im I'm afraid of ofIL H It IL Bill Dill You never can tell when it I might rear up on Its hind legs and take a kick at me Or it might bite The Tho only thing Ive I've done to it so far Is to wrap a blanket around its chest so that It lt wont won't catch cold through sitting out In the tho damp all night Your friend Y A A. TYR TYRE TynE |